THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, July 13, 2023

Edition 98

DPF LOCATES RIFT PORTAL, ADDITIONAL MISSING BOOKS

By: Porter

The Dimension Protection Force has announced that they have located a rift portal matching the description of the same one that was reported earlier last month.

Responding to the scene over in the Hills dimension, Detective Investigation Agency Chief Daiki was seen securing the area along with other agents responding. When approached, the chief told us we weren't allowed to get closer.

"This is a secured area and we are in the process of containing the portal," Chief Daiki told me, "I'd be happy to answer questions, but do not step closer."

The rift portal appears to be similar to the one in the description, but it also appears to be similar to the one from last year as well.

"Yes, it looks like another portal similar to the one from the previous year has opened up," the chief said, "Last time we checked, the previous portal is still contained and sealed, so this one is definitely new. However, we are not sure how long this rift portal has been wandering around the dream world before it was spotted last month."

Aside from the rift portal, boxes and books were found around the scene. Chief Daiki says that these are books that have been reported missing from certain dimensions, and that there appears to be a pattern.

"We found these books and boxes around the rift itself and upon opening the boxes, we found additional missing books," he explained, "These books appear to be reported missing, but we noticed a peculiar pattern to the reports we've been getting." 

The chief explained that all the reports of missing books appear to be coming from public areas, that is to say, books belonging to private areas such as homes of dream world residents, are still in their homes. Books have only been stolen from areas available to the public such as the Grand Library and the Book room in the Cafe. 

"This lets us to believe that the culprit is not bothered by breaking into homes and stealing books from residents, but rather they are actively going into easily available public areas to steal them. Unfortunately, we do not have any surveillance footage from these areas nor do we credible witnesses of seeing the crime take place," Chief Daiki said.

Strangely, the boxes of missing books appear to have a destination or intention, as some are labelled "TO: BB", "CONFISCATED", "SENSITIVE MATERIAL", and so on. Perhaps the biggest and most interesting piece of evidence so far is the '1984' memorabilia found around the scene.

"We found posters of the book '1984' around the scene as well as writing on the boxes," the chief explains, "One of the boxes has a destination to someone named 'BB', which if you have read '1984', you would know that it stands for Big Brother. It looks like these books are being actively confiscated with the intention of taking them into the same world of Big Brother and possibly destroying them."

When asked what the reasoning could be for destroying the books, the chief said not to jump to conclusions.

"I said possibly, as in, I'm not sure if that is the real intention here," he explained, "No sane person would steal books from our world, build a rift portal likely leading to another world- the same world ruled over by Big Brother who seeks to destroy knowledge through surveillance, lies, and control over the lives of the citizens, and bring him books that don't fit his ideology. My fear is that these books are likely going to be destroyed for whatever reason in that world."

Chief Daiki said that such a mission to retrieve those missing books would be highly dangerous, as traversing worlds is already dangerous in itself, but even more so if the world is ruled over by a nightmarish dystopian authoritarian. 

"It is extremely dangerous for anyone to go into that world and get the missing books back, assuming they are not already being destroyed," Chief Daiki said, "Not even the ROTU can be dispatched for this. Truthfully, I am not sure if much can be done at this point considering this involves other worldly affairs. Our priority right now is to contain this rift and retrieve any additional books we find. The DPF will hold an emergency meeting soon to discuss solutions to this."

The DPF is expected to hold an emergency meeting next week among its "Big Six" branches to discuss solutions to this problem. In the meantime, they ask the public to avoid the Hills as they work to contain and secure the scene. They also ask to keep reporting if books are being stolen or if they find additional books or perhaps additional rift portals. If so, do not approach the rift portal and dial *1 to report it.

COOKIE CRUMBLES SEES EXCELLENT FIRST WEEK UPON OPENING

By: Oswald

It's official: Cookie Crumbles at the Mall is a success!

A week after it had its grand opening event, Cookie Crumbles reports a very successful first week of sales. Many customers report swift and delicious service.

"I came upon hearing they opened one at the Mall," a local Mall frequenter tells me, "It was worth the trip and honestly, these cookies are so good!"

"I love the cookies here!" a local artist tells me, "The texture…the smell…the flavor! These cookies rock!" 

"I love cookies! I want more cookies!" a local monster exclaims, "I must have more cookies!"

I went to Cookie Crumbles myself and sat down to try their cookies.

For starters, I asked for two chocolate chip cookies. I also asked for one rainbow cookie, one oatmeal cookie, and lastly one fudge cookie. I also asked for a pink lemonade slushie as the accompanying refreshment.

The chocolate chip cookies were great! Classic taste and the chocolate chips were melted just right. Not too crunchy but not too chewy either. I liked them!

The oatmeal cookie was also good! It reminds me of the oatmeal cookies I used to buy when I was a kid at the local grocery store. Of course, these taste much better since they are handmade!

The rainbow cookie, which is just a cookie with rainbow sprinkles on it, was good. Perhaps not the biggest fan of it, but it definitely was not bad. I would have preferred it with less red sprinkles!

Finally, there was the fudge cookie. Definitely the best one of them all! Considering it was still warm, it feels like a brownie while still having the texture of a cookie. Gooey, but it was so good! 

The pink lemonade slushie was also good- let's not forget about that- but drink it slowly! I ended up getting a small brain freeze after going in too fast. Whoops!

I think the fudge cookie is definitely the one to try if you're planning to visit. Just note that there are other flavors to try out besides the ones I tried. Overall, I'd say the service is five out of five stars, the food is five out of five stars, and the atmosphere is five out of five stars. It definitely reminds me of cookie shops when I was younger, and for that, I'd say you should come on down to Cookie Crumbles at the Mall! 

Q/A: Ask Epsilon 

Dear Epsilon, does everyone need a licence to drive?

By: Carry D. Ryve

Hello Carry. Getting your driver’s licence in the dream world is definitely an achievement worth celebrating as it is considered a privilege. Not everyone is allowed to drive because of varying reasons, but if you have a licence, you’re quite lucky.

Even so, you’re not required to have a driver’s licence, and much less own an actual vehicle. As you may already know, vehicles in the dream world are rare, and you’ll mainly find them in the District. In the rural dream world, it’s already rare to come across one or two, and roads aren’t necessarily the best to drive on out here. Most vehicles you might encounter in the rural dream world are usually DPF affiliated vehicles on official business. Otherwise, you’ll hear honking and beeping in the District for the most part.

To be honest, if you live in the rural dream world, you probably aren’t interested in getting a driver’s licence. Walking is the best way to get around out here, and while inconvenient to some, you do get used to it. Now if you live in the District, then you’re more than likely wanting to obtain a licence. Distances in the District may require you to drive a vehicle to get from one point to another, plus the road infrastructure here is much better than in the rural dream world. In any way, you aren’t required to own a driver’s licence, but if you want it, get it.

Dear Epsilon, are all dimensions named specifically for one single area?

By: Ned Anayme

Hello Ned. When you’re in the dream world, you will be hearing people refer to dimensions as “The” followed by the name of the dimension. The Mall, The Arcade, The Parlor, The Game, etc. While you may think these dimensions of being one singular area, think again.

You see, a dimension isn’t necessarily always composed of one singular area to check out. Each dimension is typically composed of similar areas that share the same nostalgic properties that make them up. Think of it like this: if the matter making up an area is closely similar to that of another area, then they will stick together. 

Ever notice how the Hallway is composed of several hallways? This is because the properties making up each area in this dimension are closely similar to one another. It would make sense they are bunched into one dimension on their own. How about the School? Or the Room? These dimensions also share areas that are made up of similar matter with one another.

Of course, not all dimensions are grouped up like this, but most are. This is one of those "it's the dream world, it's not always supposed to make sense" questions, but there's always some sort of explanation. Hope this cleared some of your confusion up.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Fractured Fairytales rerun: We found Wonderland, again! You and I got lost in it, again! 

July 20- Anniversary Party construction: Confetti? Check. Balloons? Check. Streamers? Check. Only thing missing is you!

July 27- Anniversary Party 2023: What colors do you think will be representing this year's anniversary? Last year, it was blue and yellow, so what's your guess for this year?

July 27- A Dystopian Nightmare: Looks like those missing books in the dream world are being taken into this world with malicious intent, but why?