THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, June 29, 2023

Edition 96

ONGOING HEAT TO PERSIST FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE WEEK

By: Porter

The summer heat looks like it won't be letting up this week either.

The DWPS is continuing to monitor temperatures across much of the dream world as the ongoing heat wave persists. Record temperatures have been felt in various dimensions, including several wards in the District.

Many dream worldian residents have tried beating the heat by going out to swim, visiting a water park, or even visiting an everwinter dimension. But it seems that everwinter dimensions are also feeling a slight effect from the heat wave.

"Some everwinter dimensions are reporting slightly higher temperatures," Cirrus of the DWPS says, "Not enough that it isn't freezing, but maybe five to eight degrees warmer than normal. Luckily, they're still reporting snow precipitation, but the heat wave looks to be affecting even the winter dimensions."

Due to the heat, the DPF has announced that the DDCP is dispatching agents to provide assistance for the heat as heat related illnesses start being reported more frequently. The DPF also announced that the ROTU is providing assistance as well for anyone who needs immediate medical assistance. 

"The heat wave is taking a toll on many residents and we ask the public to stay cool and avoid going out if it's not necessary," DPF Director Ferekides says, "The weather service says it'll last at least one more week, so please listen to their advice as well as ours."

With many air conditioning units on full blast, the Dimension Power and Energy Company is still not reporting any widespread outages nor do they plan on doing rolling blackouts. DPEC Chief Lumière says things are going smoothly so far.

"No rolling blackouts are expected," the chief says, "However, we do recommend conserving energy at home by not having your air units on full blast. We get it, it's hot, but try conserving energy too!" 

In other related news, the joint DWPS/DFPS volunteer event has proven to be successful once more and the data is starting to trickle in. According to a majority of groups, a grand majority of weather stations are reporting higher than normal temperatures, thus confirming that summer is looking to be near-above average as the DWPS previously stated.

"In our group, we looked at several weather stations and noted above average temperatures for almost all of them," Cirrus tells me, "Kodia here helped out a lot in observing the data!"

"It's true!" DFPS forest ranger Kodia says, "I helped out and it almost felt like a guided tour of the dream world! The outdoors is wonderful, but too hot! Say, by the way, is anyone missing some books? We found some along the way and were wondering if they belong to anyone?"

The joint DWPS/DFPS volunteer event will go on for at least one more week. If anyone is interested, they should contact their local DWPS forecasting office or visit their website. You can also visit your local DFPS ranger station or their website for more information.

GRAND LIBRARY REPORTS MISSING BOOKS

By: Oswald

The Grand Library is asking residents to check their residences for missing library books.

According to Master Librarian Akilah, an unusually large collection of books have been removed from their shelves, despite not being checked out. The genre of books vary from non-fiction to fiction, though a grand majority of books missing appear to be fiction.

“When you visit the Grand Library, if you are going to check out any book, you take it to the reception desk where it is scanned and later logged in the library’s system as ‘checked out.’ Of course, we have several copies of most books, but even so, we’re missing all copies of several books,” Master Librarian Akilah says.

The Book Keepers, an independent organization that is in charge of preserving books, scriptures, manuscripts and the like in the dream world, announced that they are currently on the lookout for the missing Grand Library books and ask the public to report and return any missing books to them ASAP.

“We do think this is highly suspicious and potentially criminal,” Master Librarian Akilah tells the press, “We have referred this over to the DPF’s investigation agency to see if they can make anything out of this situation. We’ve never had something like this happen on such a magnitude. It is very bizarre.”

We reached out to DIA Chief Daiki’s office and received a reply about this matter.

“We have been notified by the Master Librarian of the Grand Library that several books have been reported missing and possibly stolen,” the chief replied to us, “I have gone ahead and referred this over as part of the ongoing investigation into strange dream world anomalies currently led by agents Hallucinate and M3-0W. At this time, there will be no further comments from me or the DIA on this matter unless a development arises.”

I asked the Master Librarian what the range of missing books consist of, but she says they’re mostly fiction books of varying genres.

“The books are mostly fiction with varying genres. A few examples include The Great Gatsby, Of Mice and Men, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird, 1984, Lord of the Flies, The Handmaid’s Tale, Fahrenheit 451… the list goes on,” she tells me, “A lot of these books are listed as historically significant from real world authors. It’s very strange that they’re missing.”

Master Librarian Akilah says she has faith the books will be returned soon, but questions why anyone would want to steal them.

“I’m not necessarily sure why someone would steal these books in the first place. The only person who would want to read this many books would be Lucid, but even he would not go to the lengths of stealing them. I hope the books are found without a scratch.”

If you spot a missing book or have tips that could lead somewhere, you are welcome to call the DPF’s tip hotline or submit a tip on their website.

Q/A: Ask Ophelia

Dear Ophelia, what’s the weirdest disease you’ve dealt with?

By: Vy Russ

Hello Vy. It will come to no surprise to you, but the most recent NEAP-1 parasite was possibly the strangest disease I have come across so far. Yes, it was also a bit horrifying, but the way it behaved was strange. This was also a very stressful period for me considering that we had no idea where it was coming from. Luckily, our group that was assembled got to the bottom of it.

Dear Ophelia, what’s your favorite color?

By: Hay Z.

Hello Hay. My favorite color would be lavender. Why? Lavender is the color of my eyes, and I came to adore it as so.

Dear Ophelia, what other jobs have you worked?

By: Wuhr King

Hello Wuhr. Prior to working at the Dimension Disease Control and Protection, I worked in the DIA as an investigator and before that in the DPU as a patrol officer in the District dimension. I have several centuries of history working in the DPF, but I think I settled well in the DDCP for the last two hundred years or so.

Dear Ophelia, what kind of music are you into?

By: Ann Sings

Hello Ann. I am into classical, alternative, and more recently pop. In my free time, I like to dance, and I get to listen to my favorite music genres while dancing to the beat. What? I took dancing lessons when I was a child and can dance well to this day. Would you like to see?

Dear Ophelia, have you worked in other outbreaks?

By: Pann D. Mecc

Hello Pann. Yes, I have either been tapped in or helped work in investigations of other outbreaks that have arisen in the dream world. As a lead infectious disease expect, my expertise was consulted for various matters, though the chief would occasionally tap me for certain outbreaks and responses- most notably in 1918, 1969, 2009, and of course, 2022. NEAP-1 was actually the first outbreak I led the response to that involved a parasite. Most have been viruses or bacteria, but a disease is still a disease.

Dear Ophelia, can real world diseases make their way to the dream world?

By: C. Ross

Hello C. Yes, real world diseases can occasionally slip into the dream world. If someone from the dream world were to go to the real world and get infected with a disease not yet identified in the dream world, it has the chance to then spread amongst the population. It does go undetected at first, until it’s found and we get confirmation that it is a real world disease. Surprisingly, the most recent real world pandemic did not have a significant effect on the dream world because it appears that disease was not detected in the dream world. If it did make it, it likely went undetected and perhaps still is. It’s likely a lot of us are immune to it, but a human infection would confirm its presence. 

Dear Ophelia, what’s your opinion on Lucid?

By: Pheu G. Tiv

Hello Pheu. Honestly, no comment. I’ve known Lucid from back in the day while working in the DPF. We’ve chatted maybe less than ten times total, but then the trial happened and he was sealed up. Other than that, I would rather not say much else.

Dear Ophelia, would you ever want to be chief of the DDCP?

By: Lee Duhr

Hello Lee. I’ve been asked this question numerous times and my answer would be yes. I would not mind leading the DDCP at some point in the future. Considering it is the agency that I have come to love the most, it would be incredible to get to work with all of these excellent agents who work tirelessly each day to protect the dream world from disease. Of course, that would depend on who Chief Demi nominates once she decides to retire. When any chief in the DPF resigns or passes, they usually have a nomination list ready in such an event. They list five candidates and each candidate is then reached out to if they want to succeed. If yes, the Council votes. If the vote fails or the candidate says no, it goes on to the next person in the list. If all five get voted no or pass on the opportunity, Director Ferekides intervenes, but that hasn’t happened. Anyways, that’s just a quick fun fact, but yes- straight to the point- I would love to lead the DDCP. Perhaps one day.

Upcoming Events:

Now- Birthday Party: Happy birthday Ophelia! You’ve turned another year older, but hold on, another surprise awaits you soon!

Now- Summer Party continues: One more week to enjoy the summer party! The heat is on full blast, but so are our A/C units. It truly is a cruel summer.

July 6- Room tweaks: A few more rooms get tweaked and retouched. Which ones do you think will get a quick makeover?

July 13- Fractured Fairytales rerun: Another chance to revisit Wonderland and see all of the strange stories we used to grow up with go topsy-turvy! I’m sure Willy will be happy to see us!

Mid to late July- Next storyline event: In this world, the Party rules. Where citizens are always watched, firemen start fires, and everything that you think you know is a lie. Now doesn’t that sound dreamy?