THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, March 7, 2024
Edition 132
DPF INVESTIGATES MAGIC SHOW INCIDENT
By: Porter
The Dimension Protection Force is investigating an incident that occurred last week.
According to the information that’s available, the DIA and IAA are currently in communications with one another following a strange incident that occurred during Gia’s quadrennial magic show. During the show, many of Gia’s tricks and acts began to behave abnormally and eventually led to any magic involved to be seemingly “depleted.”
At the event, DIA and IAA chiefs Daiki and Kamaria, respectively, were in attendance and witnessed the entire ordeal. While the magic show began smoothly, things slowly progressed into Gia being unable to perform certain tricks and having to improvise on stage. In the nearly hundred years that the show has been hosted on leap day at the Stage, such an incident has not occurred- until now.
Following the events of the magic show, Gia expressed great remorse for being unable to deliver a grand performance and said she was confused on what went wrong.
“Non capisco, I don’t understand what happened!” Gia said after the event abruptly came to a halt, “I had everything planned out and rehearsed for weeks! Suddenly it’s like any magic I had just…poof! Vanished!”
The show itself lasted only around an hour before being shut down by DIA chief Daiki. The move caught those in the audience off guard, but the chief proceeded to explain calmly.
“I have seen enough. Gia, I ask that you immediately halt this show at once,” the chief said, “It is clear that your tricks are not going as planned today. I am not sure what is going on, but I believe this is not your intention nor your fault.”
After cancelling the show, both chief Daiki and Kamaria went up to speak with Gia who was confused and disappointed. Those in the audience stayed back to discuss and question what went wrong.
“Hmph, for Gia to have her show stopped halfway is unheard of,” Eliazar, Head Instructor for the ROTU’s recruit unit said, “I’ve only heard good things about her shows. This is the first bad thing.”
“It appears like something made Gia lose her magic,” DIA agent M3-0W said, “Perhaps something consumed the magic from the air that day? But all of it? I’m not sure.”
“Maybe not something, but someone!” IAA agent Nate said, “If I knew any better, I’d know that a certain human is probably up to no good again! Sabotaging Gia’s show? How evil!”
“Or perhaps said someone is using that magic for something else,” ROTU leader Finnegan said, “Could it be that he is planning something involving magic? Yet, why ruin Gia’s show?”
Many questions remain following the incident, but chief Daiki and Kamaria say that this will be a joint cooperation between their two agencies.
“We’ll be digging for intelligence on this matter regarding Gia and any potential suspects,” IAA chief Kamaria says, “I am not saying Gia is responsible nor that she worked alongside anyone in particular, but we have to see if there were flags ahead of time.”
“It has become usual now to immediately place the blame on Francis whenever something goes wrong, but I do not want to get ahead of anyone,” DIA chief Daiki said, “I believe Gia is not at fault, but we must see what led up to this, who was involved, how it happened, and of course, why it happened. Expect this investigation to persist for the rest of the month.”
No one was injured or hurt at the event and the Stage remains an active crime scene. The Stage is currently closed off to the public following this event as DPF agents assess the scene. If you have any tips or information about the matter, please contact the DIA at *342 or the IAA at *422.
SPRING HAS SPRUNG IN THE DREAM WORLD
By: Arial
And just like that, spring has officially arrived to the dream world.
As March began almost a week ago, the dream world transitioned from winter and into spring. After an unusually and brutally cold winter season, the dream world isn’t necessarily fully out of the woods. The weather service has released their seasonal outlook and are calling for a “near-below average” spring season. Typically, spring seasons are forecast to be “average” when compared to other spring seasons in the past, but this year comes a bit differently.
According to the seasonal outlook, a majority of dimensions in the dream world will experience spring, but a few dimensions will remain cooler than normal during the early part of the season. Moreso, they are forecasting “sporadic” observations of snow in a few dimensions. While these snow observations may not be heavy, it is still out of season. This led to the DWPS issuing its “near-below average” forecast.
“When we say ‘near-below’ we mean that it won’t entirely be a bust,” DWPS meteorologist Neige says, “We mean that spring will still arrive to a majority of the dream world, but there will be a few areas where it’ll still feel like winter for some.”
Neige says that for those still experiencing some lingering effects from winter, it shouldn’t last more than a month.
“If you’re in one of those dimensions that’s still feeling a bit cool or seeing out of season snow, it shouldn’t last long,” he explains, “I’d say perhaps a month, maybe a month and a half at the latest. It won’t be anything dramatic. We don’t expect subfreezing temperatures, but it’ll be cool. Snow may be seen in a minute amount of dimensions. Nothing to worry about.”
As for those experiencing spring, the usual spring-like weather conditions are to be expected. Severe weather occurs the most in the spring and the DWPS says not to let your guard down.
“Just because this forecast is ‘near-below’ doesn’t mean severe springtime weather isn’t out of the picture,” Neige says, “We will still have the possibility for widespread showers, thunderstorms, and severe thunderstorms too. Have a way to receive weather alerts!”
Spring runs from now until May 31. For the latest weather information and conditions in your or another area, visit the DWPS website or your local forecasting office for additional resources.
Q/A: Ask Nate
Dear Nate, how come the dream world is so empty in many places?
By: Al Bimiself
Hello Al! I see you’ve been going around the dream world and asking yourself that question. The dream world is so vast and immense, and because of that, you’re likely to encounter areas with zero signs of life!
That’s kind of scary, I know. To be fair, large population centers are gathered in areas that are livable or have stuff to do. You’ll encounter life in the Apartments, District, Cafe, Mall, Square, Club, etc. These are places that people either live in or go out to entertain themselves!
Some dimensions are quite empty and void of life. The Desert? Yeah, that dimension is very empty. The Sidewalk? A quiet place. Certain levels of the Backrooms? Yes, that is a very scary ambience. These places don’t really have much to do there, so dream world citizens naturally don’t go there.
Unfortunately, because there are more “empty” dimensions than there are of dimensions with life and crowds, humans are more likely to stumble upon and wander aimlessly through these dimensions. The Backrooms is a very good example of this. Humans who noclip here have a bad time wandering around in such an environment. Imagine being a human in a dimension that is quiet, cold, dark, and a bit surreal…yeah, I wouldn’t be having a good time!
Still, you’ll encounter signs of life in any dimension if you’re lucky enough. Plus, you can always ask for directions for anyone. DPF agents are always scattered around the dream world, and our badges easily help anyone identify us as one. Just come up to us and we can help you out with whatever you need!
The dream world is quite vast, dark and empty in some places, but it’s not too bad! Sometimes quiet can be quite peaceful for our minds, but then again, sometimes quiet is violent. I guess it just depends what kind of person you are!
Dear Nate, does the DPF come together to discuss problems and other matters?
By: Reyun Ion
Hiya Reyun! As a matter of fact, yes, they do!
If you didn’t know already, the DPF is really made up of other branches within it that all interconnect and work with each other. Each inner agency branch has its own leader that runs that specific branch. Director Ferekides is the Director of the DPF, so he oversees every single one of us!
At the beginning of each month, Director Ferekides calls a meeting for all the big bosses of each branch to discuss important matters and other things from each agency. From what I heard, they sit in a big room around a long table and go one by one presenting stats from that month from their agency and report on anything new or significant that happened.
Some of the more important branches include the rescue operations team- led by Leader Finnegan, a friend of mine!, the public health unit (DDCP) led by Chief Ophelia, the investigative unit led by Chief Daiki, my current boss and a bit intimidating man…, the forensics unit led by Chief Vivienne, the patrol unit led by Chief Matías, the intelligence unit led by Chief Kamaria, and of course there’s more and the branches have their own names but wow it’s a lot to memorize, I know! In the event of emergencies, Director Ferekides can summon a meeting to discuss the emergency at hand. All branch leaders must convene as soon as possible to address any emergency situation.
When it’s a regular meeting, leaders must present paperwork of the ups and downs that specific branch faced within the past month, report any incidents, list statistics, and other boring things that I’d probably fall asleep to. Leaders are tasked with a lot on their hands to keep things running smoothly, but the director makes sure to keep them on track!
Director Ferekides is a tall, built man with several hands, but he is very nice! Actually, he’s pretty laid-back nowadays. I mean, when you’ve led the agency since like, ever, you are more relaxed in the present time. I’ve gotten to know him well during the time Lucid was my partner in the DPF, and he knows that the two of us worked really well. He told me that Lucid spoke very highly of me, so I always remember to be grateful that Lucid- someone who surprised the director with his wit, intelligence, and skill during his time at the DPF- kind of helped me elevate myself in the agency- well, at least in the director’s eyes.
But yes, leaders of each branch do meet monthly with Director Ferekides to discuss boring paperwork, statistics, and other matters. In emergencies, they are summoned and report ASAP to the director. Yes, the DPF has a lot of things in it that interconnect, but they all share one common goal: to protect, defend and keep an eye on the dream world- the place we call home!
Upcoming Events:
March 14- Well dimension returns: The gentle sound of a waterfall can be heard nearby. Time to explore the dream world and find out where the sound is coming from!
March 14- Shamrock Artifact returns: Stumbling into this pot of gold, you’ll find a peculiar looking treasure. If you find it, you keep it!
March 28- Fractured Fairytales rerun ends: A few more weeks left to explore Wonderland before this quest comes to a close again. Life sure seems wacky in their world, huh?
March 28- April Fool’s Party 2024: It’s once again time to prepare for the silliest and wackiest party of the year! Who knows what we can expect from this crazy and zany event?