THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Edition 44

FAMED HIDDEN POOL FOUND BY VOLUNTEER WORKERS

By: Arial

In a peculiar ending, the DWPS appears to have found a known hard to find dimension on accident following a recent data collection assignment.

According to Cirrus and volunteers, this discovery was made towards the end of the task on complete accident after receiving a code from a weather station.

“When we arrived to the Beach, the weather station there was emitting a strange numerical code, but I didn’t understand why,” Cirrus explains, “I had relayed the code to some volunteers, but one of them appears to have cracked the code and unlocked a strange portal to this minimal pool dimension!”

The dimension itself is known to be hard to find by many as even the most determined explorers haven’t been able to find it themselves. 

“We all know the dream world is filled with liminal spaces…but this one, I guess you can call it a minimal space!” Cirrus jokes, “In all seriousness, it’s strange we even found it.”

As word of this dimension spread, Figment of the Backrooms is promising to open a portal to it as soon as possible, after receiving permission.

“Yep! One handy-dandy portal coming right up chief! Let’s go!” they said.

While the dimension will get its own waypoint soon, there are strange readings coming from it.

“The weather station here is acting bizarre, but I’m not sure why. It could just need some maintenance…I’ll send it back to HQ and have someone there look at it. I’m sure it’s nothing serious, but hey, you never know. I’m just glad people came out to volunteer and we made an involuntary discovery along the way! I’d say things went smoothly,” Cirrus says.

The Minimal dimension will receive its portal in about a week, and The DWPS is still allowing volunteers to come and collect data for one more week, therefore giving the public one last chance to see the data up close and visit the Minimal dimension as well.

SUMMER NOT AS HOT AS MANY EXPECTED SO FAR

By: Porter

A week into summertime in the dream world has been “underwhelming,” at least according to many dream world citizens.

While many had gone down to the sands at the Beach and Shore, it doesn’t appear to be living up to the summertime hype.

“I heard it was gonna be hot this summer, you know, the usual. Yet, here I am at the Shore and it kind of feels like fall! What gives?” a local tourist said.

“I’m here because I wanted to roast marshmallows and sing campfire songs…but it’s a cool night, cooler than normal. It feels like Halloween, you know? I expected it to be a warm night, but no, it’s practically Halloween!” a local camper told me.

The weather is reminiscent of this last winter, when the forecasts were way wrong, however this time, the weather isn’t behaving erratically. Instead, it’s just not hot like some would have wanted it to be. Still, not everyone is complaining about it.

“Are you kidding me? It feels great out here!” a local angel said, “This weather feels nice, and at least it isn’t feeling sticky out here.”

“Wow, you guys got some real nice weather around here! It reminds me of home… Speaking of home, do you know where home is? Uhh…which way did I come from again?” a local goat person told me.

According to the DWPS’ official website, a “below-average” summer does not appear to have grave consequences like last winter did, but it simply states that it may be a dull summer to look forward to.

“Whatever, as long as it doesn’t get crazy,” Artisan at the Cafe told me, “The last time it snowed like crazy, I couldn’t even walk out the door! At least summer won’t have me flooded in.”

Not all dimensions will feel underwhelming this summer, and the “below-average” rating is merely an early estimate. Official numbers and data will come out towards the end of the summer and verify any discrepancies. For more information, visit the DWPS’ website or visit your nearest forecasting office for additional resources and assistance.

Q/A: Ask Cirrus

Dear Cirrus, how does the weather change while going around the dream world?
By: Gray D. Annt

Hello Gray! If you’ve been around the dream world, you’ll notice that the weather can vary depending on the location you’re in. Luckily, the weather doesn’t change dramatically in an instant, so you don’t have to worry about a sudden rainstorm. As you go around the dream world, you’ll begin to see and feel certain changes that’ll let you know what’s going on.

If it’s starting to get cooler, you’re likely heading into a wintry dimension. It’ll get colder the closer you get until the skies turn grey or dark and you see snow beginning to fall. The same can be said if you head into a non-wintry dimension; it’ll get warmer and you may see rain instead of snow. 

That being said, if you’re staying in an outdoor dimension for a while, any signs of upcoming changing weather will also be noticeable. Clouds may begin to form and the skies may darken, indicating an upcoming storm. It won’t be instant, but you’ll have time to seek shelter before it begins. It’s important to stay up to date on any changing weather conditions by listening to the DWPS and planning ahead. 

Don’t worry, most of the weather in the dream world is calm, but we’re still subjected to changing conditions. We don’t have control over it so just keep an eye to the sky and listen to our meteorologists for any updates on what’s to come!

Dear Cirrus, what’s the difference between a funnel cloud and a tornado?
By: Narr O.

Hello Narr! People seem to always confuse funnel clouds with tornadoes, and there’s a difference! To put it simply, funnel clouds are narrow, spinning columns of air that begin to descend from a cloud. It looks like a tornado, but there's a catch!

Funnel clouds can only be called a tornado if it makes contact with the ground. This contact often involves physically seeing the cloud touch the ground or if the tornado has picked up any sort of debris. So the next time you see a funnel cloud, just be sure it has touched the ground or picked up debris before calling it a tornado. Even so, we also keep track of these! Tornadoes can form along squall lines, cold fronts, drylines, supercells, and even tropical cyclones. We track and monitor all of these and tornadoes are usually seen the most in the spring. Yikes!

Dear Cirrus, what happens when someone manipulates the weather out of nowhere?
By: Cann T. Roll

Hello Cann! These types of situations are typically difficult to forecast and it has us scrambling to gather weather data!

When someone starts to manipulate the weather in an outdoor dimension, our weather stations quickly begin relaying the data to our offices. Any dramatic changes to the weather is seen as “urgent” and we quickly begin to track and monitor said data to make last-second forecasts and relay any information to the public in that particular dimension.

Unfortunately, we do not have the power to make any arrests for those manipulating the weather without permission. The DPF has those powers instead, but we do provide the data as evidence for anyone who does it without permission. Weather stations typically gather the data only if the manipulation is significant enough; if it is small and benign, then the stations won’t pick it up. Just be sure to ask the DPF for permission before doing anything…you never know!

Dear Cirrus, why is summer not so hot this year?
By: Bea Loe

Hello Bea! According to some weather stations, it appears that some dimensions are below-average as summer kicks off. This means that it’ll likely stay that way for the rest of the summer, but to be fair, we’re not really sure why that’s so.

As we remember, this past winter was quite the event. We had predicted an average winter season, but it ended up being above-average in the end. It appears that this time, it’s going to be the opposite. We have summer as “average” but it’s looking to be below-average instead. There are some factors that could contribute to this, but we can’t disclose said information to the public yet. All I’m going to say is that it won’t be too hot this summer for most dimensions, and it might be a “boring” summer for some…

Upcoming Events:

Now- Archived event: Detectives and old cartoonies, here’s your time to shine- again!

Now- Anniversary Party 2022 voting: You get to decide what comes back for a limited time for the Anniversary Party! Choose wisely…

July 7- Neighborhood dimension returns: Isn’t that the name of a band?

July 14- Preparation for the next event: It’s been said that reading is fundamental and Lucid has said that books are a grand source of knowledge…