THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, December 22, 2022
** SPECIAL EDITION **
Edition 69
CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED, SANTA NOT COMING TO TOWN
By: Porter
It’s official: Santa Claus is not coming to town.
In an extremely dramatic and shocking revelation, the Tribune obtained another leak from the Pole HQ that revealed that every single person in the general public of the dream world has been marked as naughty. This essentially confirms that the holiday is cancelled, as Santa himself will not be visiting the dream world.
From what is known, those living in the Pole are always marked as good. Rainier, secretary of Christmas Affairs, explains that the Pole is protected by a magical force field that makes it immune to any negative energy that can affect them. This means that any negativity that’s in the air out in the open dream world can’t make it inside the Pole.
This also means that it’s likely the dream world has been drained of positive energy in the air that has corrupted the Christmas spirit. With no positive energy, it means that everyone exposed to that negative air gets automatically marked as naughty, and as we know, being marked as naughty means no Santa which means no gifts.
Since the leak was revealed, any response from the Pole HQ has been nonexistent. The Tribune has reached out to Rainier, but has received no comment thus far. The Tribune also reached out to other offices in the Pole HQ, but they too have not responded to any comment.
The Tribune reached out to the DPF and asked if they received any tips within the last week regarding anything suspicious that could explain the unprecedented naughty ruling affecting everyone, but a spokesperson says that there really isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
“We haven’t received any reports or tips of suspicious activity,” a spokesperson says, “If someone out there deliberately did something, it must have gone under the radar.”
Dream world residents have reacted negatively to the news of a blue Christmas.
“Hmm, so Christmas is cancelled? That’s never happened before! How are we supposed to react? What are we supposed to do? It’s so…unfair,” a local polar bear says.
“A year without a Santa Claus…it feels like this is all a bad dream, but it’s true. What did we do to get marked as bad?” a local star person says.
“The Christmas spirit is down and the mood in the dream world is blue,” a local artist tells me, “If you ask me, everyone doesn’t really know what to do now. Heck, even I have lost inspiration for my art this week.”
“I just don’t know why Rainier hasn’t said a thing about this,” Sylveran, local bounty hunter tells me, “You’d think the head of Christmas just below Santa himself would have said something, but no. Tch, whoever ruined Christmas for the rest of us will pay.”
Normally at this point, I’d wish all of our readers- on behalf of the Subliminal Tribune- a splendid and joyous holiday, but considering what’s at hand, there is not a lot of spirit in the air. Still, we hope you take the time to try and find some joy these next few days and hope your holiday is safe.
POSTAL SERVICE GETS HELP FROM POLE AGAIN
By: Arial
The Dimension Postal Delivery Service is getting help once again from the Pole to deliver postal material.
Last year, it was announced that the DPDS and Pole reached an agreement that allowed the postal service to get help from workers at the Pole to deliver holiday letters, postcards, packages, etc. to their destinations on time. This year, the agreement continues.
DPDS Chief Kaige announced the deal once again earlier this week. Although a bit later than last year’s announcement, the two sides stick true to their word to help each other out.
“We highly appreciate that the Pole is willing to help us out with delivering any holiday postal material this year, considering many people use our services during this time of year,” Chief Kaige states, “This allows the DPDS to speed up delivery times to help ensure letters, postcards, packages, or other postal material get to their destinations on time before December 25.”
The DPDS will cease operations on December 25, however, they will still allow postal material in on December 24, but it may not arrive on time for Christmas.
“Today is essentially the last day to ensure, one hundred percent, that any deliveries get to their destinations before December 25. You are still able to mail in material after tomorrow, but there are no promises it arrives before Christmas Day. Even on Christmas Eve, we will have a limited amount of workers- including Pole workers- helping out, so please get those last-minute deliveries ASAP,” Chief Kaige states.
According to data from the DPDS, about 283,600 letters and packages have been processed within the last three weeks that were labeled as “holiday” material. That’s about the same as last year during this time, though a little higher. The DPDS estimates another 3,000 “holiday” labeled materials to be processed between now and Christmas Eve.
“We are very fortunate and glad to have a healthy relationship with the Pole, which some considered to be competitive,” Chief Kaige explains, “But we can assure everyone that even if Christmas is cancelled, our services remain up and running, so while Santa may not be delivering gifts, the DPDS is still delivering gifts from the public.”
For more information about the postal service this holiday season or to view tracking of postal material you’ve sent or are receiving, please visit the DPDS’ website for additional resources or visit your nearest DPDS post office for assistance.
Q/A: Ask Rainier
Dear Rainier, can anyone work in the Pole?
By: Lukin Forjob
Hi Lukin! Yes, anyone is eligible to work here at the Pole, if they have never committed a crime before. Training can take a while though. You’ll have to be trained efficiently to get whatever position is open, and sometimes it includes being able to wrap gifts in a certain amount of time, working with reindeer, learning how to use magic properly, gathering intel accurately, keeping track of files, being organized…the list goes on. So while anyone can apply if a position is open, you may not pass the first time, but you’re welcome to keep trying and applying!
Dear Rainier, what’s your favorite Christmas song?
By: Carrol Singers
Hello Carrol! There are so many songs to choose from! I would say my personal favorite is Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” and he is a very great artist!
Dear Rainier, how old do you think you’ll be?
By: Eva Lastings
Hi Eva! Well, I was made from pure magic, so that means I’ll live on forever! Yes, I’m immortal. There’s nothing that can really take me down, but I’ll get to spread joy and happiness for eons!
Dear Rainier, what does Santa do when it’s not Christmas time?
By: Layla Zenus
Hello Layla! Santa is always up to something, believe it or not. During the offseason period, he is often seen around the Pole making sure things are going well, or he is out in disguise in the dream world meeting new and familiar people while also keeping track of others’ behavior. Again, be nice to everyone you meet…you never know who it could be!
Dear Rainier, can animals get presents too?
By: Kay Nine
Hi Kay! Animals is a broad term, but if you’re talking about pets, then yes they can. Funny enough, pets are excluded from “The List” unlike everyone else. We want our companions to feel special!
Dear Rainier, can you talk to the reindeer?
By: Ganyu Speek
Hi Ganyu! Yes, I can. Being part reindeer allows me to speak to Santa’s reindeer, or any deer really, with ease. This comes in handy when they need something but no one else knows what they want. They tell me secrets too…
Dear Rainier, what do naughty people end up getting anyway?
By: Ivy Bin Badd
Hello Ivy! As you know, good people receive their Christmas wishes for the year, or at least the more acceptable wishes. Those who end up on the bad side of the list are still given something, though, but it’s not coal! They are instead given a note explaining that they are not receiving anything this year, reasoning as to why, and some advice for next year.
Dear Rainier, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re not busy?
By: Bray K.
Hi Bray! Tending to Santa’s reindeer in the stables is always a fun thing to do. Getting to feed them is a lot of fun, and they’re all so nice to me too! I don’t have favorites, so don’t assume anything!
Dear Rainier, what’s the solution to get everyone off of the naughty list?
By: Sal U. Shunn
Hello Sal! Tsk tsk, you know, I wish it was as easy as telling you the answer- but that would be no fun! Actually, I could tell you, but then it would defeat the purpose of the whole solution. I get that everyone being on the naughty list right now is not a good look, but that amount of people on the naughty list would require a lot of energy from me to undo everything, and I’m just a little reindeer person! The answer would require quite literally an effort from everyone in the dream world, though I’m not sure if we could go to that extent of saving the holiday season in the dream world. I have hope though, and that’s the main thing everyone needs right now. I promise that things will be fine! You just need to have hope and…believe, of course.
Upcoming Events:
Now- New story quest: The quest is on to save Christmas in the dream world! As the negative energy gets drained, everyone has been marked as naughty! There’s one solution to this, but Rainier won’t say… Help him out as we get joined by Epsilon, Dylan, Finnegan and Sylveran on a Christmas Eve adventure that will be a tale to tell!
Now- lucid’s demise returns: It’s always certainly something reliving Lucid getting cursed time and time again, and this is one of those times again.
December 29- New Year’s Party 2022: The dream world got pretty weird in 2022, but let’s put that aside and celebrate the new year ahead!
December 29- Lucid’s birthday party: Lucid’s age is currently lost, but he’s around 5,500 years old. It’s say to safe we can add one more year to that this year.