THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE
Thursday, December 1, 2022
Edition 66
HOLIDAY SEASON KICKS OFF, CHRISTMAS SPIRIT REMAINS POSITIVE
By: Roman
The calendar has officially moved into the final month of the year and that means that the busy holiday season has kicked off.
December is host to a variety of end-of-the-year festivities, including Christmas and new year celebrations. The Pole dimension, which is home to Santa Claus’ headquarters in the dream world, is expecting it to be another busy season.
“And so another holiday season comes, and with it, comes the high traffic of calls asking a various assortment of questions,” Rainier, Secretary of Christmas Affairs says, “Time after time, I have to keep telling people that I can’t tell them if they’ve been good or bad this year!”
Rainier explains that the infamous List used to track people’s behavior throughout the year, is actually a magical book that automatically updates every person’s “Good” or “Bad” rating depending on their average behavior at any given time.
“Think of this book like a magic telephone book. It has everyone’s name along with their age and what they want for Christmas. The book automatically tracks a person’s behavior as its binding is linked through Christmas spirit in the air,” Rainier explains, “Essentially, being good is a positive energy to such Christmas spirit and that can be linked directly back to an individual person. The same can be said if you’re bad.”
Rainier states that the Christmas spirit is generally positive in the dream world, which means that a majority of people are good year-round. The Pole has never registered a dream-world wide negative shift of Christmas spirit in its existence, so it’s not known what would happen if a majority of dream world residents are bad.
“Despite Neapworm recently, we still saw an overall positive Christmas spirit in the dream world, so there weren't any dramatic hiccups here at the Pole. It’s nice to know that a majority of people are good in the dream world, but I wouldn’t know what to expect if a lot of people were bad!” Rainier exclaims, “All I know is that the more positive the Christmas spirit is, the less of a dark holiday season there will be and more work for us to do!”
After the events of NEAP-1, Rainier signed an order clearing all infected individuals who ended up on the bad side of the List who were previously marked as good. The order doesn’t apply to anyone who got infected with NEAP-1 and was already marked as bad.
“It was unfair to those good people who got sick and ended up naughty, so this order does them justice!” Rainier explains, “It’s good to be off the bad side, but you wouldn’t know until Christmas Day…”
Rainier says that you can call to book appointments to the Pole if you need assistance with any postal material like letters, postcards, packages, needing assistance with gift wrapping, or if you need to look up archives of past Christmas behavioral records for people.
“A lot of people like to visit the Pole’s HQ because they need help wrapping presents, mailing postal material, or if they’re curious to look up old records of past Christmases,” he explains, “But of course for this Christmas, you’ll just have to find out soon enough! My advice? You have about 24 days left, so if you’re in doubt, just be nice! Being nice these last three or so weeks could make it or break it for some…”
Santa’s sleigh takes off in about 24 days. For information about the Pole, you can visit its website or call them for additional resources.
WEATHER SERVICE PREDICTS NEAR-ABOVE AVERAGE WINTER
By: Oswald
Winter has arrived in the dream world and several outdoor dimensions are becoming much colder than normal.
While most outdoor dimensions have begun getting colder, many are not yet at the freezing point for precipitation to become snow or for there to be ice. Regardless, the DWPS has issued their seasonal outlook for winter.
According to this seasonal outlook, they are expecting this winter season to be near-above average. Historically, the DWPS uses data from previous seasons to issue their seasonal outlooks, but last winter’s data- despite being an outlier- is being taken into consideration for this year’s prediction.
“Last winter was unprecedented for many reasons. Historical record snowfall across all outdoor dimensions in the dream world caught everyone off guard,” Cirrus, senior meteorologist at the DWPS explains, “Taking that into account, we collectively decided to up the scale a bit on this winter season’s outlook.”
A near-above average winter outlook suggests that winter could be somewhat overwhelming in some dimensions of the dream world. Temperatures could be slightly colder than normal, some record snowfall- but not widespread- and the potential for a blizzard or two.
“We’re not saying this year’s winter is going to be anything like last year’s, but who knows,” Cirrus says, “As far as we know, the culprit or culprits who might’ve caused havoc then, haven’t been caught yet. If they’re still out there plotting, who’s to say they won’t cause another crazy winter?”
Regardless, Cirrus says to stay calm and to listen to what the DWPS issues in terms of advisories and forecasts.
“Just stick with us and we’ll navigate you through the winter season, or any season, in fact! We’re doing our best to provide the best weather related content to the public,” she says.
For more information on this year’s winter seasonal outlook or for other information, visit the DWPS’ website for the latest.
Q/A: Ask Nate
Dear Nate, what are the wards of the District like?
By: Lan D. Marks
Hi Lan! It always makes me happy to see people ask questions about a place like the District. It can be a really fascinating place for those who have never been there before, so it’s natural to be curious about it!
As you know, the District is the biggest and self-made dimension of the dream world. It’s divided into six wards and each ward contains its respective enclaves that are basically large communities of certain groups of people. All the respective wards and enclaves are modeled after their real-world counterparts!
If you visit the French enclave in the Europe ward, you’re going to see a lot of French architecture, including landmarks! A trip to the Eiffel Tower, perhaps? Yup, it’s there! If you visit the Japan enclave in the Asia ward, you may find yourself at a very busy pedestrian crossing modeled after the real-world intersection Shibuya Crossing! If you visit the U.S. enclave in the America ward, you may run into a street modeled after real-world Hollywood Boulevard! The list goes on and on…
Those are just some examples of certain areas in those wards, but there are plenty more! As times change, the wards of the District change too. We have construction workers who monitor real-world landmarks and architecture and many areas get remodeled after a certain amount of time to better look like their real world counterparts. One hundred years ago, many wards looked much different, and some enclaves didn’t even exist yet!
The size of wards also scale off the size of the continents in the real world and the same goes for the size of enclaves. We have a team that also monitors geographical boundaries and nations in the real world so we get a sense of if an enclave should shrink or grow, depending on its real-world nation counterpart. It’s tricky stuff when humans don’t get along and cause a lot of problems up there, but someone’s got to monitor them…
I definitely recommend visiting the District if you ever can! Just ask a local DPF officer or tour guide to point you in the right direction and you’ll be there in no time! There is a LOT to see and places to visit, but it is one hundred percent worth the trip!
Dear Nate, can people get stuck in seasonal dimensions?
By: Stu K. Furgud
Hi Stu! This is one of those questions that you might randomly think about, but there is an answer to it!
To be quick, yes, people can indeed get stuck in seasonal dimensions. However, I can’t say it’s rare that it happens because it depends on the context.
When you get stuck in a seasonal dimension, you’re essentially cut off from the rest of the dream world. There is a lot of interference on radio devices if you try to contact the outside dream world from a seasonal dimension that’s disappeared temporarily off the map. Unless you have enough resources there to last you until it reappears on the map, you’re on your own!
This is why it’s very important to follow orders from the DPF if they tell you to leave ASAP as the dimension is about to go off the grid temporarily. If you fail to do so, well, you’re going to be stuck! Although devices to communicate to the outside dream world fail to work, some devices still work. The DWPS’ weather station sensors still work fine and constantly transmit weather data back to their HQ, but some features such as its location tracker are jammed by interference. Internet services can be a bit spotty, but they’re not entirely down. It’ll just be really slow and connection times may not be long. Even if you were to get in contact with someone out in the dream world, they still wouldn’t be able to get to you.
There are actually people who live in seasonal dimensions such as the Neighborhood, which usually comes back every other month. These people are aware they will get stranded once the dimension closes, but they always stock up on a lot of items prior to the dimension going off the grid. It’s certainly not easy living in a seasonal dimension, but some people do anyway! It may be that they just like living alone in peace for a month or a few months at a time before the dimension returns and people go visit again. As Lucid once told me, with every risk there is a benefit!
That being said, I don’t recommend getting trapped in a seasonal dimension on purpose for the fun of it. Unless you have prior experience and have an idea of what to do, and have supplies to last you until it goes back on the grid, don’t do it! You will be cut off from essential and emergency services and lose contact with the rest of the dream world. That’s no fun!
Upcoming Events:
Now- Beach, Skating dimensions return: Oh the brisk, frigid air of winter hits different.
Now- Winter at Biz Mart: Sid might not be a fan of the holiday season, but he still decorates the Mart as best as he can.
December 8- New seasonal dimension opens: Such a cozy little home with a cozy little shed.
December 8- Lucid returns: This old dream demon returns to his realm for the rest of the year. How sad is it to spend the holidays all cooped up in a cold, dark place?
December 15- Holiday Party 2022: From now until then, you better be nice to everyone you meet! We can’t have you on the naughty list now, can we?