TIME ANOMALIES HIT DREAM WORLD

By: Porter

The dream world is looking different…in a strange way, that is. Time anomalies have hit different areas of the dream world causing some unexpected twists and turns…

Over the past week, construction workers and party preparations have been taking place. Count Anastasius has been planning to hold his famed Halloween party in the Club this year, and things are finally ready to go. Wait, that’s not right.

Sorry about that. Time anomalies have struck and they’ve caused different areas of the dream world to seemingly go back in time! Sir Timely has confirmed that these time anomalies are the reason as to why clocks across our world have been acting quite strange.

“It was amazing to see the reports coming in from aurora sightings in real time,” senior DWPS meteorologist Cirrus said, “For a few hours since the first few sightings, we were wondering when the auroras would manifest themselves into the rural dream world. Once the first report came in, it was rather exciting!”

Uh, no. Wrong quote. Here is the correct quote: “My team has determined that the Box dimension is the origin of where these time anomalies seem to be connected to,” Timely said, “We may have to venture into the Box dimension, but not like other instances in recent years!”

According to Rainier, Christmas is not cancelled this year in large contrast to the events of last year. If you recall, everyone in the dream world ended up on the naughty list which effectively cancelled Christmas until the very last minute or so. This year, the List that accounts for everyone in the dream world and whether they’ve been good or bad this year, is perfectly fine. Rainier stated that the List is untouched, but people in the dream world have low Christmas spirit.

Huh? Why do I keep doing that? Ahem. Sir Timely says that he’s assembled a team to go on an adventure…an adventure through time! He says that there is leftover anomalous residue that is causing these “glitches” in the past timeline affecting our present timeline.

“While the portal failed, it looks to have gone rogue. This means that the portal is unstable which is causing it to randomly appear and disappear across dimensions. Fortunately, we have secured the portal so it doesn’t teleport elsewhere, and we are currently active on the scene,” Ferekides said, “I don’t believe this is anything abnormal, but it’s definitely a troublemaker who doesn’t know how to make portals correctly. We’ll have an investigation into this nonetheless.” Huh??? Wrong again!

CORRECTED QUOTE: “Francis is at again…sort of! His past anomalies may be in the past, but its residual matter is not!” Timely explained, “We’ll be needing to clean up these residues to fix our current timeline.”

The DPF is also obtaining data being shared from the DWPS’ weather stations as part of an ongoing investigation into the weird anomalies across the dream world. The investigative unit of the DPF, the Detective Investigation Agency (DIA), is closely monitoring the data with the help of the DWPS to see if they spot anything strange or similar to last year’s data.

What??? DPF??? DWPS??? DIA??? No no no, that’s the wrong article! Okay, I don’t know what’s going on here. Well, according to Timely, the dream world is going to be looking a bit strange until these anomalous residues are cleaned up. Timely expects such a mission to take place on April 1.

“This won’t be an easy task, but luckily I got partnered with another agent for this task- and she’s pretty good!” Nate tells me, “She’s traveled across much of the dream world, and she has quite a good memory…you’ll see what I mean when you meet her!”

Wrong quote again!!! CORRECTED: “I’m aiming to time travel back to the past to clean up this mess that Francis left behind!” Timely said, “I won’t be heading alone though. I have a few great people tagging along to help me! It’ll truly be an adventure in time!”

The Patch Dimension is set to manifest itself on September 23rd and will be available for visits until early November, when it closes in on itself again.

Aw great. That part is from 2021! Ugh, well, you get the idea. Things are weird, again! This is a developing (and bizarre) story. Stick with… Tribune Tribune Tribune??? For the latest?? What the heck, sure.

SITES OF THE PAST IN THE PRESENT

By: Roman

With time anomalies affecting much of the dream world right now, there are various places to go check out if you’re feeling a bit nostalgic. 

The Tribune Tribune Tribune (who named us that?) staff visited various areas around the dream world and compiled some of our favorite sites for our readers to go explore. We have been told that, while these anomalies are not dangerous, you should still proceed with caution, just in case. Here are some places you should try to visit:

The Cinema: This dimension got hit with a time anomaly that sent it back to May 2023. While the world is black and white, they’ve been forced to temporarily bring back black and white films to their screens. A win for some, a loss for others…

The Cafe book room: Feeling stylish? A time anomaly here resulted in the Cafe’s book room being sent back to February 2023. Like the Cinema, a temporary, impromptu fashion show is being hosted with themes from that time.

The Desert: Feeling like getting spooked? The Desert is currently experiencing a time anomaly that has taken it back to October 2022— you know, when Neapworm was around. Don’t worry though, we have confirmed with the DDCP that no traces of Neapworm have been detected here!

The Home: Love is in the air in this particular dimension. Be taken back to February 2024 as the place observes Valentine’s Day. Things are looking sweet, but maybe don’t eat the candy.

The Lodge: While not so far away in the future, you can go observe Easter early at the Lodge, though perhaps you shouldn’t try out the candy in those eggs. We think they are way past their expiration dates… This dimension got hit with a time anomaly sending it back to April 2022.

The Nowhere: If you missed the auroras from last year, they’re back for a limited time over at Nowhere! June 2024 saw some beautiful lights in the sky, though some of them aren’t so much in the sky here.

The Pool: It’s only spring, but if you’re missing the summer time, you can go to the Pool and experience the summer of 2024 all over again. Grab a corrupted surfboard and jump in! The water…should be okay.

The Stage: If you’re up for some holiday music, the Stage has some magical, holiday season performances taking place just for you! This dimension got hit with a time anomaly that sent it all the way back to December 2021!

There are plenty more time anomalies to go visit, and of course, other areas are looking a bit wackier than normal too. It’s expectedly that the dream world will be a bit sillier for two weeks or so. Travelers are advised to still exercise caution, but to remain silly.

Q/A: Ask Dylan

Dear Dylan, are you and Epsilon happy living together in an apartment?

By: Mu Ving

Hey Mu! Not sure if I got your tone right, but there’s nothing wrong with living in an apartment! We’re lucky we have a roof over our heads! Actually, there was a time where we wondered where we’d go after some big drama!

You see, if you didn’t know already, Epsilon comes from a pretty aristocratic family! This means, well, they have MONEY! Epsilon has four other siblings, but his life wasn’t so easy being the youngest and often neglected. He still did live in his mansion alongside his parents, siblings, and the butler, of course, but he wasn’t so happy about it. When he and I started our relationship, we had to keep it a bit low because his family didn’t seem fond of him dating someone who wasn’t a cat-hybrid like him. It SUCKED!

So when the beans were spilled, his parents were very much not happy. They said that he either had to cut our relationship or that he’d have to move out. They gave him some time to make a decision, but within this time, Epsilon managed to land a job at the DPF while I followed my dad to the postal service. The two of us managed to make enough money to find a place to stay…

So Epsilon told them to kick rocks and the two of us moved into our current apartment! He has not returned to his parent’s place since then and he told me he isn’t really thinking about doing so anyway. We’ve been happily in this little place for many years now. It’s just right for two people, but there is a guest bedroom! If you ever need a place to stay (or hide if you’re a criminal, hahaha just kidding!) then we welcome you with big arms (at least I do)!

Dear Dylan, is delivering mail in the rural dream world worth the risks?

By: Dee Liver

Heyo Dee! I get asked this question often, actually. I’m not sure what the stigma is regarding the rural dream world (it’s filled with nice people) but I’ll explain my answer.

I don’t really mind delivering mail in the rural dream world! The “rural dream world” is anything in the dream world that is not within the District dimension’s walls. The majority of the dream world lives in the District which means the minority of the rest of us live out here! Yes, it’s more empty of life and you’re less likely to bump into people, but it’s not scary!

Epsilon has always warned me of bad guys, muggers, thieves, and whatever else, but in my one hundred years of delivering mail, I haven’t bumped into anyone like that! A lot of people that I’ve met on my mail routes have been pretty cool! You know it’s true what my friend Nate has told me: you learn a lot by talking to new people from all corners of the dream world! I’ve learned a thing or two from simply striking up conversation with ordinary people.

So yes, it’s worth the “risks” if there really were any in the first place! Don’t be intimidated by the stereotypes and stigma of the rural dream world. We have some nice people out here! I can go ahead and give you a tour if you’d like! My treat!!

Dear Dylan, why aren't you married yet?

By: Mary D.

Hey Mary! Uh, kind of an upfront question! Straight to the point! Hehe, well…

I think the reason here is that Epsilon has been “scared” to pop the question. I mean, it's not like I'm going to say no!!! I'm going to say yes, of course! I think it's something within him that’s scared or something…I don't know!

Honestly, we've been together for so many years now that it kind of feels like we're already past that stage? It's like, oh it feels that way if we don't really think too much about it. Yes, we have our little bickerings here and there, but we always find each other in the end! I don't really mind staying like this, but it gets to a point…

Then again, we still have a long life ahead of us. Perhaps he'll be asking me in the next fifty years or so…or sooner! Maybe there will be a birthday where he asks me the oh so important question…just maybe!

J/A: Joke & Answer!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

What did the painter tell his girlfriend?

“I love you with all my art!”

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved!

What kind of horse does a ghost ride?

A night-mare!

What's the best thing to drink on Easter?

Spring water!

What do you get when you save the dream world from a dangerous portal?

Charges dropped and then reimposed by the guy who seeks eternal vengeance after you for some reason, apparently.