THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Edition 61

TEAM OF INVESTIGATORS OUT LOOKING FOR SOURCE, CURE

By: Porter

The team tapped to investigate the source of Neapworm is now on the move in the dream world.

The team, led by Ophelia with DPF agents Nate and M3-0W, is said to be going around to various locations looking for leads and tips regarding a theory that arose after a thorough examination of DDCP data.

In previous weeks, the DDCP had asked the public to record everything that they were consuming, whether it be food or beverage. They also asked people to list the date and location of where said items were obtained; however, not everyone followed the directions clearly, so there is some discrepancy in data.

Still, after narrowing down most of the data, they pin pointed out that pumpkin pies could perhaps be the culprit for Neapworm in the dream world.

While only a theory, the team believes that pumpkin pies, perhaps those from Cal’s Pumpkins or from the Patch itself, are to blame. Most of the people who fell ill from Neapworm listed pumpkin pie in the previous days before succumbing to it, but some did not list the location where it was obtained. 

In order to obtain some additional information and leads to back them up and further prove the theory correct, the team is out interviewing those who have not gotten infected with Neapworm about their dietary habits within the last few weeks.

“Yes, we’re out and about asking questions and trying to put the puzzle pieces together,” Ophelia says, “We have a good feeling about our theory, but we’ll need some extra leads just to be sure.”

“We’re close!” M3-0W tells me, “If my own data is correct, it’s a 99.6% chance that this theory is right!”

“Neapworm is pretty scary, though I think I know where to go for help on how to stop it,” Nate says, “I just hope I’m right!”

NEAP-1 cases are sitting at 86,481 as of October 26. The DDCP is stating that the peak is yet to be reached, and cases will continue to rise. For the latest updates on Neapworm, visit the DDCP’s website or follow us at the Subliminal Tribune for more!

UPCOMING HOLIDAYS LOOKING TO BE DARK AMIDST OUTBREAK

By: Roman

As Halloween approaches this Monday, it’s becoming clearer that the holiday is going to be overshadowed by Neapworm. Halloween, however, may not be the only holiday that could be overshadowed by it though.

At the current rate, it appears that the Neapworm outbreak may extend into November and December. This means that NEAP-1 could also be the central focus during Christmas and perhaps the new year. Despite still being two months away, NEAP-1 is already affecting Christmas.

“It’s terrible! Neapworm is driving up the bad side of The List!” Rainier, Secretary of Christmas Affairs at the Pole tells me, “You see, when people get Neapworm, they become all aggressive and violent which makes them bad. It’s so sad that they can’t control it and that they have to end up on the list involuntarily!”

This is causing uncertainty at the Pole among workers who have been making gifts all year for the good people.

“We’ve made a lot of gifts so far to date this year, but now all of these poor people are becoming bad! What are we gonna do with the gifts now?” a Pole worker tells me.

Closer to date, Halloween has some people on edge, with some considering cancelling plans and others staying home to avoid NEAP-1 altogether.

“It’s sad that we might have to cancel the Halloween plans we made a while ago because of this parasite,” a witch says, “It’s so wicked! I can’t believe a little worm is making us go through all of this!”

“I guess we can just stay home to watch scary movies,” Epsilon of the Apartments tells me, “Maybe we’re too old to trick-or-treat anyway.”

If you’re going out this Monday for Halloween, we urge our readers to be safe and to stay aware of their surroundings. If you encounter someone with NEAP-1 symptoms, steer clear and report it to the DDCP. Stay safe this Halloween!

Q/A: Ask Almoral

Dear Almoral, what’s your biggest fear? 

By: Skarr Y.

HelloSkarr! What? Me? Having fears? Psh…please…this necromancer isn’t afraid of anything! There’s nothing in the whole wide dream world that scares me! Spiders? Cute! The dark? Awesome! Clowns? Funny! Zombies? Bring it on!! Nah, Almoral isn’t afraid of anything, ya hear me?? Hehehe, ah, except maybe Lucid… Huh? No you don’t get it! Lucid can be scary if he gets mad! I…I don’t ever want to make Lucid mad… That’s why I want to be on Lucid’s good side! Only Lucid scares me, but thank goodness he doesn’t like to get mad anyway!

Dear Almoral, what kind of music do you like to listen to? 

By: Sinn G.

Hello Sinn! I really like to listen to whatever music others recommend to me! I don’t mind listening to any type of genre because I think that’s how you find the best music out there! Lucid told me that it’s okay to be curious, so being curious about different genres of music and artists has been eye opening to me. Whether it’s rock, jazz, country, rap, pop, or something else, I look forward to listening to all types! Maybe I won’t like one song in particular, but I might like another! Listening to music can be fun! Ugh…I wish Lucid could come back to undo the curse because part of the curse means he can’t listen to music. Why did I have to include that!!

Dear Almoral, how do you make a living? 

By: Emmy Ploid

Hello Emmy! It might seem like I don’t work, but actually, I’d like to put those rumors to rest! I have built a good reputation on being a pretty good necromancer- I am- so I often get customers come to me wanting to talk to certain spirits. A lot of these spirits are typically those like old family members, friends, or sometimes even famous human figures- though, these are rare. It’s understanding that customers miss a certain person in their life so they want to talk to them for a bit and catch up. There’s one customer in particular, an anonymous man with orange hair, that comes to me every day in the evening! He’s practically my friend at this point! These customers pay me nicely for helping raise a spirit or two, and I get to do the thing I love most! If only I could summon Lucid…but he’s still alive- thankfully so!

Dear Almoral, have you found your soulmate yet? 

By: Saul M.

Hello Saul! Hmm, I don’t know to be honest! I remember talking to some oracle many years ago and she said I had two soulmates, but she wouldn’t tell me who they were! Boo, that sucked, but she did tell me that I had already met one of them and the second one was yet to be met. So…I can only assume the first soulmate was this one person in particular but…

Ah…that was many years ago. I don’t like talking about it. I’m not sure who the second one is or if I even met them yet! That oracle refuses to tell me!!! Tch. Whatever. I’m perfectly fine not knowing! Interestingly, I think Lucid told me that he has two as well! Hehehe, what can we say…we’re just so awesome that we get more than one!

Dear Almoral, do you have any friends? 

By: Bud E.

Hello Bud! What kind of question is that?! Of course I do! I…have friends. Yes…I do! Let me tell you about Dylan and Epsilon AKA some of the coolest people ever! I met Dylan when he was on one of his postal routes that passed by my mansion that day. We instantly clicked over our similar humor and he told me that I was a pretty funny guy! HA! Take that, haters! Eventually, he made me meet his partner Epsilon and hehe, what a guy that man is! Dylan is so funny and cool, while Epsilon is serious but still cool! Epsilon might seem like he hates me, but he doesn’t- don’t worry! The three of us often hang out together doing fun things like games or watching movies. We are The Three Amigos! Hehehe, they’re a cool pair to hang out with! But nothing beats being friends with the smartest, coolest, awesomest, kindest, and cutest person ever in the dream world: Lucid!

Dear Almoral, can you count to one hundred? 

By: Hun D. Reed

Hello Hun! Uh…do you mean if I can count above ten? If so, yes I can! Pfft, easy peasy stuff! Did you know that Lucid can do math at the top of his head? He’s literally a walking calculator!

Dear Almoral, what do you want for Christmas? 

By: Kris K.

Hello Kris! Hmm…wow what a tough question! Uh………can I have some time with this? Normally I’d say ‘Oh easy! I want Lucid!’ but Santa doesn’t deliver real people so that’s a bummer. Oh! I saw a cool cape the other month at the Market, but the man didn’t have it in green! He had every other color except green! What kind of person sells something with every color in the rainbow, except the best color ever- green?!?! Tch! Maybe Santa will give me that cape- but in green! I’m hoping I’ve been good and I hope I can get to show Lucid someday too!

Dear Almoral, are you ever going to clean your mansion? 

By: May D.

Hello May! Um, what do you mean? My mansion is perfectly fine! Yeah yeah, there’s some cobwebs…some dust…papers scattered everywhere…but psh, it’s fine! I used to have a maid working for me many years ago before Lucid came over and her name was Rosalia. She was the best! She was old, but quite kind and often lectured me about different things. She sadly moved on to a better place, butttttt when Lucid came over, I didn’t have any clothes to spare for him and he ended up wearing Rosalia’s old maid clothes. Hehehe, he looked so cute in it! He even took the time to do some chores around the mansion without being told so. I guess he did it to kill time, or maybe he’s just that generous and kind. Either way, my mansion now is perfectly fine the way it is! It’s all a part of the aesthetic!!!

Dear Almoral, do you plan on living forever? 

By: Eva Lasting

Hello Eva! Gee, that’s a tough question! I do plan on living a long life, but I don’t know about forever. I take special potions and elixirs to stay looking young and handsome, of course, but at some point, I’m going to have to accept the fact that I have to keep growing up. I’m not sure how long my life will be, but I think it’ll be long enough to see something like Lucid come back to me or maybe- what if- it’s long enough for me to see myself start a family or something?! That’d be so awesome! I’m not immortal, but I will do everything I can to live a long, fun and cool life!

Dear Almoral, what do you miss most about Lucid? 

By: Sidney L.

Hello Sidney! Ah…where do I begin…

Well, Lucid is seriously the kindest person ever! I can’t stress how sweet he is to literally everyone. He speaks at a pace that’s enough for me to understand what he’s saying, he’s really smart, he’s really patient, and of course, he’s really cute. Lucid’s patience was really something else. There were times where I struggled understanding some of the things he was teaching me, but he took his time to make sure I understood! Oh! That’s another thing! Lucid taught me a lot of things that I kept notes and knowledge of! I liked listening to him talk about things that I had no knowledge about, but seeing him light up when talking about things was so nice. 

I’ve met bad people in my life, but Lucid is the one person who never made me feel like I was stupid or incapable of learning new things. He might be a dream demon, but he is seriously an angel too. I…I really miss him. The way he made me happy and excited to wake up each day to talk to him and learn something new…I miss that feeling. I don’t think there’s one thing I miss most about him because I miss him a lot in general. I promise that you’ll never meet someone like Lucid anywhere else in the dream world. People come and go, but Lucid is one in a million. My door is always open to him coming back, so…I’ll be waiting and hoping he decides to take a step in my mansion again sometime soon. I’ll be there for him.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Operation Infection: Follow our friends along as they try to verify a theory in mind about the potential cause for the disease, while also finding a cure for it!

Now- Birthday Party: Yes, Almoral got thrown a birthday party for him in the Party dimension this year (you’re welcome).

November 3- Sid returns to Biz Mart: He’s back after…a quick break. Cashiers take breaks too, you know?

November 10- Back to normal: The game goes back to normal for this particular week! Be sure to check everything out before then; it won’t be back until next year!