THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Edition 30

DIMENSION LEAK CAUSING STRANGE ANOMALIES

By: Porter

The Dimension Protection Force is responding to various reports of items going missing in many dimensions, as well as strange glitches.

According to the DPF, numerous tips have been sent in describing how items have seemingly disappeared, but they all have one thing in common: toxic, purple puddles.

These strange, glowing puddles have appeared in dimensions that are reporting missing items. Some dimensions are even experiencing glitches that seem to be spreading like computer viruses.

“The ‘Bunkin’ Bagels’ sign is gone, but it seems to have glitched and it’s spreading across the dimension! This is quite serious…” a DPF agent said.

“How am I supposed to make coffee when the coffee machine is gone!” Artisan, a barista at the Cafe said. 

When asked about the strange puddles left in place of the missing items, it was said there’s only one explanation for them.

“If my suspicions are correct, it looks like this goop is coming from the Box dimension…” Nate told me, “Which means that the Box dimension is leaking and it’s spreading all over the dream world. This isn’t good!”

The Box dimension is a strange dimension made up of many more sub-dimensions, but because it’s very new, there’s not a lot known about it.

“All I can say is that until we clean up what the Box dimension is leaving behind, it’s going to keep spreading across the dream world! We’ll have to go in and clean up this mess ourselves.” 

Venturing across the Box dimension will be tricky, but the DPF is preparing to deploy agents soon to clean up and fix the dimension before it gets out of control. The DPF also asks everyone to prepare for strange happenings- as things are about to get weird next week.

DWPS CONCLUDES NO DREAMQUAKES, POINT TO BOX DIMENSION

By: Nate

Hiya everyone, it’s everyone’s favorite dream demon!

So as you read above, the Box dimension appears to be leaking and its contents are spreading all over the dream world, sucking in items from dimensions and leaving behind glitches and goop! 

This isn't good. Items may continue to go missing, and dimensions may end up getting corrupted if we don’t stop it! I believe the best way to get things under control is by going and collecting all the missing items and putting them back in their places, while mopping up all the goop!

Recently, the Dimension Weather Prediction Service concluded its analysis of possible dreamquake activity from the strange noises being reported across the dream world. It was concluded that no dreamquake activity is expected, but pointed fingers toward the Box dimension being the culprit, and I agree!

It makes sense that the Box dimension is the one causing those strange noises, and now leaving a mess across the dream world! The problem is that if this is the Box dimension causing this havoc, we’ll have to go in and venture through the various sub-dimensions…but it’s so weird!

The Box dimension is a new dimension, only discovered within the last 10 years or so, therefore we don’t have enough information about it. We only know that getting to it is quite tricky. The dimension seems to act like another world of itself, with many strange, sub-dimensions before getting to the actual source. It’s almost impossible to navigate it!

However, the DPF has one particular agent who is always traveling across the dream world, and has navigated many times through the Box dimension, trying to gather intel and information about it. She is quite skilled, and I figure she is going to be helping us very soon…

In the meantime, there are no dreamquakes to report, but things are about to get really weird! The Box dimension is notorious for being strange, weird, and bizarre, but it’s never leaked this much into the dream world- we’ll have to stop it! I’ll need to get approval from the Council to open a portal that will help us navigate through it…it’ll take a while!

But don’t worry, we’re going to get this solved and fixed ASAP! Just hang on folks…the Box dimension will get cleaned up and dimensions will go back to normal soon…you can count on me! Of course, no one knows why it’s acting up this abruptly, but I’ll get to the bottom of that soon too! There’s not one investigation this little dream demon can’t handle on his own!

Q/A: Ask Epsilon

Dear Epsilon, I’ve heard about the idea of soulmates being a thing, is that true?
By: Mentoo B.

Hello Mentoo. So you’ve heard the idea of soulmates floating around and are wondering if it is true. As a matter of fact, yes, that is a very real thing.

The idea of soulmates has been around for thousands of years, so it’s not something that’s fairly new and no one has an understanding of it. Essentially, every person’s soul in the dream world is fated to be with another person’s soul- sometimes even more than one person. The rule about soulmates is that you are always destined to cross paths with this person, or people, at some point in your life. Perhaps you meet them while walking along a path, or maybe it’s when you save them from a dangerous situation, or you deliver something to them on a mission, or maybe you just get invited to their house- the possibilities are endless.

If you’re curious enough to want to know if you have more than one soulmate, you’ll have to talk to an oracle. Oracles in the dream world have their professions in telling you parts of your future. They never really tell you exactly what’s going to happen, but they do foreshadow and hint at things. You can always ask them about your soulmates and find out how many you have- though normally it’s one, but there are cases of two, three, even up to ten!

To further confirm if someone you know is your soulmate, the best and easiest way to know is by using “soul magnets”- yes, that’s a thing. Soul magnets are very easy tools to verify your suspicions about someone being your soulmate. It comes in a single pair and all you have to do is get the other person to hold it while you hold the other one. If the magnets stick together, then both of your souls are meant to be; if they don’t stick, then the other person holding the magnet is not your soulmate. Very easy to understand.

Knowing if you’ve met and/or are in a relationship with your soulmate is often important when finally deciding if you are going to tie the knot with said person or people. And yes, there are many instances where marriages are not between soulmates, or you find out you’ve been dating a “regular” person who’s not destined to be with you. People have their own opinions on whether it matters or not that you end up with your soulmate(s), so it’s always up to you to decide.

Soulmates also exist in the real world, but humans do not have the tools like we do to know their person of destiny. Perhaps we should send them some soul magnets…or not? I guess we should just let them be…we don’t want to cause any relationship problems, would we?

Dear Epsilon, do cat hybrids have the same personality traits and instincts as real cats?
By: Kat Niss

Hello Kat. Cat hybrids behave similarly to real cats, although we can control our behavior a little more. For example, yes, I do enjoy cat toys- though not in public…

Dear Epsilon, how long have you known Lucid for?
By: Bud D.

Hello Bud. This year will mark 156 years of meeting Lucid, and we’ve been good friends for that long. Although now, it feels like I’m one of his very few real friends.

Dear Epsilon, what is one of your pet peeves?
By: Hay T.

Hello Hay. I don’t like when people get too loud. It starts hurting my ears and it becomes difficult to stay on task of things, and even sleep. When Dylan invites Almoral for sleepovers, those two make a lot of noise…I just put up with it at this point.

Dear Epsilon, is your white hair a sign of aging?
By: Harry White

Hello Harry. While it is true that white hair is typically a sign of aging for almost all dream world creatures, mine is natural. I was born with white hair and I will die with white hair. The only downside is that I won’t really know when I’m starting to age; you know you’re getting old once you find your first white hair, but for me, I’ll truly never know.

Upcoming Events:

Now- April Fool’s Party 2022 Construction:  Who knew construction would have meant missing items and on the border of corrupted dimensions?

Now- New seasonal dimension: The Gazebo lies in the middle of a small lake, but it’s warm here and the air smells like it just rained- it must be spring!

March 31- April Fool’s Party 2022: Get ready for the silliest, or perhaps weirdest, party of the year! Anyone got a propeller hat laying around?

March 31- Operation Box Dimension: Are you ready to head into the weirdest, most unexplainable dimension (world?) yet…and it makes no sense either!