THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, January 6, 2022

Edition 19

NEW YEAR, NEW RESOLUTIONS TO BE MADE

By: Roman

The start of a new year is considered to be a fresh start for many, and folks in the dream world have been sharing what they wish to accomplish with themselves this year.

New year resolutions are goals set in place for a person to achieve for that particular year. While many fail, some of these resolutions are reachable, and may help a person improve themselves!

“One of my resolutions this year is to become a post office worker! I think delivering mail is such a cool job. I’m working hard to get that position!” a local morlock told me.

“Continuing to exercise just as I do now,” Epsilon explains, “I’m often out early in the morning doing my jogs before stopping by the Gym to work out for a bit. I think I want to continue that going into this year.”

“Lucid! Finding him is my number one priority! If you see him, let me know, please?!” Almoral exclaimed to me.

“Dropping people who’ve hurt me,” a local ninja tells me, “Whether it was intentional or not, they don’t seem to care anymore. Good riddance to them.”

“Oh I know exactly what I want to accomplish this year…it’s been on my list of to-do things for years now. I have a very, very good feeling that I’ll finally be getting my wish come true this year. After all, some things can’t be hidden forever, can they…?” a local bounty hunter tells me.

Regardless of what your resolutions may be, we all are wondering what the new year is going to bring. If we want to make the best of it, we should pursue and seek happiness, no matter in its form. We hope everyone takes it easy, and has a great first week of 2022!

WEATHER SERVICE FORECASTS ONGOING WINTRY CONDITIONS

By: Porter

As the dream world enters January, the Dimension Weather Prediction Service is predicting an ongoing winter in the dream world. While this may seem obvious, considering the season we are in, they acknowledge that this is a bit abnormal, but not incredibly surprising.

“Our meteorologists are looking at models that are portraying ongoing winter weather conditions in dimensions that are currently experiencing such conditions,” Cirrus, senior meteorologist at the DWPS, tells me. “While these models are about 2-3 weeks ahead of time, they’ve been trending the same forecast of ongoing winter weather, and even include other dimensions getting to receive their first snowfall of the season.”

Currently, the DWPS has issued Winter Weather and Freeze Alerts for several dimensions, but they confirm that these alerts may be extended, and give a heads up that they will likely issue new advisories for other dimensions soon.

“It’s not unusual to extend any advisory if weather conditions persist past our expectations. We’re going to likely do that, and issue new advisories, should the models continue to trend for ongoing winter weather conditions,” Cirrus explains, “The models aren’t predicting a full white-out, blizzard like conditions, but typical moderate to heavy snowfall and freezing weather.”

Besides January, Cirrus tells me that the DWPS is still maintaining its position that this winter will be an average season.

“Weather is a phenomenon that is constantly changing. Sometimes the weather acts on its own and it catches us off guard. That doesn’t mean we were completely wrong, plus, this isn’t really abnormal. On the bright side, if you like winter, you’re going to enjoy these next few weeks!” Cirrus tells me.

As always, if anyone has any questions or would like more information about this, please feel free to visit your nearest DWPS office. They’ll be glad to answer your questions and give you information if you ask for it!

Q/A: Ask the main cast

Dear Nate, what kind of food do you like?
By: Yoo Mi

Hi Yoo! I really enjoy eating spicy food! I’m not really much of a sweets type of person, nor sour, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t eat a meal that is sweet or sour! I just really prefer my food to be spicy is all. Whenever I stop by the Ramen dimension, I often ask for the spicier dishes, and others kind of just look at me devour it with ease. Other people would probably catch on fire, but not this little dream demon! Nope! I love it!

Dear Fig, do you have permission to open portals in the Backrooms?
By: Port Almaker

Hey Port! I do! You actually need permission to open portals in the dream world! Boy, where do I begin? When I found the Backrooms for the first time, it was kind of an adventure! I have a very good memory and didn’t get lost navigating my way around it. When I reached a dead-end area, it occurred to me that it would be a good area to open portals to other dimensions, considering a lot of people get lost and trapped in there. I asked the Council of the dream world, and they accepted my request! Pretty cool for an oni like me!!!

Dear Telly, what is your favorite television show at the moment?
By: Bin G. Watch

Hello Bin! I must say that there are so many shows to choose from, and it is quite hard to pick one in particular. I think my choice for favorite television show at the moment would have to be “The Golden Girls”! It’s a very entertaining show…thank you for being a friend!

Dear Almoral, I’m kind of new around here, do you have any advice?
By: Travis Leer

Hi Travis! Oh wow you’re asking someone like me? I guess my handsome good looks will make anyone want to come ask me for advice, ohoho. Hmm…advice… Oh! A really good tip to remember is that when there’s no cops around, anything’s legal! The DPF can’t get ya if they aren’t around! Hahaha I’m winking under my eyepatch, by the way…

Dear Porter, what’s your favorite dimension?
By: Han Gout

Hello Han! My favorite dimension would have to be the Cafe. Not only is it the one place where there is always someone with something to say and have the latest scoops, they also have the best coffee and pastries in the dream world!

Dear Epsilon, how long have you and your partner been together for?
By: D. Ayton

Hello D. Dylan and I have been together for 75 years now. And yes, we remain very much happy together. That bunny boy makes me very happy, and he also takes good care of a poor near-blind cat boy like me too. We balance each other out.

Dear Sir Timely, what’s your favorite month of the year?
By: Kalenda R.

Hello Kalenda! I really like August! It’s the month where I have the least amount of work to do. I mean just look at it! Almost nothing happens in August! That’s not to say I like all the other months just as equally! Leap year Februarys are always quite fun to look out for too!

Dear Cirrus, how long have you been working at the DWPS for?
By: Ray Nee

Hi Ray! I’ve been working for the DWPS for around 70 years now! Did you know I am one of the original people who got together to form the agency? Our team originally consisted of 8 members, including me. We now have over 500 members in the agency! 

Upcoming Events:

Now- Holiday season continues: The festivities continue for one more week it seems. Do you think Rainier is confused as to why it’s still Christmas in some dimensions?

January 13- End of the holiday season: It’s beginning to look a lot like it isn’t Christmas anymore. On the bright side, that also means we’re getting closer to the next one!

January 20- Winter Party 2022: Looks like winter will continue for some dimensions, and more of them will begin to experience snow and ice!

Later this year- The good, the bad, the curious: There are good people, curious people, and bad people in this world who want to see the good and curious fall. Listen, if I was the main character, I’d watch my back this year!