THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, December 7, 2023

Edition 119

POLE REVEALS LOW ENTHUSIASM FOR HOLIDAYS LINKED TO SLOW START

By: Porter

The Pole dimension has figured out and revealed the cause for a very unusual slow start to the holiday season.

According to Rainier, the Secretary of Christmas Affairs, a quick investigation was conducted to determine why business at the Pole had been remarkably slow when compared to other years. It turns out that low enthusiasm is to blame.

The Pole has a special metre that measures the amount of holiday spirit that is in the air within the dream world. Around the holiday season, the needle on the metre is typically moved to the right- indicating high holiday spirit. This year, however, the needle is less than the halfway mark meaning that there is low holiday spirit this year.

"Well looks like we found our problem and this isn't good!" Rainier says, "The needle shouldn't be this low for this time of year. I'd understand if it was April or August, but December? No way!" 

When asked if that means Christmas is cancelled, Rainier shook his head.

"No no, this doesn't mean Christmas is cancelled," he explains, "Unlike last year, the List is untouched and looks fine. Christmas proceeds as normal at the Pole, however, it looks like the dream world just isn't into Christmas this year. That's not good!"

Rainier says this is very unusual, but he has a funny feeling about who's behind it.

"No doubt in my mind that Francis is behind this again," he says, "He's already on the bad side of the List! What else can he gain for draining the holiday spirit!"

Residents around the dream world don't seem too excited about Christmas, further proving that there is low enthusiasm.

"Christmas is alright, I guess, but I don't know. Not feeling it this year," said one bystander.

"I think it's overrated. Lots of lights, snow…nothing interesting," said another bystander.

"Christmas might go on, but I don't really wanna put up my tree this year. Not that I'm lazy, but ehh," said another.

"My goodness, why is everyone so down?! Don't they know it's almost Christmas?" Telly of the TV dimension said to me, "Come on now, there must be a solution to this!"

"It is definitely strange that I'm not really feeling Christmas this year," famed bounty hunter Sylveran told me, "Maybe it's my age. I don't know…"

Rainier says that this situation will require additional assistance.

"As much as I'd love to, but I can't just wave my staff and reverse the effects on such a huge scale!" he explained, "The DPF will need to help us out! I just need to think of a plan and who to call…"

Rainier is expected to come up with a solution soon. Anyone looking to book an appointment at the Pole should know that wait times are so low that you can just walk in at this point without an appointment.

SNOW AND ICE TAKE OVER THE DREAM WORLD

By: Arial

Winter is making itself known in the dream world as dimensions get snowy and icy!

Last Friday, winter officially entered the dream world. The weather service called for an "Above Average" winter which led to many being anxious about what's to come. Still, the season was met with delight for many who longed to see snow across the dream world once more.

A grand majority of dimensions have swapped out their green vegetation and trees for a more white appearance as dimensions drop below the freezing mark. Whether snow, ice, or frost, it looks like a winter wonderland out there!

"This is amazing! Winter brings out the snow for us to play in! Yippie!" said one local child.

"It's a marvelous sight to see. I longed to see days like these once more," said a local restaurant owner.

"Brrr, it's chilly out now. It's hoodie season!" said an Academy student.

"It's like that song says: 'Do you wanna build a snow skull?!' It's awesome! I can build cool sculptures of skulls made of snow! I bet YOU can't do that!" a local necromancer told me.

With the dream world getting colder, it's still too early to tell what winter will really bring. Cirrus at the DWPS says that winter usually starts off fairly normal, but the most activity comes in January.

"Regardless of the forecast for the winter season, January is when we see peak measurements of snow and cold temperatures," she explained, "It's similar to how temperatures peak in July for the summer season. Seasons don't start off strong immediately. They gradually get there."

Cirrus says that the snowy landscape will likely persist through January and into early February. While not sure how January will play out, she says it's always a good time to be prepared for what could come.

"Our forecast is simply that: a forecast. It doesn't necessarily mean it will be a complete whiteout this year like in 2022," she explained, "We do hope winter is not excessively strong this year, but we have to take into account external anomalies…and I think you know who I mean by that."

While that may be menacing, the chief meteorologist at the DWPS says to relax and just take it easy for now.

"It's the holiday season! Just get out there and enjoy the snow. You just never know if things will get too rough out there for you to enjoy it…"

For your local forecasts or other weather related information, visit the DWPS website or your local forecasting office.

Q/A: Ask Lucid

Dear Lucid, can you use your powers in the real world?

By: Zupa Mann

Hello Zupa. Yes, I can. Just as I can use my powers in the dream world, I can also use my powers in the real world. When in the real world, however, it is important that I do not expose my powers in front of humans. That is very dangerous and has led to problems for other dream worldian residents who venture their way to the real world. 

Though, I rarely use my powers in the real world and it is mainly small insignificant things. I suppose one of my biggest uses of power came in 1984. Just check out the election map of the United States that year…you will see.

Dear Lucid, is sleep paralysis linked to dream demons?

By: Canny T. Muve 

Greetings Canny. Sleep paralysis is an event that occurs most often in humans in the real world. Humans have told many different and often frightening stories about a sleep paralysis episode. To be truthfully honest, sleep paralysis is indeed linked to dream demons.

While illegal, there are still demons who venture into the real world to cause havoc upon innocent mortals. Dream demons in particular are notorious for causing a wide range of sleep related incidents, including sleep paralysis. The duration and intensity of an episode depends on the strength of the dream demon. I have never caused an episode of sleep paralysis on anyone, but I am fully capable of doing so.

Dear Lucid, how can you see with a blindfold on?

By: Batt Lyke

Greetings Batt. The blindfold is no longer a problem for me to deal with. My horns are capable of emitting a sonar frequently that allows me to guide myself even with a blindfold on. Think of it like a bat using sonar. This allows me to navigate safely, even in the dark.

Dear Lucid, what's another branch of the DPF you would've loved to join?

By: Otto Ting

Hello Otto. I was a part of the DPU and DIA for many years, but if there was a branch I would have loved to join, it may have been the ROTU. I think getting the opportunity to save dream world residents in emergency situations would have been a nice job to do. I never got around to the recruitment process nor placed there, but I do remember then ROTU leader Khyro speaking well of me and how I could easily fit in.

Dear Lucid, are you secretly a living encyclopedia?

By: Noett Oll

Greetings Noett. Many have said similar things when speaking to me. It is true that I know a lot of things that others do not. You can ask me just about any question and I will provide a full in-depth answer and explanation without breaking a sweat. That being said, I am not secretly a living, breaking encyclopedia book. I am indeed a living person who just happens to know more than meets the eye.

Dear Lucid, is there anything you want for Christmas this year?

By: Noel S. 

Hello Noel. As I say each year whenever this question is asked, I simply wish for things to go back to normal. It is exhausting having to run from the law and to have a day where I do not have to worry anymore would be rather incredible. Of course, criminals are automatically unable to receive gifts from the man at the Pole himself, but I do wish that one day things go back to normal. Many may dream of a white Christmas, but I dream of a safe Christmas: one where I am no longer seen as a villain, but as a regular resident of the dream world. Someday at Christmas…

Upcoming Events:

Now- Holiday Party 2023 construction: Lots of snow and ice out there and look at those skies! Dusk skies preluding the jolliest party ever!

Now- Pole dimension returns: There's not a lot of activity at the Pole this year. You might wanna check on Rainier in his office!

Now- Beach dimension returns: The urge to type song lyrics for this particular event…

December 14- Holiday Party 2023: The jolliest party of the year looks kind of…quiet. Where's your Christmas spirit? Get up!!

December 21- Next story quest: Christmas isn't cancelled, but the dream world isn't really feeling it this year! Join Rainier, Ophelia, Sylveran, and other familiar faces on an adventure to get the dream world back in the holiday spirit!