TIMELY CLEANS UP TIME MESS, ANOMALIES TO TAPER OFF SOON

By: Porter

Time anomalies across the dream world are expected to wind down in the coming days.

According to Sir Timely, a mission that took place on April 1 successfully cleaned up anomalous residue that was scattered in the past timeline. Timely said that the mission in time was profound, but worthwhile.

“The residues inadvertently left behind by Francis have been cleaned up!” Timely said, “We went on an adventure through time and managed to safely dispose of this residue. In doing so, I expect the dream world to go back to normal quite soon!”

The mission, which included chief Vivienne of the DFCU, leader Finnegan of the ROTU, and IAA agent Hallucinate, was successful in “going back in time” to retrieve and dispose of the time matter.

“I collected samples of the residue to take back to our lab for examination,” chief Vivienne explained, “We’ll be analyzing them to verify that they contain traces of Francis’ DNA, but also seeing what we can find in them!”

“I got intel from this mission to report back to the IAA with,” agent Hallucinate said, “There was a lot that we learned! Perhaps, maybe a bit underwhelming, but still great information!”

Timely said that these residues were causing ripples in the past timeline that are affecting our current timeline. With the cleanup, the ripples have calmed, but the time anomalies will remain for a bit longer.

“Time anomalies don’t just disappear in a flash! No no, they will persist for a tad bit longer,” Timely explained, “Like I said before, these are not dangerous nor do they present a threat. In fact, there was never really a threat with these anomalies in the first place. The only threat was leaving them unattended for a long time, but luckily we got a hold of that!”

With regards to Francis, Timely said that this is not something that involves current “antics,” even considering that Francis is currently locked behind tight bars.

“There’s been a rumor that Francis was up to no good recently, but no, these anomalies were a result of his old antics throughout these last few years,” Timely explained, “I verified with the DPF that Francis is behind bars, and yes, he is! This was merely a result of his past actions coming back to haunt all of us. Let’s just be glad that it was not on a ‘Operation Blackout’ scale! Everything was just pretty silly! The dream world should be looking like its old self again in the coming week or so.”

Time anomalies are set to persist for at least one more week. While there is no threat to the public right now, the DPF asks that the public remain exercising caution nonetheless.

UNOFFICIAL NUMBERS SHOW DECLINE IN OVERALL CRIME

By: Oswald

With the chief of the DIA about to complete his first month in office, early unofficial numbers are beginning to show a possible effect from this dramatic position.

According to early data provided by the Dimension Investigation Agency, overall crime in the dream world in the past 30 days or so has seen a rather sudden decline in crime. If verified, crime in the dream world may have seen a near half decline in comparison to January to February.

“Crime is DOWN nearly a month into chief detective Sylveran’s tenure,” a post the DIA on LiminalSpaces said, “From January to February, there were a total of 3,145 verified crime reports. From February to March, there was a significant decline of 1,719 total crime reports.”

Per the math, from January through February, there were at least 104 crimes per day; when compared to February through March, there were at least 57 crimes per day. That’s about a 45 percent decrease in crime should the numbers verify. Even if the math is verified, it’s a rather dramatic drop in overall crime that some analysts are attributing to Sylveran’s swear-in.

“It’s a very dramatic decline in crime over the past month, especially considering how big the dream world is,” DPF analyst Charlotte Telara tells me, “The reduction in crime was less in the past month, but it’s hard to tell right now what the contributing cause of it was.”

Charlotte tells me that it’s too early to know if the decline in crime is a result of policy changes within the DIA since Sylveran was sworn in or if the cause of it lies merely in new leadership.

“The DIA will likely publish the verified numbers in the next few days, but it’s not safe to say that new policies brought forth by chief Sylveran are the cause for this reduction in crime,” she explains, “It may just also be his mere assumption to the position that caused this decline. Sylveran has been very well known to have been a tough bounty hunter. It wouldn’t be far fetched to assume people are scared of him.”

With Sylveran’s tenure reaching his first 30 days, a memo obtained by the Tribune from anonymous DIA agents has said that former DIA chief Tsukanai Daiki quietly reported back into work on March 27. The former chief is seemingly still “somber,” but doing the work of regular agents.

“Sylveran oversaw chief Daiki’s return on March 27 and assigned him A-rank cases to work on,” the memo said, “While chief Daiki preferred to have worked solo, Sylveran assigned another agent to work with him due to a policy he issued in his first week in office.”

The DIA is expected to release official, verified final numbers soon. For the latest news about the DIA, visit the DPF’s website.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, how much more advanced is the dream world than the real world?

By: Pheu Chur

Hi Pheu! If there’s one thing about the dream world that is different from the real world is that we are a bit more advanced than they are! However, it depends on what field we’re talking about, because not everything at every level is necessarily advanced.

Let’s start off with medicine. As you may have already known, the dream world has lots of different kinds of medicines that humans in the real world just don’t have access to for various reasons. We have potions, elixirs, pills, syrups and other medicines that help for different things. Some of them help us look younger, some help us feel better from certain diseases, some even cure things that humans can’t! As for healthcare, we’re also pretty much more advanced than humans for it. It’s kind of rare for people to stay ill for a long period of time…thank goodness for dream world medicine!

What about technology? Well, in terms of technology, we’re not that far off from humans. Actually, lots of us in the dream world tend to prefer more “retro” technology over modern technology. We like using vinyls, analog clocks, analog televisions, and those antique radios, but there’s still people out there who like using flat-screen televisions, digital clocks, and modern stereos! We don’t necessarily have any “futuristic” machines, however, I guess some areas do, like the sorting machine in the DPDS, or the replication machine used to replicate human material like CDs and movies. Overall, we’re not necessarily more advanced in technology than humans, although we have the knowledge and power to become so. I guess people like feeling more retro than modern, you know?

And what about infrastructure? It’s about the same as the real world, but some can argue that it’s better than the real world. Our roads are fine and kept up to date in most spots across the dream world, we have telephone lines to reach some of the isolated areas, we have Wi-Fi and internet running in most areas now too. Our buildings are routinely inspected…hmm, but nothing necessarily “advanced”...we just often clean up and make sure things are running smoothly!

That being said, the dream world does have its wins over some parts in comparison to the real world, but ultimately, I can’t speak for humans because I’ve never been to the real world to see for myself! I’m just glad we have more creative freedoms down here that allow us to thrive and prosper. If you ever visit the real world, feel free to send little dream demon Nate a postcard!

Dear Nate, what exactly is the Box dimension?

By: Dee Liver

Hello Wehr! Gee, you’re asking ME that… To be honest, not much is really known about the Box dimension! Let me explain!

The Box dimension is actually fairly new to the dream world. It was recently discovered within the last ten years or so, and information on it is not abundant. There are some things we know and don’t know about it. M3-0W and I ventured into it last year, and boy was it a LOT!

First, the Box dimension itself is hard to access. In order to get to it, you have to go through various “sub” dimensions first. These sub-dimensions are believed to be manually made by the Box dimension itself, but we’re not sure why. One theory is that the Box dimension is sentient and tries its best to not let people get to the main hub. There are many dangers in these sub-dimensions and it’s not safe to go alone! Another theory is that there are just natural areas that got warped into the main dimension itself. If you hadn’t caught on already, the Box dimension is literally very, very weird.

Second, it’s not known why there are boxes in the Box dimension. There are a LOT of boxes in the main hub and floating around it. Maybe there’s presents…maybe there’s fortune…maybe there’s misfortune… No one’s attempted to open any of the boxes in fear of causing a Pandorian effect in the dream world. Though, that being said, that leads to our next point…

Third, we’re not sure why this dimension has been leaking lately. Perhaps someone stumbled in again and opened a box. Perhaps that box caused a leak that is now spreading into the dream world. We really don’t know at this point, but we may get answers soon.

The Box dimension is weird, very! Things have typically been weirder in the dream world whenever something happens within it, but the more we venture in, the more we’ll learn from it…I hope!