THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Edition 15

POSTAL SERVICE AND POLE REACH DEAL WHILE HOLIDAYS NEAR

By: Porter

Dimensions in the dream world are preparing to get colder and observe the holiday season. 

Similarly to last Halloween, many dimensions are starting to get prepared for Christmas, and that includes setting up decorations. 

The end of the observable year is very busy for many people, and that includes mailing letters and presents to others on time. The Dimension Postal Delivery Service announced a solution to help curb long delivery times, which was a shock to many.

According to DPDS chief, Kaige, the dream world’s postal service has teamed up with operatives at the Pole dimension to help speed up deliveries for the rest of the month.

“It’s pretty simple,” said Kaige, “We successfully arranged a deal with the Pole that allows our postal workers to work in a collaborative manner with members of the Pole to help deliver letters and gifts. The Pole’s workers are pretty fast, and we know this is good practice for Christmas Eve.” 

Rainier, the Secretary of Christmas Affairs, also had a statement for this joint collaboration. “We here at the Pole are honored to be working along with the DPDS to help distribute mail across the dream world. This also allows our workers to have practice runs in anticipation of the real work that will come on Christmas Eve. It’s a win-win for both parties!”

While the DPDS and the Pole work together, citizens of the dream world eagerly go out to do their holiday shopping, while setting up decorations across their homes and dimensions. Decorations should be set up by next week, and visitors are asked to proceed with caution in certain dimensions where construction has been going on.

DREAM WORLD REPORTING STRANGE SIGHTINGS ONCE MORE 

By: Oswald

Citizens of the dream world have been calling their local DPF offices reporting sightings of an elusive dream world creature once again.

Witnesses claim to have spotted Lucid, the infamous escaped criminal, wandering around certain areas of the dream world. However, by the time that DPF agents arrived on the scene, Lucid had vanished without a trace.

“Dang it, we almost had him!,” a DPF agent told the Tribune, “That dream demon disappears just as he comes. We’ve been trying to catch him for years now. We can never seem to catch up to him!” 

News of the alleged sightings have stirred up conversation in the dream world. “You know, I don’t think Lucid really likes having all this attention on him,” Nate told the Tribune, “I mean, well, maybe he’s camera shy! Like me!”

“Lucid’s here?! He's like, nearby?!” Almoral said, after asking for comment, “Lucid?! Where are ya?! I…I need to talk to you, please! If any of you see him, please tell him I want to see him again! It’s really important, please!” 

“Hmph, another sighting where he isn’t caught yet,” Telly told us, “Why, it’s as if the DPF doesn’t want to catch him! It’s a never-ending cycle at this point…jolly bad show.”

“I get what Lucid did wasn’t the best idea, but come on, that was years ago,” Epsilon told the Tribune, “You should cut him some slack. There are much more serious matters in the dream world, and it’s not fair that Lucid is like, the top three most wanted in this world over something that didn’t even hurt anyone.”

Our own Porter has been tasked with tracking down Lucid, but so far, there has been no success. “Lucid’s pretty hard to find! I’ve been trying to get an interview for years now, but alas, no luck. I hope these sightings are verified as true, because it may give me hope that I’ll get that interview!” Porter told us.

Dream world citizens are asked to report any strange sightings to their nearest DPF office, including wanted criminals like Lucid, ASAP. Citizens are also asked to keep their distance, as Lucid may be potentially armed and dangerous.

Q/A: Ask Lucid

Dear Lucid, what’s your least favorite color?
By: Kromati C.

Hello Kromati. I cannot answer your question, as I cannot see colors, unfortunately. My vision is black and white. I forgot what colors even look like.

Dear Lucid, what do you do in your free time besides reading?
By: Hob Bee

Hello Hob. That is a very real question for you to ask me. I guess the reality of it is that I spend my time taking orders, but that is just the very surface of what I do besides reading.

Dear Lucid, how old do you think you’ll end up being?
By: Em Mortal

Greetings Em. I am not really sure, but my mother lived to be almost 8,000 and my father lived just after 9,000, so I can only assume I have another 3,000-4,000 years more to live.

Dear Lucid, why do you always wear a hoodie?
By: Faz Shion

Hello Faz. It is not easy travelling the dream world, so this hoodie is used to get the least attention possible. It is also black, making it easier to camouflage. 

Dear Lucid, what’s 792,134 divided by 8,506 multiplied by 6?
By: Cal Qlator

Hello Cal. That would be 558.7589936515. I like that you made me multiply it by six.

Dear Lucid, what is your favorite reading of all time?
By: Reed Din

Greeting Reed. Plato’s “Allegory of the cave” is a wonderful and interesting read. Did you know I was alive when he dropped that piece of work?

Dear Lucid, do you miss me? I miss you, I want you to come back.
By: Almoral

Almoral? This…is not the most appropriate place to discuss this…

Dear Lucid, what would happen if you got caught?
By: Inma T.

Hello Inma. Truth be told, I do not wish to be caught, because I was subjected to a very unfortunate and unfair punishment the first time. It was only because of six people that I managed to escape that punishment. It is risky for me to head out, but sometimes I have to.

Dear Lucid, what’s your wish for Christmas this year?
By: Nicholas C.

Greetings Nicholas. I am unable to receive anything for Christmas from Mr. Claus due to my fugitive status, per rules established by the Pole. Well, I suppose if I could have one wish, it would be for things to go back to being normal. Many people do not like me and throw around lots of rumors that are just not true about me. I blame one particular group for this, but I simply wish for my life to go back to normal. No more running, no more hiding, just living in harmony like I used to at one point in my long life. Life is not fair, but that does not mean you cannot keep looking for fairness in this world. I believe that day will come, when things will be fair again.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Holiday Party 2021 construction: You’ve been invited to the most merry party of the year! Grab a hammer and a hard hat…now’s the time to start building!

December 16- Holiday Party 2021: Pull out the holly, put up the tree before my spirit falls again! Fill up the stocking, I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now!

December 16- Almoral’s mansion returns: Who doesn’t like visiting the loudest necromancer in the dream world? Lucid, maybe.

December 23- Pole dimension access: How many times does Rainier have to tell you that he cannot disclose if you’ve been good or bad this year! What will it take for you to stop asking?!