THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, December 21, 2023
Edition 121
CHRISTMAS TO GO ON AS PLANNED DESPITE LOW ENTHUSIASM
By: Porter
The Pole dimension has declared that Christmas will go on as planned despite there being ongoing low enthusiasm for the holiday.
According to Rainier, Christmas is not cancelled this year in large contrast to the events of last year. If you recall, everyone in the dream world ended up on the naughty list which effectively cancelled Christmas until the very last minute or so. This year, the List that accounts for everyone in the dream world and whether they’ve been good or bad this year, is perfectly fine. Rainier stated that the List is untouched, but people in the dream world have low Christmas spirit.
With low Christmas spirit, business at the Pole has been slower compared to most years. Many workers at the Pole have resorted to help out with wrapping presents and preparing Santa’s sleigh for take-off by Christmas Eve. As December 24th approaches, many are hard at work, even if the circumstances are bleak.
“Yeah, we’re still here wrapping gifts on the assembly line even if the dream world doesn’t want gifts this year,” a worker tells me, “It’s not like they’re being humble. They just don’t care about Christmas this year, but we still have to work, y’know?”
“It’s a shame a lot of people have been good this year but don’t really care about the holiday,” another worker tells me, “I still think they deserve gifts, even if they don’t care.”
Rainier has been hinting at a secret plan to reverse the effects on people, but this plan is still unknown. Pole sources are saying that Rainier is planning on assembling a team to help him out on this issue, and it involves the DPF as well.
“Well I can’t do everything myself!” Rainier explains, “Sometimes we must resort to the DPF for assistance. I’ve rung up a few important people there for assistance and things are going smoothly!”
When asked if things will be resolved by Christmas Day, Rainier says they’ll be resolved even before Christmas Eve.
“Trust me, things are going to be fine! I’m even confident that things will be better before Christmas Eve! Santa’s sleigh is going to take off with everyone feeling that Christmas spirit! I’ve never been more confident!” the secretary says, “So to everyone out there, just wait and see! Christmas will be saved once more!”
Rainier is expected to go on with his plan by tomorrow. The Pole HQ remains open for walk-ins up until late Christmas Eve before Santa’s sleigh takes off on midnight December 25th. To all of our readers, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
DIMENSION SIGHTSEEING FOR THE HOLIDAYS
By: DGTA
Hello Tribune readers! We are the Dimension Guided Tour Association! We are an organization that gives out tours across the dream world! For this particular article, we are here on a jolly note! While most of us may not be feeling that Christmas spirit this year, the Pole took it upon themselves to decorate a lot of dimensions out there for the holidays!
With that in mind, it’s still a few days before Christmas. Whether you’re out looking for a last minute gift, trip or looking for something interesting to do, we’ve laid out a few dimensions for you to check out before Christmas Day. Here’s some of our picks of where to visit!
The Cafe: What better place to start off our list than the Cafe! Known for its cozy atmosphere, the Cafe is selling hot cocoa, hot chocolate, and delicious pastries and other goodies for the holiday season. Feel free to stop by and grab yourself a croissant with some hot cocoa!
The Mall: Looking for that last minute gift? The businesses at the Mall are still open through Christmas Eve in case you still need a gift to buy for that special someone in your life! Be aware that store hours may differ from one another, so be sure to plan ahead before going!
The Gallery: If you’re into art, the Gallery is hosting its annual Christmas themed exhibit! Their holiday themed exhibit runs from now until mid-January. There’s a lot of good Christmas related artwork on display and we recommend checking them out!
The Cinema: Bored at home? The Cinema is screening several holiday related films for a limited time! The Polar Express, Elf, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, A Miracle on 34th Street, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and more! Get your tickets now as these films will be screened through the end of the holiday season!
The Hills: We know there’s a few days left before Christmas, but if for some reason you still don’t have a Christmas tree, a makeshift Christmas Tree Farm has been set up at the Hills! Feel free to visit and pick a tree of your choosing. The trees are all still fresh!
The Class: Ah, don’t you wish you were a kid again in elementary school on the last day before winter break? The Class is giving off that exact feeling! Feel free to pick a seat somewhere and grab some snacks! There’s a holiday movie being shown and it sure does feel like the last day of class before going on winter vacation…
The Club: Bust down some holiday tunes in the cold! The Club is looking snowy and icy as the dance floor is looking cooler than normal! Stop by and relax for a bit and listen to the tunes of Christmas or perhaps bust a move or two- we won’t judge!
The Parlor: Things are looking well for the Parlor after they just celebrated their ten year anniversary! While their menu is back to normal, they are still offering candy pizzas with the ingredients that were left over from the event. Whether you like candy or regular pizza, stop by the Parlor in its warm environment for a quick bite or perhaps a last minute holiday date!
There are many more dimensions to check out for the holidays! Better hurry up though as Christmas is rapidly approaching. To everyone reading and all of our supporters, we wish you a bright holiday season and may your wishes come true!
Q/A: Ask Rainier
Dear Rainier, so what are you exactly?
By: Hugh Ryu
Hello Hugh! If you take one good look at me, you'll assume that I'm some sort of reindeer, and you're not wrong! I was created strictly out of pure holiday magic by Santa himself! I was made to be part-reindeer, part-humanoid, but some people don't know that I also have a little bit of elf in me! I am mostly reindeer, so with this in mind, I can also speak to the reindeer at the Pole! Since I'm made of Christmas magic, I am also pretty much immortal. It doesn't bother me as I know I'll get to spread Christmas cheer til the end of time!
Dear Rainier, what does Santa do when it’s not Christmas time?
By: Layla Zenus
Hello Layla! Santa is always up to something, believe it or not. During the offseason period, he is often seen around the Pole making sure things are going well, or he is out in disguise in the dream world meeting new and familiar people while also keeping track of others’ behavior. Again, be nice to everyone you meet…you never know who it could be!
Dear Rainier, would the Pole ever go back to the real world?
By: Bach Derr
Hello Bach! That's difficult to say. It would have to take something insane for us to move our operations back to the real world. Remember, we moved to the dream world after the real world started to not believe in Santa as much anymore and well Christmas spirit was also going down. In a hypothetical scenario, the dream world would have to stop believing in Santa and have very low Christmas spirit for us to move back. I kind of wish to stay here in the dream world- it's the best!
Dear Rainier, can anyone work at the Pole?
By: Luking Forjob
Hi Lukin! Yes, anyone is eligible to work here at the Pole, if they have never committed a crime before. Training can take a while though. You’ll have to be trained efficiently to get whatever position is open, and sometimes it includes being able to wrap gifts in a certain amount of time, working with reindeer, learning how to use magic properly, gathering intel accurately, keeping track of files, being organized…the list goes on. So while anyone can apply if a position is open, you may not pass the first time, but you’re welcome to keep trying and applying!
Dear Rainier, what do you do when Christmas time is over?
By: Boe Ring
Hi Boe! Even when it’s not Christmas time, my job is still reserved for the holiday itself. During the off season period, we here at Pole still keep track of everyone’s behavior during the year. We also send out operatives in disguise to go around and gather intelligence such as behavior, people’s wishes, etc. While things are quiet at the Pole, I’m still around to keep track of such offseason duties, though work is less heavy. I’m also in touch with the other holiday head chiefs in case they need help from the Pole with anything!
Dear Rainier, what if someone doesn’t believe in Santa?
By: Bea Leav
Hello Bea! You know, there are definitely people out there who don't believe, and that's okay! Santa gives out gifts to people of all ages, so you're bound to get a gift from him at some point in your life- unless you're a criminal. Still, it's the concept of "seeing is believing" and although the man himself doesn't appear often in public like that, he's very much real! He's out there and he's getting ready to deliver presents. Remember, you are never too old to believe in Santa!
Upcoming Events:
Now- Joy to the World: The time has come to spread Christmas cheer…quite literally! Join Rainier, Ophelia, Porter, Telly and Sylveran on an adventure to save Christmas! But be warned…you might get something stuck in your head!
December 28- New Year’s Party 2023: It feels like it was just yesterday when we ushered in 2023, but now it’s almost over… Do you remember what we did this year? Not to worry! Let’s throw a party and rewind time, shall we?
December 28- ‘A Dystopian Nightmare’ rerun: Not that we want to, but we get a chance to go back into the dystopian nightmare where Big Brother reigned over all with fear and power. But as we know now, knowledge is power, but power is ignorance…
December 28- Lucid’s birthday party: It’s not necessarily a birthday party, but on the last day of the year, Lucid has some words to share with you once more. How do you think he feels about not being the most wanted criminal anymore?