THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Edition 120

POLE CREWS HELP DECORATE DREAM WORLD FOR HOLIDAY SEASON

By: Porter

With a lot of time on their hands, crews from the Pole have been dispersed throughout the dream world this week to help decorate dimensions for the upcoming holiday season.

As low enthusiasm for Christmas persists across much of the dream world, many residents have not been decorating for the holidays as they normally should have by this point. Because of this, there haven’t been many visitors to the Pole HQ when compared to other years. This means that many workers at the Pole HQ, who tend to holiday assistance related matters, were dispatched to help decorate the dream world.

Rainier, the Secretary of Christmas Affairs, sent out this order earlier this week and reiterated that the Pole is virtually now a “walk-in” for anyone to come visit, without an appointment.

“Wait times are non-existent,” Rainier says, “Just walk in and we’ll be so glad to assist you! Please visit!”

Many dimensions around the dream world are lit up with multi-colored lights, decorations, and other holiday goodies as Pole crews helped to decorate much of the rural dream world. Pole crews even managed to decorate dimensions that are not normally known to be decorated for Christmas.

“Our crews reached as many dimensions as they could with whatever equipment and resources they had,” Rainier explains, “Even dimensions that are not normally known to be decorated for Christmas have been given a touch or two! I think we did a pretty good job, despite all odds!”

Some dimensions decorated by Pole crews include the Section, the Window, the Future, the Hills, the Parlor, the Castle, among others. Some dimensions were already seen with decorations and didn’t need help from Pole workers such as the Cafe.

“Yeah we’re doing just fine here,” Artisan of the Cafe says, “We decorated the place up like any other year. We still have that Christmas spirit in us, so we didn’t need help from the Pole to decorate.”

Rainier says that he is still figuring out what exactly drained the Christmas spirit across the dream world, but says he might have a solution soon.

“Still not sure just what caused people to not have enthusiasm for Christmas, but I have an idea of what to do…” the secretary says, “I’ll have to get in contact with the DPF and then we’ll see from there…”

Pole wait times are non-existent. If you are looking for holiday related assistance, you can visit the Pole HQ on a walk-in basis to get assistance as Christmas approaches.

RUMORS OF POSSIBLE DISEASE SPREADING SHUT DOWN BY DDCP

By: Roman

Ongoing rumors of a possible disease spreading through the dream world have been making the rounds in the past week on social media and by word of mouth through dream world residents.

According to the rumor, there is speculation that another possible illness is circulating through the dream world that is causing people to lose their Christmas spirit and contributing to low enthusiasm for the holiday. With this rumor, many have sent questions to the health department if it is true.

However, earlier this week, the Dimension Disease Control and Protection agency announced that they are not tracking any disease in the dream world, nor are they aware of any possible outbreaks linked to one.

“We understand people are still frightened over the last outbreak in the dream world that almost ruined Halloween in 2022,” DDCP Chief Ophelia says, “With the public spreading this rumor, I am here to shut it down and say that it is false. The DDCP is not aware of, nor tracking any emerging disease that may be spreading in the dream world.”

The DDCP has not received any unique tips about anyone falling ill to a potentially new disease within the past month or so. There are sporadic cases of seasonal illnesses, but these are not new nor a cause of concern. Even if there is a disease currently spreading, there haven’t been any tips or cases to verify that claim.

“Diseases will show up in at least one patient that develops symptoms,” Ophelia explains, “Yes, there are illnesses out there right now that have infected individuals, but these are just seasonal illnesses. As for a new illness, we just haven’t seen anything. If there is a disease spreading, it’s going under the radar.”

The chief of the DDCP goes on to say that a disease linked to low Christmas spirit is strange, but it has the marks of a biological weapon similar to that of NEAP-1.

“Weird diseases with weird effects typically smell and act like biological weapons, like NEAP-1,” she says, “If someone made a disease to just suck the Christmas spirit out of a person, then it is not a natural disease, but a lab-made one.”

Chief Ophelia says that if that’s the case, she already has an idea of who’s behind it.

“Not to point fingers or anything without evidence, but Francis pulled off NEAP-1 right under our noses and almost caused an epidemic,” she explains, “He has the capability to create and propagate diseases like this, so if he really did create another disease, it may be going under the radar, but it also doesn’t appear to be dangerous. A disease that simply drains the Holiday Spirit from you with no other side effects is strange, but it is still illegal to do that. Again, we don’t have evidence to suggest this, but the facts now are: No, there is no disease currently spreading in the dream world.”

For the latest news from the DDCP, you can visit their website for resources and up to date information about all diseases. You can also follow them for the latest information of any emerging disease that is detected in the dream world.

Q/A: Ask Rainier

Dear Rainier, when does gift production begin?

By: Prisen T.

Hello Prisen! Our busiest times begin in mid-November running through Christmas Eve. We begin gift production in early November as we start getting closer to December! Our special production workers get to work to start assembling various knick-knacks and gifts of all kinds that those on the nice side of the List would like to get for Christmas! The gifts are then sent to a special warehouse where they are organized by category until mid-November when our wrap workers pick it up in the Wrapping Hall. Once they are wrapped, they are sent to another special warehouse where they await to be put in Santa’s sleigh! This typically begins in mid-December as workers finish producing and wrapping the final gifts. Gifts can still be produced last minute, even on Christmas Eve! Though by then, it’s typically involving magic as it’s last minute.

Dear Rainier, does the DPF have any authority over the Pole?

By: Po Leece

Hi Po! The Dimension Protection Force is known to look out for all dimensions and corners of the dream world, but the Pole is a little different. We have our own jurisdiction which means that the DPF cannot necessarily issue orders for us, but neither can the Council. It’s part of an agreement when Santa moved his operations into the dream world, so the only orders anyone follows around here are either the ones issued by the big man himself, or more commonly, the ones issued by me!

Dear Rainier, does the Pole have its own businesses?

By: Biz Ness

Hello Biz! The Pole does indeed have its own businesses! While we specialize in bigger operations at the Pole HQ, the rest of the Pole is like a big, cozy village with homes and other small businesses like restaurants, bakeries, cafes, among other things. The Pole is essentially like a small city-state with its own people and established businesses. We’re open year-round for visitors!

Dear Rainier, what do naughty people end up getting anyway?
By: Ivy Bin Badd

Hello Ivy! As you know, good people receive their Christmas wishes for the year, or at least the more acceptable wishes. Those who end up on the bad side of the list are still given something, though, but it’s not coal! They are instead given a note explaining that they are not receiving anything this year, reasoning as to why, and some advice for next year.

Dear Rainier, what exactly is the Pole?

By: Nor P.

Hello Nor! The Pole is basically where the man himself, Santa Claus, resides while living in the dream world! The Pole is basically where Santa and all of his workers chose to relocate to from the real world since well, human society has been changing in modern times. It’s also a village of around 1,600 residents that call it home located on an island surrounded by icy waters. You can get to the Pole through various means, but I recommend it by train! While the Pole is tagged as a “seasonal” dimension, we’re pretty much always here for visitors and tourists year-round. That being said, the HQ itself is usually reserved for appointments, but considering ongoing events, you can honestly just walk in at this point!

Dear Rainier, what’s draining the Christmas spirit this year?

By: Don T. Felikit

Hello Don! That’s a mystery that I’m also trying to figure out. No one here at the Pole knows exactly what’s going on for there to be such low enthusiasm for Christmas this year. It could be something in the air draining it- perhaps a manipulation of some sorts, or something else at play. I’ve tried to investigate myself, but I could only go so far. This means that I’m going to have to resort to the professionals for this! Luckily, I have good connections to certain people at the DPF to come and help out. Plus, I have an interesting little plan that might seem ridiculous, but I know it’ll work! I just have to get in contact with a certain angel or two…

Upcoming Events:

Now- Holiday Party 2023: The dream world might not be up for Christmas, but the Pole did a good job decorating it for the holiday season! So many lights and decorations to see, and of course, the Northern Lights are back! 

Now- That’s the Holiday Spirit rerun: Last year, everyone ended up on the naughty list and we had to figure out a way to reverse that before it was too late! Go back in time and revisit that quest to see just how things were fixed. Spoiler: It didn’t involve magic!

December 21- Joy to the World: Rainier has an idea for how to reverse the low enthusiasm for Christmas that’s affecting much of the dream world. He just has to call up a few familiar faces and get a plan going. I wonder what he’s thinking?

December 28- New Year’s Party 2023: How is it almost the end of the year again? What exactly did we even do this year? I guess we’ll find out together!