THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Edition 56

HEALTH DEPARTMENT MONITORING RECENT STRING OF EVENTS

By: Porter

The Dimension Disease Control and Protection agency, DDCP, is monitoring strange activity following a string of events in the dream world.

On Sunday the 18, the DPF responded to an incident in the District dimension of a person who was acting erratic and was unresponsive when confronted by officers; that person was put into custody. The following day, on the 19, the DPF responded to another incident of another person who was behaving the same as the first person; they have also been put into custody.

The one thing to note is that following the first statement by the DPF, the DDCP was the agency issuing statements afterwards. This led to speculation that the incidents were concerning public health, but the DDCP has stated that this is “not a concern for public health”- at least at the moment.

On Tuesday the 20, the DDCP announced that they would be the agency responding to calls relating to this type of incident after they reported another six individuals who had been detained for behaving erratically and unresponsively. This led to further speculation of a possible pathological threat, but the DDCP remained with their original stance.

Yesterday, they announced that the agency would be shutting down certain businesses for “public health inspections” that would last until further notice. Some of these businesses include Reliable Records at the Mall, Bunkin’ Bagels at the Establishment, Tino’s Pizzeria at the Parlor- just to name a few. They also announced that another eight individuals had been detained for similar, aggressive behavior.

The agency confirmed that they are monitoring these recent string of events, but nothing is concerning as of now. 

“We’re closely monitoring all incidents, but we are not treating this as a public health emergency,” a spokesperson stated, “If anything comes up, the public will be notified.”

SAMSON’S PUMPKIN PIES ARE THE LATEST CRAZE

By: Roman

Pumpkin pies are selling fast, according to recent sales data.

The pumpkin pies being primarily sold in the Patch dubbed, “Samson’s Pies,” are a hit, with many customers coming back for seconds- sometimes thirds.

“It’s the latest craze!” a bat person tells me, “If you’re not eating these pies, you’re missing out on the latest trend!”

“They’re really, really good. I can’t believe I’ve never tasted a pie this good before in my life,” a local sunflower person tells me.

Cal of the Patch has been selling these pies for over a week now, and visitors to the Patch have increased significantly. However, despite the large number of visitors, people are mainly coming for the pies- leaving Cal’s own pumpkins almost untouched.

“It’s kind of sad. Cal put a lot of effort into growing his pumpkins, but people seem more interested in the pies,” Epsilon of the Apartments says, “I’m going to take some home with me so Cal doesn’t feel like his pumpkins aren’t getting attention. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m going to take some pumpkins too!” Telly of the Television tells me, “Not that I can even eat them- I don’t have a mouth!- but it is that time of year, so why not decorate my home for it?!”

Despite the efforts of some people picking pumpkins, the main focus is on the pies, which remain a hit among the dream world population.

“Pie…pie…gotta have more pie!” a local bull person says.

“One pie, two pie, three pie, four…I love pie and I gotta have more!” a local cheerleader exclaims.

The main question remains is the mystery behind the “Samson” title. It’s speculated that the original businessman who made these pies is named Samson, but there are many questions as to who he is, why he made pies, and why he didn’t sell them himself.

Regardless, the pies will continue to be sold throughout the rest of the season at the Patch and other select areas in the dream world.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, what is your favorite season? 

By: Sol Stiz 

Hi Sol! Ah well, there’s four seasons to choose, and they’re all so pretty in their own ways! 

Spring comes and all the flowers start blooming. It’s also when the Garden Dimension comes and so many people get to frolic through the flowers! While I like this season, it does trigger my allergies, so I think I’ll pass on this one. 

Summer is hot! What better way than to head to the Beach Dimension and catch a wave, or sit by the water. This dimension is really relaxing, but I’m not really a big fan of the heat, so I will pass on this one too. 

Autumn is so beautiful. The air gets crisp, and the leaves start falling. Not only that, but it’s when things get spooky and when the pumpkins start appearing! Coincidentally, my birthday sometimes falls on the first day of fall, so wink wink! 

Winter is another beautiful season. While the trees lose their leaves and look bare, the snow falls and in comes all of the holiday dimensions. I love the cold, and this scarf keeps me comfortable! The only thing I don’t like about winter is how all the flowers go to sleep. Very sad to see! 

I guess my favorite season has to be autumn then! There’s nothing more incredible than seeing how the leaves of trees change color and then fall to the ground. I love it so much! 

Dear Nate, is that a halo or are those horns on your head? 

By: Dee Monick 

Hi Dee! This is a common question I get a lot when meeting people, so let me get to the facts. 

Believe it or not, these are horns! As a dream demon, we all develop horns at some point in our lives, but every dream demon’s horns are different; mine are red, but Lucid’s are black! Horns in general come in different sizes and odd forms. Some are curly, some are spiky, some are dull, you get the picture! 

Dream demons develop their horns over time, and by time, I mean several upon several years! There is no way to speed up this process, so young dream demons have to wait until they are mature. Interestingly, some horns have special abilities to them. Take Lucid for example: his horns emit a faint frequency that allow him to sense his surroundings. Think of it being like a built-in echo location. Pretty cool, right?! Other horns might emit light, glow in the dark, among other strange and cool things.

As for me, I’m not really sure why people see a halo! My theory is that some people who I encounter on my travels are very tired and seem to be imagining a halo on my head. Rest assured, they are horns and always were! 

Upcoming Events:

Now- Corn Maze 2022: I’d say a joke about this event, but I don’t want to sound corny.

September 29- Biz Mart goes dark: The local electric company will be working in the area it seems. Looks to be routine maintenance, but let’s hope it doesn’t blow a fuse.

September 29- New area: The employees here dress funny, and there’s cat pictures on the wall. Their cupcakes taste good though!

September 29- Rewind room expands: More archived events means the rewind room will have to grow!

October 6- Beach dimension returns: It was a dark and stormy night…all scary stories begin this way.