THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Edition 50

PARTY THROWN FOR ROBOTIC CAT

By: Porter

Party goers have been seen at the Party dimension recently attending a celebration for a familiar robotic cat and agent of the Dimension Protection Force.

M3-0W is turning another year older, and several of her friends have dedicated some time to plan and throw a party for her birthday. Even though it is a birthday party, M3-0W has insisted that it is a creation day.

“Robots are not born the natural way,” she says, “An inventor created me several years ago, so technically, it’s not a birthday. I like to call it a creation day, because that’s when I was created and came to life!”

Several of M3-0W’s good friends have shown up to the party and shared their well wishes for her.

“Yeah yeah, I like parties! I hope M3-0W has the best party and creation day ever!” Figment said.

“Cake…balloons…presents…and most importantly, no TV to distract us. What a wonderful party it is! I hope M3-0W has a splendid day!” Telly stated.

“I decided to give M3-0W something I know all cats enjoy…and Dylan wanted to give her glow wristbands because he thinks they’re cool to show off,” Epsilon said.

“I gave M3-0W a really simple present in my opinion, but I think she will really like it! She’s the best! She has been a real help being my partner in this investigation…which just got a huge turn around! I really hope she has a wonderful bir- ahem, creation day!” Nate told me.

The Party dimension will be closed for those not invited until the event itself is over. Please check the DPF’s website or the DGTA website for delays and additional information.

RESIDENTS COMPLAIN OF ONGOING RAILROAD NOISE

By: Roman

The residents of the Crossing dimension have filed multiple reports to the DPF with complaints of the railroad tracks that cross through the dimension.

According to the complaints, the nearby railroad crossing has been sounding the bell on multiple occasions, but its announcement of an oncoming train is bizarre itself, as no train passes by the area in the first place.

“It’s so annoying,” one resident said, “I’ll be trying to take a nap and all of a sudden that bell starts and goes on for hours! I’m sick of it here. I’d rather move to another place!”

“It’s so strange to see the gates go down and the lights start flashing even though there’s no train. It’s been happening so many times now that I’m starting to wonder if the mechanism is broken?” another resident told me.

It’s not the first time that the gates close for a supposed train that never arrives. There’s been a documented 903 cases that have been reported to the DPF about the noise since at least the year 2005, but after multiple attempts to fix the issue, it seems like a dud.

“We’ve sent out our repair and maintenance team to try and fix the gates, but every time it seems to be fixed, the problem arises again a few months later,” a DPF spokesperson told me, “We can’t take the gate down because that would not make the dimension…’authentic’ so they say.”

Other passersby complain about the noisy gates as well.

“Ugh, the noise is definitely so annoying. I always hate coming to deliver mail in this dimension because of it…no offense to the people who live here, of course!” Dylan said to me.

“I don’t even bother to look for Lucid here. No one, not even that pesky dream demon, would want to hide here because of that noise. It’s quite a racket,” Sylveran told me.

The DPF states that they don’t expect the problem to be solved any time soon and simply tell residents to put on noise-reduction devices to minimize the noise.

“Is this really the best they can do…” a resident told me, “The cost of living next to a railroad, I guess.”

Q/A: Ask Lucid

Dear Lucid, are there people from the dream world in the real world living better lives?
By: Elumi Nati

Hello Elumi. Throughout the ages, there have been numerous people that have crossed from the dream world to the real world. They are what humans call “cryptids” or paranormal entities, but they have become trapped in the real world unable to get back home.

However, some of those have evolved through that time and have become adapted to the real world and were able to integrate into human society. Perhaps they blend in as an ordinary man with a normal job and life, maybe they’re a famous celebrity, or maybe they even lead countries. I know a few significant figures who have successfully duped the human population, but I will not reveal those names. Not everything is what it seems…

Dear Lucid, do you consider Sylveran to be a rival or enemy?
By: Annie Mie

Greetings Annie. I do not consider Sylveran to be a rival nor an enemy, although he has a thing against me, but for obvious reasons. Little do people know that Sylveran and I used to be friends at one point in time as we met each other in the DPF. I do not hate him, but our history is more than is known. I hope someday it can come around with a change of heart.

Dear Lucid, would you ever dye your hair?
By: Harry W.

Hello Harry. I have not considered dyeing my hair, but a friend of mine has suggested dyeing it to white. I am not sure if I want to appear older than I look with white hair…what do you think?

Dear Lucid, what is seven minus one?
By: Matt H.

Hello Matt. The answer to that is the number that has been bestowed upon me by the strange and mysterious universe itself. Did you know that everyone is assigned a “special” number when they are born? Discovering what number that is can significantly bring fortune to you, but it can also bring misfortune as well. Tread lightly.

Dear Lucid, why are soulmates a thing?
By: Lance B.

Greetings Lance. In any plane of existence, there is something called “universal balance” which is important to keep things in peace and harmony. Every living thing has different amounts of energy that account to this universal balance and soulmates are essentially the balancing of those energies among people to create a “perfect” order.

Your soulmate balances your energy out so there is an equilibrium among both of you. Of course, you can also have multiple soulmates, but all the energy in that chain is balanced, and only the universe knows why it decided to pair you with a certain person(s). Besides balancing that energy out, sticking with soulmates also significantly improves your own life for reasons that again, only the universe knows. But alas, our plane of existence is not perfect and there are societal problems abound because not everyone sticks with their soulmate for whatever reason. In fact, my research has suggested that only less than 100 universes have achieved total harmony, and that does not include the dream world or the real world.

Dear Lucid, how many books do you own?
By: Lex I. Con

Hello Lex. Ah let me think…you know, I am embarrassed to admit that I do not have a specific number as my collection of books is large. I have books I have gotten over the years or rewritten entirely from memory in my own library located in my realm. There’s a secret book you pull that reveals the secret door to said library and you’ll understand why I do not have a specific number.

Dear Lucid, are you able to time travel?
By: Bea C.

Greetings Bea. While I have been able to crack the physics behind the idea of traveling through time, I am not able to as I do not have the resources or equipment to actually do it. It is indeed possible, but there are grand risks that arise from doing so. Believe me, if I was able to time travel, I would have changed some things about my past. I think I am alright in this timeline because I think things will change sometime soon. It just takes time…

Upcoming Events:

Now- Lucid’s back: A daring move for a criminal most wanted.

Now- Birthday Party: M3-0W celebrates another year of beep-booping across the dream world!

August 18- Summer Party archived: When I met you in the summer…

August 25- New dimension portal: Low rates, color TV, but the bathroom’s a bit disgusting…