THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Edition 116

DPF ANNOUNCES SHAKEUP TO THEIR MOST WANTED LIST

By: Porter

Breaking news: The Dimension Protection Force has announced a major shakeup to their “Most Wanted” list in a recent communication.

According to the communication, the DPF’s head chiefs, or the “Big Six,” had a meeting at the beginning of the month to discuss the ongoing matters pertaining to anomalies in the dream world. Following this meeting, they came to a few agreements and major shakeups.

The meeting consisted of discussing the various anomalies affecting the dream world over the past year and a half. Originally, it was speculated that the perpetrator of these anomalies was Lucid- the dream world’s most wanted criminal who is currently on the run. However, there was very little evidence to even begin with, and without any evidence, it was hard to pinpoint the blame on Lucid.

Earlier this year, a mission into the Box dimension revealed a strange human by the name of Francis Robert P. Jackson had stumbled into the dimension seemingly lost. However, towards the end of the mission, it was determined that Francis was responsible for the Box dimension anomaly, as well as most- if not all- of the other anomalies that had occurred at that point. The DPF had put Francis on their radar, but they did not have any DNA samples nor did they assign him as the “most” wanted criminal in the dream world.

A recent mission changed this. After obtaining Francis’ DNA samples in a mission led by ROTU Leader Finnegan, the DPF is now in possession of his saliva and hair samples. It was revealed that Francis plans to take over the dream world, though his motives remain unclear. Since Francis’ anomalies have taken place remotely and vary in terms of strength, the DPF decided to upgrade his status.

“Francis Robert P. Jackson is now the dream world’s most wanted criminal,” DPF Director Ferekides said in a press conference, “Without a doubt, this individual is capable of various acts of crime of varying levels. We have seen what he is capable of and his plans of disrupting dream world society. We may not know his motives as to why, but we do know that he is not to be taken lightly.”

Following this major shakeup, Lucid is no longer the dream world’s most wanted criminal. The dream demon had held this title for 86 years since 1937- when word first came out that he had been sighted once more, despite being sealed by the Council in 1930. The DPF’s decision did not come lightly, but all of the evidence points to Francis- not Lucid- being the clear perpetuator of the anomalies.

“We advise residents of the dream world to keep an eye out for Francis. While he is known to be working remotely, we are still unable to find out where he is operating,” Director Ferekides said in a press conference, “That being said, we don’t think he would actually be seen in public given his new status now, but nevertheless, keep an eye out and do not approach him. He may be armed and dangerous.”

If you spot Francis somewhere in the dream world, the DPF advises that you dial *1 to report him. You can also tell a nearby DPU patrol officer or visit your local patrol station to report your sighting.

PIZZA PARTY IN THE WORKS AT THE PARLOR DIMENSION

By: Oswald

The Parlor dimension has announced that it’s hosting a Pizza Party to commemorate ten years since it first appeared in the dream world!

According to the announcement, the chefs at the Parlor are planning to hold an event with lots of food and goodies. With this in mind, the Parlor dimension has placed a rather sizable order of ingredients needed to make enough pizzas to last through the event.

“Oh yeah, we placed a BIG order of ingredients to make our pizzas for the event,” Brie, a chef at the Parlor tells me, “We expect the deliveries to arrive within the next few days. Lots of pepperoni, cheese, veggies, and the sauce of course! We didn’t order much of the candy pizza’s ingredients since we’re aiming for actual pizzas, y’know?”

Brie says that the Parlor dimension will also be decorated for the occasion as it’s a “very big deal” for the restaurant.

“The restaurant’s been here for almost ten entire years. In dream world terms, that’s not a long time, but it’s definitely significant!” Brie says, “I’ve been working here for eight of those years and this dimension’s always been kind of special to me! It brings back lots of memories…”

Brie says that the Pizza Party will be open to the public and that anyone from anywhere can come join.

“Yeah, of course! This event is gonna be available to the public to come on in and celebrate our tenth anniversary! We got balloons, streamers, confetti, and of course… lots of pizza to celebrate!” Brie exclaims, “We expect people from around the dream world to come partake in the celebration. I wouldn’t even be surprised if the people from the Cafe also come and sneak in too!”

When asked how long the event will take place, Brie says that it will last for about two weeks.

“Don’t worry, this event will be around long enough for people to come check it out. Besides, who doesn’t like pizza?!” 

The Pizza Party will begin next week. It plans to run for two weeks and the public is invited to attend. The Parlor dimension is located just southwest of the Arcade dimension.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, is there a specific order of authority among the “Big Six” of the DPF?

By: R. Ann King

Hi R! There are some misconceptions about the DPF’s “Big Six” that people like to assume are true. One of the misconceptions is that among the high ranks of the DPF, there’s one chief who’s above the other in a ranking system of sorts. That’s not true!

It’s true that among the various branches in the DPF, the most important agencies are the ROTU, DIA, DPU, DFCA, DDCP, and IAA. They have been nicknamed the “Big Six” by the dream world public. These agencies are considered the most important in the DPF, but no matter what agency, everyone in the DPF takes official orders from the director!

The director of the DPF is the highest ranking official…so is there a second highest ranking official then? It might be easy to think that there is, but there’s not! None of the “Big Six” chiefs are considered “second” to the director, much less third, fourth, fifth, etc. All chiefs of the “Big Six” are considered equal in terms of power. Each chief has power within their own agency and agents in it, but none can override whatever the director says.

You probably already know that every month, the “Big Six” chiefs have a private meeting to discuss matters of the previous month. In these meetings, none of the chiefs are above or below another chief. While the director may be the highest in the room, the chiefs are equal, and make decisions amongst themselves by vote. It’s an easy peasy process!

So with all of this in mind, there’s no specific order of authority amongst the “Big Six” chiefs in the DPF. They are all equal to one another in terms of power and within their own agencies, but the director is for sure number one! Would you ever want to be a part of the “Big Six” or not? It sure seems like a lot of work…I think I’d pass, for now…

Dear Nate, what are some important things to always carry around in the dream world?

By: Bach Pak

Hello Bach! There are a few important items that one should carry when they’re out and about in the dream world.

First and foremost: a flashlight! It’s very important to carry a flashlight or some sort of light source when out in the dream world. Much of the dream world is very dark and foggy, so some source of light is important to carry with you to light the way! Whether it be a flashlight, lantern, torch, or your own light source, it’s very important to be able to see where you’re going!

The second thing I recommend carrying is a watch. It’s true that time doesn’t really correspond with the time of day in many areas across the dream world, but it’s still important to know the universal time wherever you are. Many dream world watches also include the date, so you’re always up to date (pun intended!) on what day and what time it is.

The third thing I would recommend is bringing along some sort of identification. There are plenty of IDs that you can carry around that can identify who you are, where you live, how old you are, etc. It’s important to carry this around in case a DPF officer stops you for whatever reason! 

And if you feel like it's necessary, something to defend yourself with! There are baddies out there in the dream world, but it’s rare to encounter them. Should you encounter them, you should have something to defend yourself with! All DPF agents carry some sort of weapon with them, just in case something bad happens.

Those are just some things to consider carrying around, but I think they’re the most important! Of course, there’s the compass too, but those can be a little confusing to use in the dream world. If you’re out there exploring the dream world, have fun but be safe!

Upcoming Events:

Now- Storyline shift: The story goes from “who’s causing all of the dream world anomalies” and pointing a finger at Lucid to “okay, turns out it’s not Lucid…so how do we stop Francis?” and to top it all off, Lucid is no longer the dream world’s most wanted!

November 23- Dinner dimension returns: When is it my turn to carve the turkey? Me next!

November 23- Pizza Party 2023: Welcome to the Pizza Parlor (dimension)! What would you like? Pizza? We thought you’d never ask! Please please, come in! Come in!

November 30- Christmas at Biz Mart: Yes, I know, I KNOW that it’s still November by this point, but who’s to say no to a little holiday spirit?