THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, March 10, 2022

Edition 28

GOLD DUST CAUSING INCIDENTS OF PURE LUCK

By: Arial

The Dimension Disease Control and Protection agency is issuing a short notice of luck being in the air lately.

According to the DDCP, there appears to be a steady increase of people experiencing events and scenarios where they appear to be “lucky” than usual.

While this is not necessarily any sort of disease, DDCP does monitor it as it appears to spread quickly during this time of year.

“I went out and ordered six nuggets and when I checked it, it was actually seven! I feel so lucky!” a local witness tells me.

“I got lucky with my recent bets in the Casino. That hasn’t happened before!” a local gambler told me.

The DDCP explains that a rise in “luck” comes during early to mid-March as a result of St. Patrick’s Day.

“Leprechauns are real, and so is the legend of pots of gold,” a DDCP agent says, “Traces of gold dust contain luck material and as it spreads through the air, people can inhale it, increasing their luck and fortune for a bit.”

So while not a disease, this dust does spread through the air, and can increase a person’s luck should they inhale the dust. It is not clear if the amount of dust that a person inhales increases their luck or not, but people are taking their chances by any means necessary.

“Whether it be betting at a Casino, ordering food, finding currency on the ground, taking a shot at the lottery, people are definitely trying their luck in many ways!” the DDCP agent says.

The DDCP expects this increase of lucky scenarios to persist into next week before dying down towards the end of the month. For more information, please visit the DDCP’s website.

WEIRD ANOMALIES REPORTED ACROSS DIMENSIONS

By: Porter

The Dimension Protection Force is receiving reports of strange anomalies across some dimensions in the dream world.

According to the memo, some dimensions are reporting hearing strange noises that appear to come from and out of nowhere. The source of the sounds has not been identified, but the DPF does not think it is something to immediately worry about.

“We’ve sent out a few agents to go investigate these sounds in the dimensions where they’re occurring,” DPF Director Ferekides tells me, “These sounds don’t appear to be concerning, but perhaps there may be something underground causing it. I’ll have these agents check it out.”

Although the DPF is not too concerned about it, it is causing some uncertainty with some dream world citizens.

“One second I’m taking orders and the next I hear a weird sound coming from the ground!” Artisan, a barista at the Cafe says, “It spooked me! It wasn’t loud or anything, but it was weird.”

“How are we supposed to take to the dance floor knowing there might be a sound coming from under it?” Techno, a DJ at the Club says, “Can’t have a dance contest in peace!”

“Hmm, maybe the dream world is hungry. When I’m hungry, my stomach makes noises too! Although…not sure what the dream world wants. Maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s underground worms! Gross…I hope not.” local postal delivery person, Dylan, tells me.

Whatever the source is, it is causing speculation and theories among citizens. The DPF has not released any more information regarding this matter, but they are asking people to keep reporting these weird sound incidents.

“If you hear something weird, give us a call! We’d appreciate any and all tips!” Director Ferekides says.

If you hear a strange sound in a dimension, give the DPF a call to their tip hotline by dialing *4, by reporting it at your nearest DPF field office, or by visiting their website.

Q/A: Ask Epsilon

Dear Epsilon, do all doors in the dream world work correctly?
By: Oppen Ador

Hello Oppen. Doors in the dream world are another weird thing that is supposed to work correctly, but they don’t always do. They can be unpredictable.

Most doors work fine. If you go visit the Cafe and open the door to it, you’ll enter the Cafe- nothing too weird. However, some doors in other dimensions can lead to either random “sub” dimensions, or nothing at all.

“Sub dimensions” are rooms that are recognized as “nostalgic” or “significant”, but too small to be considered a real dimension, and located in an abnormal place. They are sort of like enclaves as well, and there are many of these dimensions scattered throughout the dream world.

This is where the door question comes into play. Some doors just lead to the most random sub-dimensions you wouldn’t think would be behind it. These sub-dimensions don’t really receive a lot of foot traffic, either because of its location or small sizes, so you’ll often find yourself alone in such a room.

And of course, some doors don’t lead to anything. Open a door, and it’s simply darkness or leads to a wall. It’s said that these doors are there because they do belong to a dimension, but there aren’t any memories to “create” a room behind the door. For example, a door in the Portables may lead to nothing because while human memory can recall the portable itself, it may not recall the inside of the portable, so that makes the door lead to nothing because the dimension is unable to “create” a room behind the door. 

This shouldn’t discourage you from opening doors, however. Like I said, a lot of doors work fine and take you to their correct destination, but some doors will lead to nothing, or better yet, a surprise sub-dimension. The next time you’re traveling the dream world, why not try opening doors to see where they lead to? Just try not to open doors to houses, since you know privacy, but otherwise you may find a surprise waiting for you behind it.

Dear Epsilon, what did you use to do in the DPF?
By: X. Imployi

Hello X. Back when I used to work in the DPF, I was an intelligence officer that would go out in the dream world and gather tips and intelligence to report it back to HQ. These tips would often range from illegal activity, to developing situations, etc. Having a good ear is good as you can listen in on possible “bad” conversations taking place. Of course, every agent’s job is to protect and defend the dream world, and intelligence officers quietly crack down on potential wrong-doings.

Dear Epsilon, what’s your favorite color?
By: Speck Trum

Hello Speck. My favourite colour is blue. See this jean jacket I’m wearing? Blue.

Dear Epsilon, do you have advice on retirement?
By: Nolange R. Wurken

Hello Nolange. My advice on retirement is to take it easy. Try to find something you enjoy and make it into a full-time hobby if you can. I enjoy painting, going to the gym, jogging, and the occasion book. If it were up to me, I would be working again, but my vision makes it difficult to sustain a decent job, plus the DPF does still reward me in retirement and my family sends me money- even if they don’t talk to or come visit me.

Dear Epsilon, what’s the weirdest dimension?
By: B. Zarr

Hello B. Hmm, that’s more of an opinionated question. I will say that some of the weirder dimensions are located in the sub-dimensions of the Box dimension. Getting to those sub-dimensions is a bit hard though, as the Box dimension is pretty weird in itself.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Neighborhood dimension returns: Ding dong…it’s this dimension again!

March 17- St. Patrick’s Party 2022: Leprechauns are real…do you think they’ll give me some gold?

March 17- Skating dimension closes: Pack up your ice skates and bid farewell to this winter dimension!

March 24- April Fool’s Party 2022 Construction: Something weird is coming to the dream world soon, and it’s going to be quite silly!