THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Edition 62

SOURCE AND CURE FOR NEAP-1 FOUND

By: Porter

In a major and historic development, the source of Neapworm has been identified, as well as the cure for it.

After being invited to tag along in their investigation, the team led by Ophelia, Nate, M3-0W with local necromancer Almoral tagging along as well, the five of us correctly identified the source of the outbreak after speaking with several individuals in the dream world.

Initially, there was a theory that pumpkin pies coming from the Patch were at fault for the outbreak. It was thought that perhaps Cal’s own pumpkins were causing the disease, but that was quickly debunked after speaking with Apartments residents Epsilon and Dylan. The shift was then moved towards Samson’s pies- the same pies that were selling hot at the Patch and other various locations throughout the dream world. 

Ultimately, with the more leads and information that was being obtained, the theory that Samson’s pies were at fault was becoming more clear. It was then that information provided by acting leader of the DPF’s rescue operations team, Eliazar, that was the icing on the cake.

Eliazar had stated that Finnegan R. Vulpes, the leader of the rescue operations team who fell ill to Neapworm, had brought some of Samson’s pies to the workplace. However, all of the team members who had a bite of it fell ill to the parasite within days. This ultimately led to our team to conclude that Samson’s pies were at fault for Neapworm.

Neapworm response coordinator, Ophelia, then tested one of the pies in question and found out that all of the pies were laced with the egg that contained the parasite. The egg would hatch in a warm, moist environment such as the mouth, and then make itself go to the brain. The parasite would then feed off of “feel good” chemicals in the brain which led to people becoming angry and violent. The pies were also laced with heavy amounts of epinephrine, or adrenaline, which reinforced the anger chemicals in the brain and body of people infected, causing them to remain violent and aggressive. The parasite essentially took control of the brain leaving people in a “zombie” like state with no way to feel happy or good.

In a strange turn of events, Almoral, had unintentionally revealed the cure for Neapworm. He retold his encounter with a woman infected with NEAP-1 when he was going to the Patch to sell his own pumpkin pies to compete with Samson’s pies. However, the woman would become aggressive towards him, forcing him to throw one of his pies to her. The woman would eat it and then immediately begin to feel the reversed effects of NEAP-1. He said that the woman was no longer aggressive and didn’t look violent anymore.

According to Ophelia, who did tests on Almoral’s pies to see what was in it, the ingredients consisted of normal pumpkin pie ingredients, however, the pie also consisted of heavy amounts of  “feel good” chemicals that were added to it. These “feel good” chemicals were dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins; these chemicals are naturally produced by the brain to feel good and happy. Because these amounts were rather significant, it’s enough to reverse the effects of NEAP-1 and cause the parasite to become overwhelmed and perish upon receiving heavy amounts of these chemicals all at once.

When asked about his pies, Almoral said that it was obvious of the idea behind them.

“Well, uh, duh! Isn’t it obvious? If you want food to make you feel good, then you have to put ‘feel good’ things in it!” He says, “So with these pies, I decided to put all those things in it so others would really, really like it and feel good after eating them! See? And now they’re the cure! Hahaha!”

After identifying the source of the outbreak, Ophelia sent out a memo to shut down all locations in the dream world that were mysteriously distributing Samson’s pies, including the main epicentre that was the Patch dimension.

“I’ve asked the DDCP to shut down these weird satellite locations that were distributing these pies,” she states, “That includes the Patch, where the most pies were sold over the last month or so. We expect NEAP-1 to come to a halt once we begin to distribute the cure.”

The DDCP has already begun to distribute these special pumpkin pies to stop NEAP-1 once and for all. According to Ophelia, the shift of the investigation in the near term, is to find the culprit(s) behind this “sick” act.

“Trust me, we’re going to be looking for clues and suspects to try and find the sicko or sickos who tried to infect the dream world with a parasite. They have failed, thanks to our team of incredible people,” Ophelia says.

To read the entire report on the investigation, please feel free to read my story on the Subliminal Tribune’s website which details even more about the investigation!

CURE FOR NEAPWORM BEING MASS DISTRIBUTED BY DDCP

By: Oswald

Following the recent discovery of the source for NEAP-1 and cure for it, the DDCP has begun to mass distribute the special pumpkin pies across the dream world.

Local necromancer, Almoral, who is being credited for the pies, has agreed to hand over the recipe of his pumpkin pies which contain the antidote for NEAP-1. The recipe was sent to a DDCP laboratory where it then began to be mass produced. These pies are then kept in crates in a special refrigerator before being put in DDCP trucks that will go across the dream world to distribute them.

“Hehehe, it feels so strange to have saved the dream world from disaster!” Almoral says, “But you know, I can’t have all the credit! I want to credit Nate, M3-0W, Porter, and Ophelia too! They were the ones who also helped out! I think they also deserve credit!”

“I can’t believe it, but we did it! We found the source and cure!” Nate tells me, “Better days are ahead for the dream world! You’re toast, NEAP-1!”

Before mass distributing them, the DDCP tested them on infected individuals that had been kept in special facilities. These individuals had been put to sleep to avoid any incidents, but upon receiving the antidote, all infected NEAP-1 patients began to feel better within a minute or two. These patients are still being kept in these facilities recovering out of precaution, but the evidence is overwhelming to confirm that these special pies are the cure.

The pies themselves will begin to be distributed within the next few days and the DDCP expects that NEAP-1 cases will decline as the weeks go on. They now expect that by the end of November, NEAP-1 should be non-existent. 

“Of course, we’ll have to keep a sample of the tainted pies for studying and archival purposes in our special laboratories,” Ophelia says, “We have several diseases stored and locked up in very tight laboratories for studying and testing. NEAP-1 will join the likes of influenza, lovebug, and the common cold in those labs. Don’t worry, they’re all locked up pretty darn tight.”

In the meantime, the DDCP is still asking the public to remain tight while NEAP-1 is being contained and the cure is being distributed. The DPF will lift the lock-in from the America ward in the District within the next week or so, as well as other areas in the dream world soon. 

For information on NEAP-1 and the cure, you can visit the DDCP’s website for additional resources and assistance.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, how can humans enter the dream world?

By: Hugh Mann

Hey Hugh! That question is surely one that always baffles us creatures of the dream world, but not to worry! Let me break it down.

Getting into the dream world from the real world is not easy, just as it is getting from the dream world to the real world. There are certain moments in time that appear to be glitches or malfunctions in the matrix. Such glitches can cause certain humans to accidentally fall out of reality and end up here in the dream world. There are infamous expressions like “noclipping” that humans have dubbed for those who stumble in the dream world. For a human, this can be quite scary! One day you’re walking to work and suddenly you fall down into the ground and poof! You’re in some weird dimension! Strangely, no one can really explain these glitches.

Another way humans fall into the dream world is by finding portals to it. I’m not too smart in this subject, but from what I’ve heard, there are strange vortexes in the real world that can actually take humans in them and make them come to the dream world in an instant. These strange vortexes could be some sort of strange magic, but magic only exists in the dream world, unless it somehow got out? 

In the easiest way that humans access this world, that is an often occurrence, is by sleeping! Yes, everyone dreams. Humans can subconsciously access the dream world, if they manage by luck, to dream of a memory they had before. Most dreams are quite personal, so they may not successfully reach our world. Sometimes, a dream might be recalled enough by other sleepy humans to make them manifest themselves into a dimension here. From there, humans get fuzzy feelings of nostalgia, encounter entities- sometimes scary ones which they might describe as nightmares! - and venture around in a world that may not make sense to them, but makes sense to us. And of course, they leave when they wake up in the real world!

To be clear, not all humans make it back to the real world. I’ve heard stories of humans going missing in the real world and never reappearing. Well, you should consider the fact that they just may be trapped in this world by accident! Getting humans back to the real world is hard, especially since they would need to seek the Council and get approval, but to do that, you need permission from the DPF, and it is quite tough to reach the Council. Then again, you could try speaking with someone in the dream world who would know about opening portals to the real world, even though it’s highly dangerous and prohibited, but there’s not many who can anyway.

I hope this answers your question!

Dear Nate, I recently got an artifact but don’t know where to use it. Can you help me?

By: Arthur Faxx

Hello Arthur! It’s very lucky that you got an artifact! It can be confusing to know what to do with it, so let me explain it for you.

Recently, a secret room in the Backrooms was opened up that allows artifact havers to visit seasonal dimensions that, while closed to the public, can be accessed if you own an artifact for it. We learned that artifacts give the owner the memories of said dimension, so you’ll be able to visit whatever dimension it offers access to.

In this room, the seasonal room, there are 12 portals. Each portal is given a name, depending onthe month it relates to. Portal #1 would be January, Portal #6 would be June, Portal #12 would be December...you get the idea! Artifacts are also often related to the month it would go to. The Clover artifact would give you access to Portal #3, the Sun artifact would give you access to Portal #6, the Pumpkin artifact gives you access to Portal #9. You kind of just have to make a well educated guess as to what section of the seasonal room the artifact would go under, but it is usually quite obvious.

The seasonal room might be hard to find in the Backrooms, but there are markings on the wall that reveals a room behind it. They are faint markings, but just jump in, and you’ll be in! I hope this answered your question and more!

Upcoming Events:

Now- Sid returns to Biz Mart: He’s been looking forward to being back at the Mart!

Now- Party dimension expanded: You know that one liminal space party picture? You know, THAT one? Yes, it’s in the game now!

November 10- Back to normal: Be sure to check everything out before it all goes back to normal next week! Don’t be one of those people who forgets to check at the last minute!

November 17- September 2022 archived: The Rewind room gets another new addition of an archived event of the game!