THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Edition 89

WEATHER ACROSS DREAM WORLD TO IMPROVE BY NEXT WEEK

By: Oswald

Thunderstorms and rain showers are expected to start dying down within the next week, according to the Dimension Weather Prediction Service.

For about the past month or so, the dream world has seen widespread showers and thunderstorms that have been sporadically severe in certain dimensions. There have also been isolated tornadic storms, though most of them have occurred in the District dimension. As spring is in its last few weeks, the weather will slowly begin to improve.

“If you miss when the days weren’t wet and damp, you’re in for some luck,” Cirrus of the DWPS says, “We’ve gotten a lot of questions of when the rain will go away, but it looks like it’ll be soon!”

Many residents are looking forward to seeing the weather improve, citing the exhaustion of wearing rain gear and dealing with slippery roads and paths.

“I’ve gotten tired of wearing my ponchos every day when I go to work,” a local deer man said, “I’m just glad this is the last week I’ll put it on.”

“Delivering mail has been a pain in the behind!” Dylan, a DPDS postal worker told me, “This rain gear has seen a lot, but it’s made splashing in puddles a lot of fun!”

“One or two days of rain is alright, but almost an entire month of it raining is just boring,” a local wolf hybrid said, “It makes me not want to do anything, like just stay at home and nap all day!”

“Rain rain rain…boo! This sucks! I don’t like when it makes my hair wet! I can’t get my hair ruined!!” Almoral, a local necromancer told me.

Luckily for most dream world residents, the rain will be subsiding within the next week. The severe weather threat is also dying down, but keep tuned to the DWPS for the latest forecasts and advisories. You can get the latest forecasts on their website or you can visit your local forecasting office for additional information and resources.

DPF TO INCREASE PATROLS A MONTH FOLLOWING NEW FINDINGS

By: Porter

The Dimension Protection Force is increasing the number of officers dispatched to patrol dimensions about a month after it was announced that the DPF was on the lookout for the person of interest wanted for major dream world incidents.

Announced earlier this week, Chief Matías of the Dimension Patrol Unit (DPU)- a branch within the DPF- is dispatching extra officers to patrol select dimensions in hopes of having more eyes to catch Francis- the man who has been causing dream world anomalies.

“After speaking with Chief Daiki of the DIA, we both agreed that sending additional patrol officers across dimensions in the rural dream world would help the DIA out in having eyes spread across looking for suspicious characters,” Chief Matías says, “Any suspicious characters that match Francis’ description will be reported directly to the DIA.”

Chief Matías also says that an increase of patrol officers may lead to increased questioning by officers if you happen to be stopped by one.

“If needed, officers may question any travellers they come across in the rural dream world to ask questions relating to the DIA’s ongoing investigation into Francis,” he tells me, “If an officer determines that you are acting suspicious, they may take you into custody for additional questioning. We want everyone to be honest and come forward with any information that may lead to the arrest of Francis Robert P. Jackson.”

Chief Matías says he is in close contact with Chief Daiki in the event of any reports being reported to patrol officers regarding Francis, but so far, nothing of interest has come up.

“The public should always report any suspicious behaviour to a nearby patrol officer if they can, but especially if it possibly concerns Francis,” the chief explains, “So far, nothing interesting has been reported, but should something come up, I have Daiki on speed dial!”

Chief Matías says he is proud of Nate and M3-0W on their ongoing investigation and calls them “excellent” former officers.

“Both M3-0W and Nate have demonstrated their determination and care of the dream world both now and then as patrol officers in my unit,” Chief Matías says, “I’m very proud to see how well they’re still doing and look forward to helping them out in any way I can!”

If you see or hear about any suspicious activity, don’t wait. Please report it to your nearest DPF patrol officer.

Q/A: Ask Epsilon

Dear Epsilon, what’s this so-called “Big Six” I hear about?

By: Maine Guise

Hello Maine. You’ve probably heard about the “Big Six” before at some point. The term is used to refer to the six principal agencies within the DPF. As you know, the DPF is a giant organisation made up of various agencies, but the six biggest ones are the most relevant and important ones.

Appropriately nicknamed as the “Big Six,” they are the ones who meet with the DPF director each month to discuss important matters of the past month and set new goals for the following month, among other discussions. They consist of the following agencies: ROTU, DDCP, DIA, DPU, DFCA, and the IAA. 

You’ve likely heard of the ROTU- known as the Rescue Operations Team Unit led by Finn since 1989, the DDCP- known as the Dimension Disease Control and Protection led by Chief Demi since 1916, the DIA- known as the Detective Investigation Agency led by Chief Daiki since 1924. These three particular branches in the DPF have made headlines within the last six months or so for various reasons.

You may not have heard a lot about the DPU- known as the Dimension Patrol Unit led by Chief Matías since 1937. You may have, however, encountered one of the various patrol officers that are a part of this unit and patrol the dimensions of the dream world. The DFCA- known as the Dimension Forensic Crime Agency led by Chief Vivienne since 1973. This agency is in charge of handling crime scenes and forensic related matters. Lastly, there’s the IAA- known as the Intelligence Affairs Agency and led by Chief Kamaria since 1942. This agency is tasked with gathering and keeping very secret and important intelligence of certain matters across the dream world (think of them like undercover spies), though their work has recently also made its way online in this new digital age. I used to work in the IAA before I retired, if you didn’t know already.

You’ve likely heard about Finn before- he’s pretty cool, easy going, and laid back. I heard he’s called the most “chill” of the Big Six. Demi is smart and collected in her line of work, but she can be fun outside of work. Matías is an ambivert, a little awkward but not too terribly noticeable, but he is known to get stressed easily at work. Vivienne has a lot of energy and loves her job a lot; I guess she’s the most extroverted one in the group. Kamaria can be quiet, but she knows where her input is needed and often comes to the table with good ideas; she’s the most reliable of the group, so I’ve heard. Lastly, there’s Daiki; he’s the most serious and reclusive of the group. Daiki often reports to work with much to handle, but tries not to let it get a hold of him. After work though, he often stays to himself and doesn’t want to let work get a hold of him when he’s not clocked in. I don’t blame him though.

Everyone in the Big Six do constantly communicate with one another in their line of work, because remember that all branches within the DPF do have to work together to get information and pass down materials with one another when needed. Outside of work though, communication varies, but it’s always nice to see some of them hang out with each other outside of work. I guess it’s like seeing a teacher at the store in normal clothes doing normal things. You don’t really think they actually have lives outside of work unless you actually see them.

Would you ever want to meet one of the Big Six chiefs? They are definitely seen as important and even powerful to some, though their strengths and powers vary. Still, they’re pretty cool, don’t you think?

Dear Epsilon, do boundaries in the District change over time?

By: Gee Oh

Hello Gee. Yes, that is true. For a refresher, the District is made up of different wards representing the different continents of the real world. Each ward is then cut up into different enclaves which represent different regions in the real world. The size of enclaves are ratioed to scale with how big they are in the real world. The size of the Chinese enclave is big when in comparison to the size of the Egyptian enclave, for example. 

However, the sizes and boundaries of these enclaves do and have changed over time. As much of a silly idea it is to me to even change the sizes of enclaves due to human behaviour, it does happen. Whenever word of a real world boundary change happens, the Council convenes to discuss boundary changes to an enclave of whatever real world counterpart was affected. For example, if for some reason Canada were to shrink, the Canadian enclave would shrink too. I do really think it’s unnecessary to even change boundaries here in the dream world, but whatever.

Boundary changes happen all the time, but in recent times, it has been less than usual. I don’t understand why humans can’t just leave their own boundaries as is, but it’s not like they’re entirely the smartest species out there. There’s always conflict and problems in the real world, but seriously, why let it affect us down here in the District. I wish the Council would stop changing boundaries because it does also upset residents in their own enclaves. I guess one day the changes will stop and everyone can live in peace.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Room dimension expanded: Woah, now that’s a lot of space! Nice to see a room with more room to explore!

Now- Rainy Days continues: This is the last week for showers and thunderstorms across a majority of the dream world. Those umbrellas have been through a lot!

Now- Portal 3 opens: Surprise! If you have the Shamrock Artifact, you can go visit the Well dimension anytime you’d like now!

May 18- More room additions: Not sure why gas stations even exist in the rural dream world, unless it’s for those who enjoy drinking gasoline?

June 1- Birthday Party: Breaking news…a birthday party to be held soon in the Party dimension! More details to come!