THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Edition 27

SPRING TO BE NEAR-ABOVE AVERAGE THIS YEAR

By: Porter

The Dimension Weather Prediction Service has issued their seasonal outlook for spring, and it appears that this year will be a little different.

According to the report, the dream world is looking for a “Near-above average” spring season that overall, dimensions will get warmer like they usually do in the springtime, however, some dimensions will “experience a slight increase in temperature, as well as a slight increase in thunderstorm activity this year than has been seen historically.” 

I asked Cirrus of the DWPS to explain to me what this means.

“In the simplest terms, some- not all -dimensions will be warmer than other spring seasons,” she explains, “Also, some dimensions will observe more precipitation than normal in the form of rain. However, some dimensions will observe a bit more thunderstorm activity than other years.”

Cirrus explains that severe weather is also on the table for some dimensions, but the usual dimensions that get severe weather in the spring will observe such conditions again this year.

“Thunderstorms are possible in any outdoor dimension during the spring. Some of these thunderstorms can become strong and severe, with a chance of producing an isolated tornado or two. The Field dimension always experiences at least one tornado per spring season- that’s historically normal. Based on this outlook, though, it’s possible to see one or two tornadoes in other dimensions not normally prone to them. It’s best to stay tuned to the DWPS for anything!” she tells me. 

The DWPS is still viewed by some as bearing some responsibility following the freak winter season, but they stress that weather is unpredictable at times, and this spring shouldn’t be like the winter season.

Spring looks to be a bit warmer and stormier for some dimensions this year. For more information, please visit your nearest DWPS office for resources and additional assistance.

BLUEBUSTER SEES SLIGHT INCREASE IN FOOT TRAFFIC

By: Oswald

The video rental store, Bluebuster, has reported that they have been experiencing a slight increase in customer visits following the opening of a portal to their location.

Bluebuster was once known for being the go-to place to get access to movies from the real world, however, in recent years, they have been seeing less and less visitors.

“I blame online streaming services like Redflix and Holo plus,” an employee tells me, “People have moved onto the internet now. They’ve left our poor VHS tapes and DVDs behind…”

In an attempt to lure in visitors, they even resorted to video-game rentals.

“Yeah, we started letting customers rent video-games a few years ago, but not even that could help drive traffic here. Curse the internet…” the employee tells me.

However, thanks to the portal opening, the store is seeing a bit more visitors than normal.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about this place!” a chomper tells me, “Brings back memories…I love the smell and the atmosphere…so nice…”

“What? Who me? No no, I am not a newbie. I’m a frequent visitor to this store! I just came back to return this romance movie I watched. So wonderful! I just wish I had someone else to watch it with…” the man, identified as Almoral tells me, “Do you think Lucid likes romance movies? No? Well, I think he would…”

The video store is stating that all movie and game rentals should be returned within 5-days, or else expect to pay a fine for overdue rentals.

“There are people who forget to turn it back in on time and get fined. Once, we had a rental that was 15 years overdue! The fine…well, it was excessive, that’s for sure,” the employee tells me.

Bluebuster is open at all hours to anyone who comes by to visit. For the best selection of movies at a low price, you can check out this store, located west of the Apartments and southeast of the Lift dimension. Don’t miss out!

Q/A: Ask Epsilon

Dear Epsilon, what happens when humans dream?
By: Bubby L.

Hello Bubby. As you know, there are various ways for humans to enter the dream world, and one of the easiest ways is by simply going to sleep. When humans sleep, they may be lucky enough to dream.

When humans dream, they automatically enter the dream world. Well, sort of. You see, most human dreams revolve around personal memories and figures in their lives. Past memories, friendships, places they’ve been, etc., are all a key to the human dream. Because dreams are personal, they enter their own “dream bubble”, or what the DPF calls, Human Dream Spheres (HDS).

There’s a large area in the dream world which is where all HDS manifest themselves. Each sphere belongs to a different human in the real world, and each sphere contains the dream that that particular human is having at that moment. The DPF guards this area of the dream world very heavily, so trespassers are not really a problem. However, on some occasions, trespassers sneak past guards and enter random spheres where they infiltrate human dreams and ultimately mess around in them. Unfortunately, this can result in humans having bad dreams, or nightmares. Getting caught trespassing and manipulating human dreams can land you in big trouble.

On some other occasions, humans will accidentally wander out of their sphere and actually enter the “real” dream world. When this happens, they are often disoriented and dreams become more fuzzier. Humans aren’t in any danger though as their “persona” or “soul” is sort of static and transparent. They almost appear to be ghost-like, but not quite. Therefore, humans can’t experience real harm in the dream world, if they are in our world, but asleep in the real one. In fact, if they are about to experience harm, they always wake up with no injuries.

Once humans wake up, whether it be out of fright or just normal nature, the sphere itself will fade. Anyone caught sneaking in the sphere when this happens will simply be ejected from it back into our world, so there’s no danger of fading away along with the sphere. Each sphere is very personal to that specific human, so the DPF guards this area to keep out trespassers.

Of course, humans don’t always accidentally wander off into our world or always dream each time they go to sleep. But it’s their memories and nostalgia that make up the many dimensions of the dream world, so we owe it to them to keep on remembering the past and keep on dreaming.

Dear Epsilon, do real world animals exist in the dream world?
By: Annie Mal

Hello Annie. Yes they do. Animals from the human world exist in our world because of manifestation and human memories. Just like dimensions, they can exist in our world because humans recollect a lot of things from their memories that kind of just end up manifesting animals. That includes dogs, cats, fish, turtles, butterflies, bees, lions, elephants, spiders, etc. However, most animals stay in certain dimensions and don’t wander off. And of course, the dream world has its own species of animals too.

Dear Epsilon, how did you meet Dylan?
By: Bessie Fren

Hello Bessie. Dylan and I met when we were kids. His father was a postal delivery worker and Dylan would tag along with him because he’d be home alone otherwise (long story). On one time, I happened to be outside when he was passing by with his father, and well, the rest is history, I suppose.

Dear Epsilon, would it be cool if I came over to hang out for a bit?
By: Almoral

Sir, this is a newspaper… I’m not quite sure you should be asking me this question here. As for an answer, if I say yes, you better be on your best behavior. That goes for Dylan as well.

Dear Epsilon, how is Nate doing?
By: Louis Sidd

Hello Louis. Nate is doing just fine. He’s still busy with his investigation which is why I am still taking questions this week. He recently got assigned to handle another task that could be related to his original investigation, although I cannot disclose more. Otherwise, he is doing just fine, and I can assure you that you do not have to worry about him. After all, he has good friends taking care and looking out for him.

Upcoming Events:

Now- New portal opens: Welcome to Bluebuster! Please return your items back on time.

Now- New character: Sylveran gives me the creeps, but as long as he isn’t after me, I should be fine, right?

March 10- Neighborhood dimension returns: It’s a nice night out for a stroll, isn’t it?

March 17- St. Patrick’s Party 2022: The luckiest party of the year coming to a dream world near you!