THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Edition 53

CAL’S PUMPKINS REOPENS FOR AUTUMN SEASON

By: Porter

The citizens of the dream world are remembering about the Patch dimension right about now, just as the dimension itself has reappeared in time for autumn.

Every year, the Patch dimension returns in the autumn and people from around the dream world come to visit and take part in gathering pumpkins for personal use. Cal, the farmer and owner of the land, does not mind people taking pumpkins with them. He spends all year growing them in isolation, and simply hopes people will come to appreciate them.

“While Cal may not charge a morph for pumpkins- he should- he does hope people come and take some with them to eat or decorate,” Nate tells me, “He’s very proud of his pumpkins! Oh and don’t worry about him running out. He uses some strange seeds that grow pumpkins pretty quickly overnight. He practically never runs out!”

The pumpkin farmer himself was not seen anywhere at the reopening of the dimension, but Nate tells me that’s not strange.

“He’s pretty to himself- I can respect that. He would rather people gather pumpkins and not make a ruckus in his patch. Wherever he is, I hope he knows we love his pumpkins! I’m going to take a few home and try recreating Lucid’s pumpkin pie recipe. I think I have a shot at doing so!”

Human nostalgia of the autumn season is also bound to bring more seasonal dimensions, but it may take a few weeks for more to appear.

“The DPF and nostalgists in the dream world are always keeping an eye out for these types of dimensions all the time,” Nate explains, “There will be more popping up, so don’t worry about it! I just hope the Fair dimension comes back. I could use a candy apple right about now!”

Cal’s pumpkins (the Patch) is expected to be open until mid to late-November before it closes to the public again. Cal himself may appear at some point, but it is hard to tell at this point. Regardless, those planning to visit should expect some crowds and lines in the first few weeks. Those visiting should also refrain from causing any commotion or loitering around the dimension which could have you escorted out by the DPF.

AUTUMN WILL BE AVERAGE, WEATHER SERVICE SAYS

By: Oswald

Autumn in the dream world has officially arrived, according to the weather service.

The Dimension Weather Prediction Service clocked in autumn on September 1, which means that summer is over, and cooler weather is on the way.

According to their website, some dimensions have already begun to see slight temperature drops in the days before autumn officially kicked in. Unlike the summer that just passed, they expect this season to be average.

“We’ve finished analyzing our summer data and concluded that this summer was near below-average,” Cirrus- a senior meteorologist at the DWPS- says, “Which means that summer wasn’t consistent with previous years of summer data in the dream world. Some dimensions were cooler than normal for summer, but very few. Still, it means that this year was near below-average.”

Addressing rumors regarding the possibility of the recent rift incident causing the abnormal weather anomalies, Cirrus says that it looks more likely that that was the case after all.

“Our team hasn’t come to that conclusion solidly yet, but it’s the best hypothesis regarding last winter and this summer. If such is the case, we are using this as the basis for our autumn prediction,” she explains, “Because the rift is now contained, we are going to assume that this autumn should go by smoothly. Basically, the rift means weird weather and seasons, and no rift means normal weather and seasons.”

When asked about what autumn could bring, Cirrus explains that it’s the more “boring” season for meteorologists in the dream world.

“If you’re a weather enthusiast, autumn is pretty straight forward,” she tells me, “There isn’t much in the sense of severe weather- besides tropical cyclones in September- and the weather simply gets a bit cooler as the leaves change their colors. You really shouldn’t expect anything abnormal in the autumn, but regarding recent events, just stay tuned for anything! Our models and forecasts don’t hint at anything in the near term.”

Autumn in the dream world lasts from now until the last day which is November 30. For more information regarding weather forecasts in your area or elsewhere in the dream world, please visit the DWPS website or check your nearest weather forecasting office for additional information and resources.

Q/A: Ask Telly

Dear Telly, how old are you turning this year?

By: Gatin Ohldur

Greetings Gatin! I am turning 95 years old! Can you believe I’m almost a century old? I’ve seen a lot, but definitely not as much as others I know!

Dear Telly, what’s your favorite food?

By: E. Thur

Greetings E. Funny question actually, and a bit amusing! I don’t have a mouth for eating so I can’t answer your question! As a television entity, we don’t consume actual food, but instead we base our diet on watts- which is electricity! The more watts we consume, the longer we can stay up and about. Isn’t that just fascinating?!

Dear Telly, are you a part of any organization?

By: Emmy P. Lloyd

Salutations Emmy! Around thirty years ago, I was actually working a job over at DPEC. My expertise in electricity was put to good use, but alas! I decided to quit and maintain my own dimension full of televisions! It’s quite fun there, oh yes it is, but I’m not a part of any organization now. Perhaps I may go back to working at DPEC soon…stay tuned!

Dear Telly, can I touch your head?

By: Moni Tor

Hello Moni! I’ve been asked on a few occasions if people can touch my monitor head, and to that I say, no! My monitor needs to be spot free of any smudges and clean at all costs! No offense to anyone else, but it is very strange and surpasses my boundaries!

Dear Telly, would you own any pets?

By: Doug Lover

Greetings Doug! I have always wanted to own a cat! I think cats are very curious and cute creatures that make the world a better place! I would love to own one, but I’m not sure what kind. I’ll have to do my research before finding a specific breed…I shall let you know what comes of it and if I decide to get a cat for sure!

Dear Telly, how can you channel surf?

By: Travis L. 

Salutations Travis! Channel surfing is a very entertaining pass-time! I am only able to do it by television, which also means that I can only visit dimensions that have a television in them. For television entities, it’s quite simple really. Our bodies consist of the same material that television monitors do, so we can simply squeeze ourselves in them and enter the world of the television!

It’s hard for ordinary people to do it, but you can always learn how to! But I must warn you if you plan on doing it unsupervised because it could scramble your molecules! If you’re up for it, I can take you along with me since I’m an expert at this. It’ll be a jolly good show!

Dear Telly, what is your opinion of Lucid?

By: O. Pina

Greetings O! Hmph! That no good dream demon is always up to no good! To think that he had the audacity to break the main rule of the dream world and then somehow manage to escape his sentencing and is now roaming around all willy-nilly?! If you ask me, Lucid should go back and finish his time. He was quite aware of the rules and still got caught red-handed. Rules are rules! Hmph…I am not sure if I will ever get along with that troublesome dream demon. Nate still has feelings for him, but I will not judge him. Nate is not Lucid, and Nate hasn’t broken any rule. The DPF will probably catch him again someday- not that I’m advocating for it or anything!

Dear Telly, what do you want for your birthday this year?

By: Annie Varsari

Hello Annie! Can I be honest with you? It may sound a bit silly, but I want a hat! A top hat if I’m being precise. Nothing more, nothing less! They’re always said that I’m a fancy little television person, and that a top hat would be enough to make me look like a chap! I’ve browsed hats before, but I could never decide on just one. So why not have someone surprise me with my first top hat? I hope to get one someday…wouldn’t I look just marvelous then!?

Upcoming Events:

Now- Birthday Party: Telly celebrates another year being the fancy television they are!

Now- Patch dimension returns: Cal’s Pumpkins are back, and of course, no sign of Cal.

September 8- Prelude to next event: What’s your favorite autumn dessert?

September 15- Seasonal dimension drops: Caramel apples, pumpkins, popcorn, and hay…it’s practically autumn!