THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Edition 46

DPF IDENTIFIES ORIGIN OF STRANGE PAINT

By: Porter

The Dimension Protection Force has identified the origin of a recent string of paint incidents across multiple dimensions.

According to the announcement made by Director Ferekides, the source of the paint appears to be coming from a portal that has been opened without prior authorization. The portal itself has been located and agents are working on containing it.

“Someone in the dream world has opened an unauthorized portal that failed short of its apparent destination,” Ferekides stated, “The portal itself does not appear to lead anywhere. Whatever its destination was, it failed, but the portal itself appears to be leaking red paint.”

The director explains that the red paint spotted across the dream world appears to indicate that the portal has gone rogue and is randomly appearing across different dimensions, bringing along the paint.

“While the portal failed, it looks to have gone rogue. This means that the portal is unstable which is causing it to randomly appear and disappear across dimensions. Fortunately, we have secured the portal so it doesn’t teleport elsewhere, and we are currently active on the scene,” Ferekides said, “I don’t believe this is anything abnormal, but it’s definitely a troublemaker who doesn’t know how to make portals correctly. We’ll have an investigation into this nonetheless.”

Director Ferekides reassures everyone that strange paint incidents should seize following the discovery of the portal.

“You shouldn’t worry about having to step into paint on accident anymore,” he said, “The portal is secure, and we’re working on bringing it down. Carry on everyone!”

Regardless, the DPF asks the public to keep an eye out for any more potential unauthorized portals or red paint being splattered across the dream world. You can call the DPF’s tip hotline, or report it to a nearby field officer.

GRAND LIBRARY ANNOUNCES INITIATIVE FOR BOOK AWARENESS

By: Roman

Master Librarian, Akilah, has announced that the Grand Library is going to make an effort to increase interest in books, scriptures, and other readable materials.

According to the Master Librarian, after much consultation with the Book Keepers- an independent organization that is in charge of preserving books, scriptures, manuscripts and the likes in the dream world- it was decided that the general public’s interest in books has gone down in recent years, following the introduction of modern technology like the cellphone, the television, and the internet.

“Books have been the source of knowledge for millenia in the dream world,” she said, “But in recent years, it’s been quite unfortunate to see the interest in books go down as the implementation of the internet and television has shifted focus away from beautiful literature that has been around for so many years.”

The initiative, according to the Book Keepers, will be a slow and gradual push to attract more people to visit the Grand Library, which is located near the Asia and Africa ward borders in the District dimension. The plan consists of having “Book Fairs” that will promote books and other sorts of literature of different genres to the public. The Book Keepers are planning to post posters, push out advertisements on the radio, television and internet to try and persuade those who come across them to visit the Grand Library.

Master Librarian Akilah also states that they will be pushing for more library cards to be issued and a possible remodeling of the Grand Library.

“We want more people to have their own library card so they can come and check out books whenever they want. They don’t even have to spend a single morph on them- they’re free to read! But as with anything borrowed, they must return it eventually. As for the remodeling, it’s likely on the agenda, as a more attractive architecture could also bring more people…” she said.

The Master Librarian states that the public will begin to hear and see more advertisements and promotions in weeks to come. She hopes that it will bring back the interest in books in a robust and modern dream world society.

“Everyone is too busy on their phones or watching the latest soap operas on television to even take a moment to look in a book,” she said, “You can learn a lot by just reading a book. Just like someone I knew once said, ‘Knowledge is power and books are great sources of knowledge,’ to which I agree. So why not come on down and borrow a book or two?”

Q/A: Ask Epsilon

Dear Epsilon, do all lost humans go back to the real world?
By: Hugh Manning

Hello Hugh. We all know that humans who accidentally stumble into our world become confused and scared and seek for assistance. DPF field officers typically escort humans to a nearby DPF field office where they are held for a bit while higher rank officials talk with the Council and request a summon so the human can get back home. The process typically takes less than a calendar week, but rest assured the human will get back home.

However, not all lost humans go back to the real world. There are various cases where humans who come into the dream world just don’t go back home, but the reasons vary.

The biggest reason that humans don’t return to the real world is because they simply don’t want to. Perhaps after discovering how different but similar the dream world society is to the real world, they decide to stay and make a new life for themselves. Perhaps they’re unhappy in the real world and the dream world makes them feel something fuzzy and nostalgic- worth enough to stay. These humans may also land a job somewhere and even change their names to start their life over again. Take Porter of the Subliminal Tribune- did you know that’s not his real name? He went with a new name after deciding to stay in the dream world. There’s nothing wrong with humans wanting to integrate into the dream world society, as much of the dream world- in terms of the environment- is similar to that of the real world.

Of course, there are other reasons that humans don’t make it back to the real world. A lost human may actually become lost. The dream world is quite vast after all, so it wouldn’t be surprising if they actually do get lost and just don’t end up finding signs of life in the vast plane of the dream world. They may end up wandering the isolated parts of the dream world and never bump into anyone for help. There is another reason why humans don’t make it into the real world, but let’s not get too deep here…

Remember that almost all humans who come here to our world do so by accident. It’s not their fault that they are lost down here, and they simply want help to get back home. If you ever find a human who’s lost, be sure to point them in the direction of the nearest DPF field office or DPF field officer who will handle the rest of the case.

Dear Epsilon, what other kinds of organizations are there in the dream world?
By: Gru Ping

Hello Gru. There are many other organisations that exist in the dream world. First and foremost, you know about the Dimension Protection Force- the head agency in charge of keeping the dream world in check and an arm to the Council. There’s also the Dimension Weather Prediction Service- in charge of keeping track of the weather in the dream world; the Dimension Postal Delivery Service- in charge of managing and delivering postal material in the dream world.

There are other organisations you may or may not have heard of. The Dimension Power Energy Company, or DPEC, is in charge of all the power that keeps the lights on in certain parts of the dream world. They also oversee what kind of energy is used for power, whether it be solar, wind, hydro, or the most common- dark. Dark energy is abundant in the dream world, so they often convert it into usable energy to power up our lights, fridges, signs, televisions, etc.

The Book Keepers are an ancient organisation that was formed to preserve all types of literature like books, manuscripts, scriptures, magazines, graphic novels- you name it. The group takes its job quite seriously, but their membership is around 100 members. Still, if you have a keen interest in books and wish to preserve them for generations to come, you can contact Master Librarian Akilah in the Grand Library for more information.

There are other organisations and groups worth checking out if you have interests elsewhere. Whether you’re interested in becoming a culinary chef, a construction worker, an educator, a virologist, a doctor, or even a clown. Take a look and ask around, you may just find a group or organisation that you’ll end up liking.

Dear Epsilon, how is your tail so big and fluffy?
By: Canni Pettit

Hello Canni. My tail is pretty big and fluffy, yes. I brush every morning as I’m doing my morning routine, but it does take a while. Sometimes I’ll have Dylan reach places that are hard to get to, but I’ve never missed a day in brushing it. By the way, it’s off limits.

Upcoming Events:

Now- New character: This poor little goat is far from home and needs help getting back!

Now- Beach dimension caution: Heavy rain and strong winds are likely to shut down the Beach dimension next week. Better pack up those umbrellas!

July 21- Fractured Fairytales: To understand why there’s a rift in the first place, perhaps we’ll need to ask Her majesty of Wonderland if she knows a thing or two about it…

July 28- Anniversary Party 2022: Make a wish and blow out the candles on the cake!