THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, July 28, 2022
Edition 48
EARLY DATA SUGGESTS OTHERWORLDLY PORTAL MATERIALS
By: Porter
Preliminary data coming in from the DPF’s analysis of the recent portal that’s been contained has revealed that the excess waste appears to be linked to an external world apart from the dream world.
According to some of the documents that the DPF has made public, the excess waste does not seem to behave like what most materials in the dream world would normally behave. This indicates that the excess waste would likely be coming from another world outside of the dream world and therefore indicate that the portal itself may have been a failed attempt to visit an entirely different world.
“It’s just speculation,” a DPF agent tells me, “The waste itself behaves and reacts differently from how some substances do in the dream world. Big evidence that it’s from another world.”
While there is big evidence that the portal led to a different world, it doesn’t appear to be linked towards the real world.
“We know how excess waste reacts and behaves when it’s leading to the real world- thanks to Lucid-” the DPF agent says, “And this reacts differently than that, therefore, it’s not a portal that would have led to or from the real world.”
This shocking revelation has put infamous dream demon and ex-DPF agent, Lucid, under fire once again. The Council has been made aware of this, and council-member Cornelius has issued a very rare public statement and dire warning to Lucid himself.
“Dear Lucid, if you believe that trying to visit another world to live your new life is the best way to evade your capture and re-sentencing, then you should know that you are making a very huge and dangerous mistake and thus endangering all of the dream world. Do us a favour and turn yourself in, won’t you?”
The DPF will continue to investigate the origin of the portal and analyse more excess waste to determine what world it was intending to lead to or where it came from. In the meantime, they ask the public to keep an eye out for anything suspicious and to report any illegal behaviour.
HEALTH DEPT. ACKNOWLEDGES LOW CASES OF HEAT ILLNESSES
By: Roman
The Dimension Disease Control and Protection, the dream world’s health department and a branch within the DPF, is acknowledging that cases of heat related illnesses appear to be lower than most other years on record.
According to the data, which is publicly available on the DDCP’s website, there have only been around 38 heat related illnesses documented so far this year, dating back to June 1. Of those cases, a majority of them are heat exhaustion.
“It’s a good sign that these types of illnesses are pretty low, especially for this time of year,” DDCP Chief Dr. Demi states, “It’s always good to see any illness with low case counts.”
According to her, she attributes the low case count with the unusually temperate summer that the dream world is currently experiencing.
“The DWPS’ recent data collection showed that summer is not as hot as other years, so it’s safe to link that with low heat related cases of illnesses,” Dr. Demi says, “Most other summers have been hot, but this one doesn’t appear to be hot like those summers.”
Regardless, Dr. Demi reminds everyone to keep protecting themselves this summer.
“Drink water, stay hydrated and cool. Try to find shade if you’re out in a hot dimension under the sun too,” she says, “Heat related illnesses are not contagious, but they can be life threatening.”
Besides heat related illnesses, the DDCP also monitors for other diseases and potential outbreaks. So far this year, they haven’t seen anything abnormal.
“We’re aware a lot of different things have gone awry this year in the dream world, but disease wise, everything is pretty normal,” she tells me, “Our agents are trained well and are ready to be deployed should there be a potential outbreak anywhere in the dream world. They go out and try to contain it as much as they can and investigate the origin of it. Luckily, we haven’t needed to do that this year. Let’s hope it stays that way!”
“If you feel sick and don’t know why or what it is, go visit a doctor. They are skilled in their professions and can help you out with anything. Stay safe and healthy!” she says.
Q/A: Ask the main cast
Dear Nate, what do you do on your off days?
By: Ben G. Watch
Hi Ben! On my days off, I’m up late at night catching up on soap operas! There’s this one soap opera that was left on a cliffhanger and I’m not sure if the female protagonist is going to say yes to the marriage proposal made by the other male protagonist…the suspense!
Dear Figment, do you ever leave the Backrooms?
By: Bea Ray Kee
Hi Bea! Why would I ever want to leave the Backrooms?! I’m not taking a break- nope, nuh uh! I love being here and looking after this place, even if it gets lonely hehe…
Dear Telly, where do you like to shop?
By: Molly Place
Hello Molly! I enjoy shopping at Modern Electronics in the Mall dimension. There are a lot of TV screens to choose from! What a delight!
Dear Cal, do you look forward to autumn?
By: May Pul
Hello May, I sure do! That’s when business starts booming for old Cal’s pumpkins! Just gotta get through this darn summer season first, hmph.
Dear Almoral, do you have a job?
By: Emmy Ploier
Hello Emmy! Why, um, yes I do, duh! Did you know that people sometimes come to seek my services so that they can talk to dead people? Creepy? What no! Some people have their own reasons as to why they may want to talk to spirits, and I’m not one to judge! After all, they come to the best and widely renowned necromancer around hehehe~
Dear Epsilon, do you ever go out to clubs?
By: Dan C.
Hello Dan. Yes, I do go out to clubs with Dylan every now and then. After all, both of us do like to have fun on the weekends, and we like spending time together when doing so.
Dear Porter, would you ever dye your hair?
By: Bruce Nett
Hello Bruce! I don’t think I would! I think blond is a pretty good colour for me, don’t you think?
Dear Cirrus, what is your favorite type of cloud?
By: True Posfere
Hello True! Although my name is Cirrus, my favorite type of cloud is the cumulonimbus cloud! There’s a lot of action that takes place in one of those clouds, so it’s my favorite to study as well!
Dear Sylveran, what kind of music do you listen to?
By: Jasmine Muses
Greetings Jasmine. I enjoy listening to both jazz and rock genres of music. There is nothing like sitting by the fireplace with a drink in hand while the record player spins around.
Dear Dylan, is your pink hair natural?
By: Natalie Real
Hi Natalie! Yes! This bubble gum, cotton candy colored pink hair is 100% all natural, hehe.
Dear M3-0W, are you allergic to water?
By: Al. R. Geez
Hello Al! Do you mean to say if water is damaging to me? If so, then I can assure you that water does not harm me! I was made to be waterproof and resistant to most types of weather, so don’t worry! That being said, I only take in water sometimes to keep my system from overheating!
Upcoming Events:
Now- Anniversary Party 2022: Happy birthday, Biz Mart! A lot has happened this past year, but thankfully there’s a party and an entire exhibit to showcase our adventures together!
August 4- Fractured Fairytales ends: Oh our time in Wonderland comes to an end so quickly…
August 4- Beach reopens: Good news! Looks like Tropical Cyclone A22 is expected to subside by next week, which means, Beach is coming back, baby!
August 11- Birthday Party: Do you think that robots call it birthdays or do they call it dates of creation? Dates of invention? Creationdays?