ABNORMAL CLOCK BEHAVIOR INCREASES ACROSS DREAM WORLD

By: Porter

More reports are coming in across the dream world regarding clocks that are not behaving normally.

According to a statement put out by Sir Timely, the guardian of time in the dream world, more reports have come in the past week about residents sending reports that their clocks have been behaving in “abnormal” ways, including slower or faster ticking, and incorrect hand positions.

“I’ve heard a mix of reports ranging from slower ticking to faster ticking, to clock hands that have been acting cuckoo!” Sir Timely said, “The hands on these clocks seem to be pointing in different directions, depending on the area of the dream world.”

Sir Timely believes that the clocks are pointing to something.

“I believe the clocks are somehow behaving like a compass with the hands acting like a needle,” he explained, “They may be pointing towards whatever is causing them to act up. Unfortunately, I’m not sure yet what they may be pointing to.”

When asked why this is happening, the guardian angel said that it could be related to a time anomaly on a bigger than normal scale.

“Time anomalies are a rare phenomenon that can happen in the dream world. When they do, they cause an area of varying size to ‘go back’ to the past,” Timely explained, “Basically, this area of the dream world will remain in our present, but appear to be stuck in the past. Think of it as seeing an area decorated for Halloween in the middle of summer!”

Timely said that these time anomalies, if it is what’s happening, will likely present themselves soon, but there needs to be an investigation into what the cause is and where it’s stemming from.

“It’s important to understand why a time anomaly is happening. In most cases, it involves some sort of ‘glitch’ in our past timeline,” he explained, “We would need an investigation into what exactly is causing this glitch. I’ve contacted the DIA, but it seems like their new ‘crime-only’ policy is hindering such an effort.”

Recently, the Dimension Investigation Agency (formerly Detective Investigation Agency) implemented a policy that removes any cases into non-crime related matters. While it is not known if the current clock issue is criminal in nature, DIA chief Sylveran does not appear to be too interested in pursuing such a case.

“The chief is well aware of the matter, but based on the reports presented to him, this does not seem to involve any sort of criminal matter,” a spokesperson in the DIA said, “We have shifted our agency policy to focus on crime. Should this matter be a result of criminal behavior, the DIA will be happy to take the case.”

With the DIA not taking the case, Sir Timely says he’ll be dispatching his own team to track down the cause of the issue.

“My team are experts at all time related matters! They’re more than happy to investigate this issue for me,” Timely said, “The Time Enforcement and Safety Team is always taking care of issues involving weird time anomalies. They’re on the case! In the meantime, please continue to report abnormal clocks. Thanks!”

This is a developing story. Stay with the Tribune for the latest.

DIA MOVES TO MODERNIZE AGENCY WITH APP

By: Arial

A recent memo leaked from the DIA to the Tribune says that the agency is likely to move in a step towards modernization by releasing an online portal and application.

According to the memo, chief Sylveran quietly instructed and filed an order to create a mobile application that is expected to allow the public to report crimes at a faster rate. This app will let residents to quickly report a crime at the touch of their fingertips without having to dial any numbers or even go to the DPF website to do so.

“It’s something the chief believes will be faster than having to dial a number or even going all the way to the DPF page,” the memo states, “In doing so, this will allow the public to submit their own reports and contribute to the DIA’s modernization project.”

The app is also reportedly including a feature that would allow people to self-report their own crimes, including the ability to turn themselves in voluntarily.

“Any criminals in hiding are undoubtedly going to be caught, but this feature will allow them to turn themselves in voluntarily,” the memo says, “If they choose to do this, the chief may lessen charges or pursue a less harsh sentence.”

Some residents of the dream world argue that no criminal would use such a feature, and that there are already existing methods to report crimes and tips.

“Who really thinks criminals are going to turn themselves in?” Ronny, a resident in the rural dream world tells me, “It’s a waste of resources.”

“I don’t get it. We already can report crimes through a phone number. It’s just *1 and takes maybe two seconds, probably less time than having to open the app,” Farris, a resident at the Apartments, told me.

“You can report crimes and tips on the DPF website already so this app is just being used as a tool to make the DIA look modern and cool. I don’t know who benefits from it,” Byron, a resident in the English enclave said.

The app is likely to officially be announced in the coming weeks. Additional information to come.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, do all people age at the same rate in the dream world?

By: Getino L. Duhr

Hi Getino! Aging in the dream world sure takes its time on a lot of us, I mean, it’s why many of us live long lives! However, it doesn’t affect us all at the same rate…let me explain!

You may have heard of this phenomenon before called “Universal Aging Time Compression”— or “Universal Age Time Compression” or simply “Universal Age Compression”— which was coined by Lucid many years ago. Lucid observed and concluded that the matter in our world doesn’t take a huge toll on our bodies. That is to say that the matter doesn’t “compress” us too much and it allows our bodies to age slower. All universes have this, but it varies.

However (again), this compression doesn’t seem to affect us as children as much! You see, it appears that the biological structure of young children don’t become affected by UATC as much as young and older adults. When born, children will develop at a normal rate with these rates varying from slightly slower or faster depending on the species. When reaching the pubescent stage of life, it seems as if that’s when the compression slowly begins to kick in. Once past that stage and going into teen and young adulthood, that’s when we start to age slower. So, we begin aging at a normal rate but begin to slow down past our teenage years and moreso into young adulthood.

Lucid studied this a lot many years ago, although he hasn’t studied it well in children, but based on his observations, he may be right! To think that one day you’re born aging normally and then poof! You look like you’re not aging at all anymore the following day! UATC is a very interesting phenomenon and we’re lucky that Lucid researched this well! The two of us may be ancient, but we still feel young!

Dear Nate, can you take tours across the dream world?

By: Vee Zitur

Hi Vee! Yes, you can take guided tours across the dream world! There’s an organization that provides tours to different parts of the dream world and different dimensions.

The Dimension Guided Tour Association has several posts across the dream world that allow anyone to partake in exploring the vast dream world. The DGTA has trained tour guides that often know all the “hotspots” of the dream world, areas that are pretty popular. 

I will advise you that most posts offer tours on foot. Vehicles in the dream world are only allowed in certain dimensions like the District, so you’re likely going to be walking around. Don’t worry though! I’m aware that in recent years, the DGTA has gotten access to tools for teleporting to different areas. However, they’ve also raised their prices after this addition…

If you’re really up for it, you should try a tour! There are lots of dimensions to check out and you’ll also learn the history of the dream world along the way. But if you don’t feel like paying a lot, you can always count on this little dream demon to give you a tour himself! Not to brag, but I pretty much know almost all the cool places!