THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Edition 118

POLE SEES LOWER THAN NORMAL TRAFFIC, WINTER TO BE ABOVE AVERAGE

By: Roman

Winter will officially arrive tomorrow in the dream world as the Pole dimension sees a slow start to the upcoming holiday season.

According to recent statistics provided by the Pole, there appears to be lower than normal foot traffic when compared to other years at this point in time.

Typically by now, there should be slight activity in visitors at the Pole who travel as tourists or seek assistance at the Pole's Headquarters. Despite December just around the corner, it's been a slow start compared to last year.

"Yeah it's been kind of slow around here," one Pole worker said, "We usually see more tourists than what we've seen recently. I guess it'll pick up soon after."

"We were expecting more people than normal to stop by our restaurant," one Pole restaurant owner told me, "It's just… slow. I'm hoping more people will come to visit though!"

Secretary of Christmas Affairs, Rainier, has previously stated that the Pole HQ is accepting appointments for assistance on various holiday related matters. While appointments are open, there's also been a slow tick in bookings.

"Hmm, looks like we're off to a slow start. That's fine!" Rainier said, "Winter is coming so that'll definitely put people in the holiday spirit. Remember, we're open!! Don't be shy to book an appointment if you need help!" 

As winter approaches, things are already looking to be a bit icy. The Dimension Weather Prediction Service is set to release their seasonal outlook tomorrow, but their early outlook doesn't spell good news.

According to their early outlook, this year's winter season looks like it may be above average. For reference, the last confirmed winter that ended up being above average was the winter of 2022. The dream world came to a complete stop following incredibly historic snowfall that broke records across dimensions.

That being said, the DWPS will release their seasonal outlook in full tomorrow, but stress that it is a forecast that can always change.

"Seasonal outlooks can always change. Take 2022 for example," Cirrus of the DWPS explained, "We forecasted an 'average' winter and it ended up being 'above average' when all was said and done. The weather is subject to change in the dream world too, so don't be afraid! Perhaps this forecast will not come to pass."

Regardless, both winter and the holiday season are just about to be in full swing. For Pole appointments, you can call or book an appointment on their website. For weather related information, visit the DWPS website or visit your local forecasting office.

PARLOUR SEES SUCCESS DESPITE PIZZA MIX-UP 

By: Porter

Despite an unexpected mix-up at the Parlour dimension, their 10 year anniversary has been declared a success.

According to Brie, one of the organisers of the event, the Parlour saw a 'tremendous' increase in customers in the first week of the event. People from many different parts of the dream world travelled to the Parlour to partake in the event. However, candy pizza was not expected.

Brie stated that the Parlour had placed an order for regular pizza ingredients, but somewhere along the line, the order was mixed up entirely and they ended up with multiple boxes of ingredients for candy pizzas.

While the pizzas are not normally popular on a normal day, customers still decided to have a slice while attending. 

"Wasn't expecting candy pizza, but hey whatever!" one customer said.

"Y'know, the candy pizza isn't that bad. I might have another slice!" another customer said.

"I already had three slices…I might take a few to go!" one other customer said.

A few notable people were seen at the event, including the notable bounty hunter Sylveran.

"What am I doing here you ask? Just here to hang around is all," Sylveran told me, "Can't someone like me just find time to partake in events like these? Come on now, I will do no harm…"

ROTU leader Finnegan and head instructor of the ROTU's recruit unit, Eliazar were also seen at the event.

"We came on by to check things out, but Eli here won't let me eat a slice of pizza! Boo… I guess we'll settle on another dish!" leader Finnegan said.

"I don't trust any food after the whole NEAP-1 incident," Eliazar explained, "I don't want this guy here to get sick again because he had something contaminated. Hmph, just being careful is all." 

Brie says that the event will go on for one more week before everything goes back to normal.

"There's been lots of traffic at the Parlour since the event, but things don't last forever," Brie said, "One more week to celebrate and then things are back to normal! Hopefully we'll have given out all the candy pizzas by then so our menu will go back to normal." 

The Parlour dimension's 10th anniversary has been declared a success. For those who wish to visit, prepare for heavy foot traffic around the area. The Parlour is located just southwest of the Arcade dimension.

Q/A: Ask Nate

Dear Nate, is there any rule for visiting other worlds besides the real world?

By: Travis Lure 

Hiya Travis! As you may already know, the biggest rule of the dream world is that visiting the real world is highly prohibited. It can result in a lifetime in prison if you are caught! Only a miniscule number of people have access to the real world- usually for high-risk jobs that involve getting information and other material from the real world- but that number is very, very miniscule. However, as for visiting other worlds that may be out there, there’s no real rule for that!

You see, the real world is deemed as dangerous for us in the dream world to go venture to. Once someone gets to the real world, all communication to the dream world is lost and you’re on your own! The only other world we know of is the Void and surprisingly, there’s no rule against visiting the Void. The Void is just that: a completely empty plane of existence underneath the dream world where there is nothing. No signs of life…no electricity…no water…no food…nothing! With this in mind, no rule exists to visit the Void because not only is there just nothing there, but it’s also much harder to get to than the real world.

As of right now, we are not aware of any other worlds that exist aside from the real world, the dream world, and the Void. Technically, you can argue that the worlds exist in certain books- as we saw twice before- but even then, they’re not seen as “true” worlds. Plus, it’s not like it’s easy to get to fictional worlds like these in the first place. So while you may find yourself inside the world of a fictional story, you’re not really breaking any rules.

Truthfully, I think there are other worlds out there that we have yet to discover! The whole theory that a dream world of the dream world exists, but no one has been able to prove it yet. What about alternate universes? I think those exist too, but we haven’t discovered one yet nor is anyone really interested in finding out as it’s hard and also quite expensive. Do you think there are other worlds out there? What if there was a world where everything was the same, but there was low gravity? Now that’d make for some pretty big jumps!

Dear Nate, is there an official TV station in the dream world? 

By: Broady Cast

Hey Broady! There are many ways to receive information and news in the dream world, including by television. 

WDRM is the official television station of the dream world, and they’re on at all hours! Their coverage goes on and on since it always seems like stories are breaking out there. They’ve only been around for sixty years or so, very young! 

They have very well-trained and skilled anchors that always provide the most accurate information about what’s going on. They’ll even send out crews to cover breaking news stories, so don’t be caught off guard if you happen to get interviewed by them! I have been interviewed a few times, but I can be quite camera shy! Still, they are very nice and always want to provide the best coverage. 

Besides regular news, WDRM will also cover other topics like sports, weather, entertainment, and fun little segments too! Their station is located in the Studio dimension where you can visit if you want a tour, but they prefer that you book an appointment first before coming. 

WDRM is not the only television station though, there are other channels and stations, but they are very tiny and offer limited content. WDRM is the official one though, so if you’re looking for the latest breaking story, sports results, weather for tomorrow, celebrity gossip, or looking for a new dimension to go visit, you should tune in to their station! It is on channel 2, and it’s on all day and night! 

Upcoming Events:

Now- Christmas at Biz Mart: Woah! Looks like Jack Frost stopped by Biz Mart and left a blanket of snow! Also, the lights are up…it's Christmas time baby!

Now- Winter seasonal dimensions return: The annual seasonal winter dimensions have returned. A day too early…that's okay!

December 7- Holiday Party 2023 construction: The jolliest party of the year is just about near, but as with any big event, we must build it!

December 7- Beach dimension returns: Looks like Jack Frost is also hitting the Beach too. Lots of snow and ice incoming!

In December- Joy to the World: The holiday season is coming to the dream world! Lots of gift giving, decorations, and the spirit of Christmas will prevail! Nothing will go wrong!