THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Edition 55

CAL BEGINS SELLING PUMPKIN PIES IN PATCH DIMENSION

By: Porter

After a few days of setting up his stand, Cal of the Patch has begun to sell pumpkin pies for everyone who visits!

Last week, the Tribune reported that Cal would be selling this dish after an opportunity arose for him following the visit of an anonymous man. After being told to sell pies, with no catches and that he could keep the money, the anonymous man vanished but Cal decided to do so as he saw it as the perfect opportunity to attract visitors to his famed pumpkin patch.

“It’s easy business! It’s starting to bring customers! My pumpkins will get the recognition they deserve!” he exclaims in an interview.

The pumpkin pies are said to be “irresistible” to anyone who decides to try them, but unfortunately I am unable to as I am allergic to pumpkins; however, we interviewed other attendees to see what they think about the pies.

“They’re really good!” a local fairy tells me, “I can practically taste the pumpkin in it!”

“Boy, they weren’t kidding when they said these pies would be ‘irresistible!’,” Finnegan- leader of the DPF’s rescue operations team- says, “I should definitely take some back to work for the gang there. They’d love it!”

“Boo, what’s all the big commotion over some pies…” Almoral, a local necromancer says, “If you ask me, I can make an even better pie- one that will shatter everyone’s expectations! It’ll be for the history books! Just you wait!”

The stand at the Patch displays “Samson’s Pies,” but when asked about the name, Cal shrugged.

“The man just told me to sell pies using that title name or whatever the heck it means. Not sure who Samson is though. I reckon it’s the man who offered me this?” he states.

The Tribune has asked the DPF’s personal citizen records office, which holds records on just about everyone in the dream world, for information on anyone with the name Samson, and have yet to hear from them. 

For those wishing to buy some of the pumpkins pies, they are selling for 25 morphs at the Patch and recently returning Fair dimensions- at their respective stands, of course. Visitors are asked to prepare for crowds and lines ahead of checking them out.

FAIR DIMENSION RETURNS, CROWDS LINE UP

By: Oswald

The Fair dimension has returned this week as part of the autumn season, and crowds have begun to line up.

Every year, the Fair comes back in the autumn as part of its yearly appearance in the dream world. The dimension caters itself as a “county” fair- reminiscent of those in the U.S. enclave of the America ward in the District dimension. 

“This dimension is so pretty to visit,” a visitor tells me, “The sunset sky gives off a nice glow, don’t you think?”

“I come for the popcorn and caramel apples!” another visitor tells me, “The caramel apples are so good. They really taste better in the autumn!”

“I come for the performances,” a local cowboy explains, “They got this stage here for anybody to come up and perform. Heck, I might even join in!”

This year there appears to be a new addition to the Fair- a stand selling pumpkin pies- the same ones that are being sold in the Patch dimension. Attendees aren’t sure who’s selling pies here, other than the name of the stand being “Samson’s Pies.”

“Who the heck is Samson? I’m not sure, but these pies sure taste phenomenal!” a local passerby tells me, “I suppose they have a stand here to promote the pies and get the word out there about them. Pretty good!”

The Fair dimension is available for everyone to visit from now until sometime late November when the autumn season begins to pass. Visitors are asked to prepare for crowds and moderate wait times for certain stands. 

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, how have you been lately?

By: Ets Binna Wyle

Hi Ets! Wow, everything’s been going alright! After a quick break following the rift incident, I’m back trying to find the bits and pieces of what the heck is going on! Some leads have come up, so I’m working with M3-0W to connect the dots. I’m getting another day off soon though because of my birthday! I’m excited about that!

Dear Nate, what happens if a human goes back to the real world after a long time?

By: A. G.

Hiya A! We’ve talked about the aging compression thing before and how that affects how we age down here in the dream world. Furthermore, this also affects humans here, because they too begin to age slowly like the rest of us! Let’s say they spend a hundred years down here and decide to return- that means that they’ll be over a hundred years old, true, but it also means that once they go back to the real world, they may still look young- but they’re older than everyone else!

Not to worry though, they won’t suddenly turn to dust if they go back to earth. It would honestly just be pretty lonely knowing everyone you knew is gone… Kind of dark! Humans who spend that much time in the dream world don’t even think about going back knowing this fate. The dream world is just that much cooler, wink wink!

Dear Nate, are you excited for halloween?

By: Spu Kee

Hello Spu! Yes, I am excited for halloween! It’s a fun holiday to get to dress up as something you aren’t. What do you think I should dress up as?

Dear Nate, are dimensions of permanent seasons typically in the same area?

By: Gru P.

Hiya Gru! Yes, this is typically the case. Everseason dimensions are usually found grouped by each other. This has to do with the seasonal climatological structure of a dimension- words that I’m sure Cirrus could explain better than me! Basically, everwinter dimensions are close to each other because their weather synchronizes better with other everwinter dimensions. The same can be said for eversummer, everspring, and everautumn dimensions, and that’s good because that way the weather doesn’t always change every few minutes if you’re out there walking in the dream world!

Of course, not all dimensions are like this, but the ones that are usually never change their season- unless some weird anomaly happens (think last winter- we all know how that went!) or some other natural reason. Do you have a favorite everseason dimension? I like the Home- it’s quite cozy, don’t you think?

Dear Nate, I heard you and Lucid are going out. Is that true?

By: Noe Z.

Waaaaa?! Where did you get that from?! Uh…ahem, as you know, it is illegal for any agent of the DPF to be in a romantic relationship with a registered criminal- that’s breaking the law! Lucid and I are not going out, and for the record, I haven’t seen Lucid in a longgggg time! Who even started that rumor?! No no no, Lucid and I are just really good friends…even if we haven’t seen each other in a long time. No dating, no relationship, not my boyfriend- get out!

Dear Nate, what do you wish for your birthday this year?

By: Sidney D.

Hi Sidney! Gee, this question always gets asked every year, and I kind of always give the same answer. 

When you get to be thousands of years old, you kind of just stop wishing for specific presents and such! I’ve wanted my horns to get bigger for a few years now, but boy do they grow so slowly… They’ll get bigger over time, I’m sure.

Let me think… Well, after a pretty rough year, I think I would just want to spend my birthday with friends and the like. Having people to support you and look out for you is really important, and to see everyone I care about come to see me on my birthday…well, that would mean the world to me. And maybe not everyone I care about can come and see me, but I know they still think about me regardless.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Pumpkin pie sale: Looking to have a literal taste of autumn? Come over to the Patch!

Now- Birthday Party: Surprise! Happy birthday to the cutest dream demon around!

Now- Seasonal dimension drops: Come one, come all, to the annual county fair!

September 22- Corn Maze 2022: What lies at the end of such a corn filled maze? Spoiler: it's more corn!

September 29- Biz Mart goes dark: I suppose Sid forgot to pay the electric bill. Either that or it was the rats again.