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THINGS ARE REALLY WEIRD AGAIN, SEND HELP!!
From: Porter
The dream world has come to a point of no normality! (Was it ever normal to begin with though?)
The Box dimension has leaked into the dream world and now many dimensions are experiencing all sorts of strange happenings! Whether it be glitches, errors, missing textures, missing items, puddles, whoopie cushions, floating eyeballs, arrows, time anomalies, invisible floors…woah…this list goes on and on!
Okay, things are pretty strange and weir- I mean, the computer I was typing this on has turned into a typewriter just as I was typing that last sentence. Alright, well, since things aren’t serious right now then I suppose this shouldn’t be a serious article.
Actually, who am I kidding? This is pretty serious! The Box dimension has leaked and things are super weird! …well, let’s try to list the facts here, right?
So, a team consisting of DPF agents Nate and M3-0W have teamed up with head instructor Eliazar of the DPF’s rescue operations team to venture into the Box dimension. What’s this? Oh! Looks like Almoral has joined them too…um, I’m getting reports that he’s going in too because he lost his skull and believes it’s in there. Okay, so Nate, M3-0W, Eliazar, and Almoral are heading into the Box dimension to clean up the mess, retrieve items, and hopefully patch the leak for a second year in a row.
No no, I’m not freaking out…this is fine! I mean typing this on a typewriter feels vintage and actually I’m trying hard not to make any errors… Uhh, alright well, let’s ask the obvious question: why is the Box dimension leaking again!?
I asked various DPF officials, but no one seems to know. Chief Daiki of the DPF’s investigation unit believes it’s linked to last year (you think!?) and believes we’ll get some good evidence this year (I hope). No, I’m not freaking out!
Look, I know a lot of people seem to be having fun with the dream world right now, but shouldn’t we take this seriously? Hello? Anyone there? Okay well, I guess I’ll just have to wait until things become normalish again. I can’t even go to the Cafe for tea because their machine is gone! Well, we here at the Tribune hope you find things…okay. Stay safe? Stay weird? I don’t know anymore…I guess I’ll just take a nap for now…
ANOTHER TOPSY-TURVY DREAM WORLD
yB: DGTA
Hello avid Tribune readers! The Dimension Guided Tour Association welcomes you to another article of places to explore in the dream world!
With the Box dimension leaking once more, many dimensions are acting strange. Not to worry! We sent out our tour guides to find the most intriguing and weirdest dimensions in the dream world. We know things are strange, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from going out and exploring! Here are some places we recommend checking out:
Club: The dance floor might not be responding, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t hold a dance party in this dimension anyway!
Ramen: If you miss the holiday season, a strange time anomaly has hit the Ramen dimension!
Sidewalk: You’ll be walking on your side in this dimension…it lives up to its name!
Arcade: We don’t think any of the machines are working right now, but hey, ball pit!
Nowhere: I guess you can say Nowhere is now Somewhere!
Cafe: There’s nothing but pitch darkness outside the window. Oh, don’t look up.
School: The floor is gone! Don’t look down!
Desert: A time anomaly has struck this dimension too. Beware of the infected!
There are plenty of more dimensions to check out, but these are our recommendations. Stay weird!
Q/A: Ask Dylan
Dear Dylan, where’d you get your necklace?
By: Nick Lass
What up Nick! This lovely heart necklace was given to me by the greatest man I know! If you haven’t met him yet, his name is Epsilon! (He’s kind of a grump)
Dear Dylan, do you like your job?
By: Joy Fullie
Hey Joy! Well, it’s alright. But don’t get me wrong! Being a postal delivery worker has its perks such as getting me out of the house, meeting people of all walks of life, and it gets me my steps! It’s kind of lonely though, but I can just put on some headphones and listen to music along the way! All in a hard day’s work!
Dear Dylan, where do you live?
By: Adder Rez
Hi Adder! I live in the Apartments dimension with my boyfriend! You might see us go out together on the weekends from there!
Dear Dylan, is your hair color natural?
By: K. Lore
What up K! Um, yeah?! Of course it’s natural! You think a rabbit like me would dye his hair pink to flaunt? No! This! Is! All! Natural!
Dear Dylan, how’d you meet Almoral?
By: Bessie Fren
Hi Bessie! On one of my delivery routes, it happened to pass by his mansion and I got to meet him there. I thought he was going to be scary, but he’s super cool and super funny! The two of us love joking around and playing video games, but we sometimes team up to annoy Epsilon…hehehe.
Dear Dylan, how’s Willy?
By: Wan Derland
Hey Wan! Willy? That little kiddo is doing alright! We recently went to visit them for their birthday and brought them to the Party dimension to do it! He’s super cute and sweet! Between you and me, I think Epsilon and I made a pretty good team taking care of him. Hm? No no no, we’re not adopting Willy, hahaha! I’m pretty sure the little guy has his own family back home…
Dear Dylan, pancakes or waffles?
By: Winnott Botth
What up Winnott! Um, isn’t the obvious answer French toast? Pancakes this, waffles that…boo…that’s boring! French toast is better and I can debate anyone over this!
Dear Dylan, where were you born?
By: Ora Ginn
Hi Ora! I was born in the United States enclave of the America ward in the District dimension! Did you know that the U.S. enclave was actually fairly new when I was born? Feels like it was just yesterday!
Dear Dylan, what’s one thing about Epsilon that you like?
By: Fay Voritt
What up Fay! That’s easy! I’ve always liked how Epsilon stood up for me when I couldn’t when I was growing up. We have a childhood together and I just think about how he was always there for me during the bad times. He’s done good things for me and has gotten a few bruises from it. I…just think I’m lucky to have him. He’s the best!
Dear Dylan, what’s something you wish for your birthday?
By: Kay K.
Hey Kay! This might sound demanding, but some years I’ll ask for headphones, or a new shirt, or some quality time with friends. Don’t get me wrong- none of that is bad! However, um, if there’s something I REALLY want… Well, look at my finger! I believe it’s long overdue…
J/A: Joke and Answer!
What did the t-rex get after falling down?
A dino-sore!
Why are movie stars so cool?
They have a lot of fans!
What did the artist name his pet dog?
Drew!
What is a super villain’s favorite part of a joke?
The PUNCH line!
Why were they called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights!
What do you call a courteous spy?
A gent!
How do you plan a space party?
You planet!
What do you call someone who got too curious and found out?
Lucid.
Downgoing Events:
December 16- Holiday Party 2021: Rainier would love for you to come visit, but he’d rather you check out the party first than come bug him at the Pole dimension…
February 10- Valentine’s Party 2022: Like the song says, don’t go breaking my heart!
July 28- Anniversary Party 2022: Make a wish and blow out the candles on the cake!
Now- April Fool’s Party 2023: The Box dimension has leaked and weird things are happening all over the dream world for a second year. Travel into the Box dimension with familiar faces and get to the bottom of this… TLDR: the most unserious party ever!
April 20- Noir Party 2023: April showers bring monochrome rooms, and it’s the perfect setting for a mystery film or perhaps an old timey cartoon!
October 19- Halloween Party 2023: There are ghosts taking over the dream world, or perhaps they just wanna dance? Whatever the case, it’s the most ghoulish party yet!
November 21- Operation Blackout: The dream world gets darker…and colder.