THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, February 17, 2022
Edition 25
DPDS REPORTS MACHINE MALFUNCTIONS, WRONG MAIL
By: Porter
On Valentine’s Day, the Dimension Postal Delivery Service was quietly dealing with some issues in its sorting and packaging system that resulted in some people getting the wrong mail.
According to internal reporting, the DPDS started experiencing malfunctions in their machinery that helps sort out letters and packages since at least last Thursday. DPDS Chief Kaige had suggested it was a tiny mishap and thought not much else of it, but the malfunctions continued on into Monday where it led to a wide array of problems.
As of now, the main machine that handles the sorting has been given a fix by maintenance workers, who have assured that the machine is working fine now. However, there is no real answer as to why the machine began to behave erratically.
“We believe it was some sort of internal processing error,” Chief Kaige tells me, “This is a machine operating on software that’s a bit outdated. We’ve never experienced a malfunction on this scale before, but I guess we’ll have to start thinking about updating to a more modern system. As for the mail, we advise everyone to return any mail sent to you by mistake to a nearby postal office or drop-off box. We’re so sorry for any inconvenience.”
While the machine is back up and running normally now, the DPDS has asked the DPF to investigate the root cause of the error. The DPF has sent out their technology task force to examine the machinery and help determine what caused it to start acting up strangely.
Despite this mishap, the DPDS doesn’t suspect it to be anything abnormal.
“Old machines will slowly start acting up,” Chief Kaige says, “But we’ll be looking at newer systems to implement if our old system continues to act up after this. We don’t think this is anything to worry about.”
If you’ve received a wrong postal delivery, be sure to return it back to a nearby DPDS office or postal drop-off box. The DPDS will work to resend it to its correct destination.
LOVEBUG CASES APPEAR TO BE DECLINING, PER DDCP
By: Oswald
The Dimension Disease Control and Protection has recently confirmed that cases of Lovebug are on the decline.
The health agency has reviewed recent case data and have determined that cases of the disease have peaked and are now going down. However, they are saying to remain vigilant as this disease is still detected in some people.
As of today, there have been a total of 204 cases reported in the dream world. On an annual average, cases for Lovebug don’t reach a thousand, with the most cases in a year being reported back in 2017 having reached 931. The DDCP isn’t considering this year to be an outbreak of Lovebug, as it is mostly sporadic in nature.
“All of the people being infected with Lovebug have been scattered. We’d call it an outbreak if it seemed to be concentrated in a single area of the dream world,” a DDCP agent tells me, “But cases are scattered, and thankfully it isn’t contagious.”
As a recap, Lovebug is not contagious, which means infected individuals cannot spread it to others. Individuals typically develop a small rash on the area where they were bitten, and symptoms usually develop after six hours. There have been some documented cases where symptoms develop within an hour or two, typically when the subject infected is around the person they have feelings for.
“Yeah Lovebug is weird and embarrassing,” the same DDCP agent tells me, “I’ve never been bitten, but the thought of it is scary. I wouldn’t want to say embarrassing things without realizing it!”
Despite its non-lethality or threat to health, Lovebug does not have a real cure. It appears that only being hateful, rejectful, resentful and hostile to the infected individual can help speed up the recovery process, but a real, reliable cure has yet to be discovered.
The DDCP expects less people to become infected as the weeks go on. The bug itself, also called Lovebug, will have passed its mating season, leading to less bite encounters with people in the dream world. If you or someone you know has symptoms, you should take a test to rule it out.
Q/A: Ask Lucid
Dear Lucid, what do you prefer: day or night?
By: Luna Starr
Hello Luna. I would say that I prefer the nighttime. I enjoy looking at the stars and the moon. Although they behave differently in the dream world than in the real world, they are still a wonder to observe with your own eyes.
Dear Lucid, which hand do you use to write?
By: Penny Cilhold
Hello Penny. I use both of my hands to write. The ability to use both of your hands to write is called being ambidextrous.
Dear Lucid, is it true that your memories became black and white?
By: Mano Chromos
Greetings Mano. That is very true. All of the memories I had in the dream world that used to be in color have become monochrome after being cursed. I do not remember the colors of those memories, which is unfortunate because I miss seeing certain colors on people.
Dear Lucid, do you know the digits of pi?
By: Gee K.
Hello Gee. Pi is such a fascinating irrational number with no end, but yes I do know the digits of pi. In fact, I have memorized the first 6,512,938,704 digits of it, and am still learning to memorize even more! Would you like to hear me recite them? Oh, I would not want to bore you…
Dear Lucid, is it true that the human Egyptian pyramids were constructed with help of aliens?
By: Ally N.
Greetings Ally. I was around when they were getting built and alive to witness the Pyramid dimension. However, I was not in the real world to physically see them getting built myself, but I have heard strange stories of extraterrestrials helping humans in the past. I cannot confirm or deny this theory, though. Using mathematics and other skills, it would appear that human construction of them on their own could have been possible, but I am not quite sure either.
Dear Lucid, coffee or tea?
By: Bev Ridge
Hello Bev. I do not mind either, but I prefer them to be sweet in nature.
Dear Lucid, have you heard of the “Updog” disease?
By: Dylan
Oh hello Dylan, I did not expect you to be here. Hmm, I have not heard of this disease. What is “Updog”?
Dear Lucid, can you speak backwards?
By: Reeve Irsid
Hello Reeve. Yes, I can, and it is actually a language here in the dream world, though there are various dialects of it.
Dear Lucid, I bet you can’t form a sentence without using the letter “A”!
By: Almoral
You thought you just did something there, did you not? Well sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon. Once more, I will still not be coming over to your residence soon.
Dear Lucid, do you think you’ll ever get your redemption after what happened to you?
By: Apollo G.
Greetings Apollo. To be fair, maybe one day. I do not think that the Council will ever apologize to me for what they did to me, though. Some people are incapable of apologizing, even when they know they are in the wrong. They may even victimize themselves in the process, putting the blame on the real victim. Forgiveness is a nice thing to do, but you cannot forgive some people for the things they did to you. I really do not know what it is going to take for me to prove my worth and get my redemption, but I hope to live in the dream world one day without fear of getting caught and punished once more. Redemption will come someday.
Upcoming Events:
Now- New portal opens: Don’t touch that button, these lifts have a mind of their own.
Now- Almoral’s mansion returns: He thinks Lucid’s going to come back soon. (He’s not.)
February 24- Level 6: It’s not just Lucid’s favorite number, but a part of the Backrooms too!
March 3- New portal opens: If video killed the radio star, then what killed video?