THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Edition 68

DREAM WORLD GETS FESTIVE AS POLE AVOIDS ANSWERS

By: Porter

Dimensions across the dream world have officially been decorated for the holiday season as of this week. However, rumours of an ever-growing naughty list are making many nervous and anxious, causing many doubts about whether or not Santa will even be visiting the dream world this year.

Another leak obtained by the Tribune from an anonymous worker at the Pole claims that an estimated 50 percent of the dream world is currently marked as “bad” on the infamous List.

Due to strict policy, Rainier- the secretary of Christmas Affairs- is not allowed to disclose whether or not an individual has been marked as good or bad. Because of this, many are beginning to slowly accept the fact that they may not get any presents from the man himself this year, even if they believe they have been good this year.

“I’m not sure if I’m in that 50 percent of people that have been marked as bad,” a local artist tells me, “It’s a coin flip, but maybe Santa isn’t coming this year. That’s such a bummer.”

“You mean to tell me that it may be a year without Santa Claus?” a local garbage man says, “That’s awful. It can’t be Christmas if there’s no Santa out on his sleigh!”

“A lot of people who have been stopping by the Cafe have been pessimistic about the upcoming holiday,” Artisan, a barista at the Cafe tells me, “Many are becoming nervous of having a Santa-less holiday and even more if they’re on the naughty list. I’ve never felt this much uncertainty and negativity in the air. Not even the lights and decorations seem to be doing much…”

Rainier has seemed to dance around the rumours and not answered any questions regarding them. The only announcement from the secretary is that he has begun allowing a limited number of visitors to the Pole HQ. However, Rainier’s office is currently not accepting visitors due to “an overwhelming amount of activity” causing him to be busy with other matters.

The identity of the Pole HQ leaker is anonymous, but if the information being shared is true, the current trends suggest that a huge majority, or perhaps everyone in the dream world, may not be getting a visit from Santa this year. Stay tuned to the Tribune for the latest information.

EXPLORING THE HOLIDAY SEASON IN THE DREAM WORLD

By: DGTA

Greetings avid readers! The Dimension Guided Tour Association writes in this week’s paper about the holiday season now in full swing! Looking for where to go? Well don’t worry- we got you covered! Below is a list of some dimensions you may want to check out this December…

Apartments: The Apartments have decorated their courtyard and made it a temporary mini ice rink! Feel free to stop by and skate on the ice, but watch out for children!

Cinema: The Cinema is screening holiday films through the end of the year! Rudolph? The Grinch? The Polar Express? Yup, and more classics, of course.

Cafe: The Cafe is serving hot cocoa with gingerbread treats this season. Of course, you can still ask for coffee or tea, but isn’t hot cocoa better? We think so!

Gallery: The Gallery has a limited time Christmas exposition on display through the end of the year. Feel free to admire the holiday art before it’s gone!

Club: Brrr, it’s chilly here! Come chill (pun intended!) out and show off some sick icy (pun again!) moves! The Club is a winter wonderland and we love when it snows!

Portables: This year, the Portables seem to almost look like a mini Christmas town of some sort. Granted, they’ll never be the Pole, but it’s very nice here!

Gingerbread: Yummy, this dimension returns and it’s just as edible as ever. I wouldn’t touch the house, though. You never know who lives inside…

Fireplace: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…this dimension is just what it’s called. Take a seat by the fire and sip your hot cocoa. Everything will be alright.

Backrooms: The infamous Backrooms look a little festive this time of year. Red lights and walls, green carpet…it feels…a bit magical, but it still keeps its creepy touch to it.

Q/A: Ask Rainier

Dear Rainier, what exactly is the Pole?

By: Nor T.

Hello Nor! The Pole is basically where the man himself, Santa Claus, resides while living in the dream world! The Pole is basically where Santa and all of his workers chose to relocate to from the real world since well, human society has been changing in modern times. It’s also a village of around 1,600 residents that call it home located on an island surrounded by icy waters. You can get to the Pole through various means, but I recommend it by train! While the Pole is tagged as a “seasonal” dimension, we’re pretty much always here for visitors and tourists year-round. That being said, the HQ itself is usually reserved for appointments (which are limited right now) so be sure to call ahead if you need any holiday assistance!

Dear Rainier, what is your favorite food?

By: Snah K.

Hello Snah! I really like candy canes and baby carrots. Although, really any dish with carrots is really good! There are a lot of people who don’t like carrots, but I love them!

Dear Rainier, what’s the least favorite thing about your job?

By: Ettie Sux

Hi Ettie! There are a lot of things for me to handle as part of this job, but I don’t like taking phone calls… I’ll be honest, I’m fine with wrapping gifts, keeping track of records, managing postal material, taking care of the reindeer, handling the sleigh, and other things, but taking phone calls is exhausting. I’d rather deal with people in person than on the phone!

Dear Rainier, what’s your favorite Christmas movie?

By: Fillmore M.

Hello Fillmore! My favorite Christmas movie of all time is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! The film is from 1964 so I did manage to watch it when it managed to get into the dream world a few years after that. It’s a very classic movie I think everyone should watch at least once!

Dear Rainier, does the DPF have any authority over the Pole?

By: Po Leece

Hi Po! The Dimension Protection Force is known to look out for all dimensions and corners of the dream world, but the Pole is a little different. We have our own jurisdiction which means that the DPF cannot necessarily issue orders for us, but neither can the Council. It’s part of an agreement when Santa moved his operations into the dream world, so the only orders anyone follows around here are either the ones issued by the big man himself, or more commonly, the ones issued by me!

Dear Rainier, hot chocolate or tea?

By: Bev R. Agee

Hello Bev! I prefer hot chocolate, but tea is fine. I just like hot chocolate more since it makes more sense if we’re talking about the holiday season.

Dear Rainier,  how long have you been the Secretary of Christmas Affairs for?

By: Ellie Lect 

Hi Ellie! The post for this job is always done by a vote. I was sworn into this post about 30 years ago! I’m only the third to have this particular post, and it’s a lifetime job, unless I consider stepping down or I get fired…but the other two previous secretaries stepped down, and I don’t have plans on doing that anytime soon! 

Dear Rainier,  are you always on the good list?

By: Samson E.

Hi Samson! Yes, although it feels redundant to even be on the List. Everyone in the Pole is on the good list year-round because the dimension has a magical barrier that keeps out any negative or bad energy from reaching us. Everyone who lives here is very nice and jolly even, so we always get our share of presents. That being said, it kind of feels like we shouldn’t be counted since we practically live here, but hey at least we’re on the List.

Dear Rainier, could the Christmas spirit ever be corrupted?

By: Kor Rupt

Hello Kor! I don’t think about that possibility much because there’s just always been more good than bad in the dream world, so the Christmas spirit itself wouldn’t go crazy bananas. However, that’s not to say it can’t ever happen. I’m just not sure of a scenario where all the nice people turn bad, except perhaps during Neapworm two months ago- but that’s all over with. Still, having to imagine a Christmas where the spirit is corrupted, everyone is bad, and Santa won’t be visiting the dream world at all is very scary. I hope we don’t ever see that…

Upcoming Events:

Now- Holiday Party 2022: The lights, the snow, the fireplace crackling…oh it all seems like a dream- a sweet dream to be exact. If only we weren’t on the naughty list…

Now- Almoral’s mansion opens up: It’s Christmas time at Almoral’s residence again. Why not pay this necromancer a visit? He might need company!

December 22- New story quest: Follow Epsilon and Dylan as they join Rainier and two other familiar faces as they try to reverse the negative effects of the Christmas spirit! 

December 29- New Year’s Party 2022: Tell me this, 2022 was long, but what was YOUR favorite event this year? Was it the weirdness of the Box dimension? The snow-in from January? Visiting Wonderland? Being in the middle of a “zombie” outbreak? Please, do tell!

December 29- Lucid’s birthday party: I wouldn’t call this a party, per se, but he would like to share some more words with you on his birthday, which is the last day of the year.