ANOTHER GLORIOUS WEEK OF POWER

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

The dream world has been saved and Francis Robert P. Jackson has been captured and arrested while the DPF triumphs its successful mission…HAHAHA! Just kidding!

The ongoing blackout with snowy weather continues! I frankly don’t think it’s going to end anytime soon. I remain with absolute power- both in a political AND literal sense. My base has enough power to keep me out of the dark and pretty toasty! I also remain the de facto leader of the rural dream world, so DO AS I SAY!

Another glorious week of power (for me) and there’s nothing in this world to stop me. The DPF is completely MIA and everything else is basically at a standstill. I didn’t think I’d get this far, but I guess dreams really can come true in the dream world after all! Stay tuned for some wonderful news about future plans for humans from yours truly!

YOUR SEVEN DAY WEATHER FORECAST

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

And now…your local forecast!

Currently, the temperature is VERY COLD with heavy snow and blizzard-like conditions.

For today: Heavy snow. Very cold. Chance of snow: 100% Snowfall accumulations around around a foot.

Tomorrow: Heavy snow. Very cold. Chance of snow: 100% Snowfall accumulations around around a foot.

Tomorrow night: Heavy snow. Very cold. Chance of snow: 100% Snowfall accumulations around a foot.

The week ahead: Saturday, Heavy snow; Sunday, Heavy snow; Monday, Heavy snow; Tuesday, Heavy snow; Wednesday, Heavy snow.

TOP FIVE REASONS FOR HUMANS TO COLONIZE

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

There are many reasons why humans should colonize the dream world for ourselves. Here are the top five reasons why I think we should- in no particular order!

1. We created this world, so therefore, it is ours by default!

2. The dream world’s environment and atmosphere is similar to that of Earth. It’s perfect!

3. Humans deserve to live in a world without famine, war, and any other obstacles that hinder progress of our species!

4. There’s a LOT of space here when compared to the real world. We can build our own settlements without worrying about space and resources!

5. Medical advances here will guarantee us long lives, the likes of which aren’t possible with our own medicines on Earth. Think of all the things we can get cured and prevent easily!

There’s plenty more reasons, but I think these are the most reasonable. Do you agree? YOU BETTER!

ALL FUTURE EVENTS CANCELLED

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

By order of Francis Robert P. Jackson, de facto leader of the rural dream world, all future parties have been cancelled indefinitely. 

This includes: Halloween Parties, Holiday Parties, April Fool’s Parties, Fashion Shows, Noir Parties, Summer Parties, Valentine’s Parties, St. Patrick’s Parties, and any other event previously celebrated or to be celebrated yet.

New events will be planned ahead of time by Francis himself with his own touch included. Humans can still observe certain holidays, but must have approval beforehand. New events will be able to be observed by all, with some limited participation by non-humans. Order is subject to change.

TOP THREE FAVORITE PROJECTS OF MINE

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

I’ve done various projects here in the dream world, but what have been my top three favorite ones? I’ll tell you- in no particular order, again!

1. NEAP-1: Ha! This little parasite was probably one of my most genius inventions yet. I mean, designing this was not too hard and it really caused such a standstill two years ago! I could always make another, but…maybe another time.

2. Otherworldly portal: Did you know I already made a portal before? While those didn’t lead to the real world like I wanted them to, it led me to the world of Big Brother where I was the big man himself! I had an entire army behind me! It’s too bad those plans got ruined…

3. Weather machine: And of course, where would I be without my amazing weather machine? This baby has been responsible for the grand snowstorms of 2022 and 2023! I’m so glad I cranked this up to the max because it’s truly given me all this power I never had before. Bless you, you grand, beautiful invention!

EVEN MORE RULES

By: Francis Robert P. Jackson

I have come up with even MORE rules for the rural dream world, in addition to the ones already established, of course. Here’s what is new!

RULE 11: All official information and services will now be relayed over to ME! This includes, but is not limited to, weather services, emergency services, postal delivery services, power and energy services, solid waste services, water services, financial services, and more!

RULE 12: Absolutely NO tours will be given around the dream world without authorized scripts and routes. Tour guides MUST use official Francis-approved tour information and routes if they plan to do so.

RULE 13: NO gambling. Whether it’s at a casino, in your home, online, or wherever, do NOT partake in this. 

RULE 14: All residents must display a portrait of myself in their homes above the entrance to their dwelling. I would prefer if you used my official portrait as seen in the previous edition of the Times.

RULE 15: Absolutely NO smoking. Seriously, it’s disgusting!

RULE 16: Residents must surf on APPROVED websites if using the internet. A list of approved websites can be found on the formerly Subliminal Tribune’s homepage.

RULE 17: Journalists and the general media MUST write and speak about me in a POSITIVE manner. Any newspaper, website, network, or the like who does not is subject to termination.

RULE 18: Absolutely NO fun without my permission!

RULE 19: Dream world languages and dialects are PROHIBITED! Only speak in human languages, preferably English, Romance languages, German, Arabic, Japanese, Chinese, and sign language. Russian use of language is on thin ice.

RULE 20: Suggest MORE rules! Seriously people! Let’s make this place a GREAT place for all of us (me)!

Q/A: Ask yours truly

Did you really work all alone in this?
By: Al Lone

Yes! I’m just THAT smart. I didn’t “need” anyone else to do all of what I have done. It takes a pretty good brain to come up with all of this, which thankfully, I have!

You’re going down!
By: Sirius Lee

Hang on, this isn’t even a question! Don’t tell me you have forgotten what a question mark looks like? Hint: I literally just used one!

Can you make it stop snowing and give power back?
By: Priti Pleez

No.

What’s your favorite color?
By: Favie Hue

Finally, a good question! You may think that a ginger like me is going to say orange, but actually it is not! My favorite color is actually blue. It’s the reason why I have these blue earrings, and of course, they also match my eyes. Sure, it might be a typical fan favorite, but blue is a great color! If you don’t agree, go fight with the wall! Thank you for this great question.

Did you vote in the recent American election?
By: Elek Ted

While I am a natural born U.S. citizen, I did NOT vote in the 60th quadrennial U.S. presidential election…because I CAN’T! I’m literally stuck in the dream world and couldn’t vote! To be fair, I honestly don’t know how that election went nor do I know who the candidates were. Whoever won, I sure hope they plan on restarting Project Morpheus once I go back!

Why don’t you just forget your project and live here in peace?
By: Will Yustopit

Ha! I’m not going to simply forget such a grandiose project, especially one that was monumentally historic! Project Morpheus is not just some project. It was the most consequential advancement in human history should it have actually been successful! I need to go back and tell them everything I’ve seen, learned, and experienced while I was here. Once the project is back up and running, there will be no stopping it! Hopefully by then, I’ll be the one in charge of the project. After all, I survived that freak accident and lived all this time to tell the tale! I DESERVE to be the overseeing director of that project. They may have laughed at me then, but not this time! Francis Robert P. Jackson will be the one to take the human race to its next chapter- one that will be for the books!