THE SUBLIMINAL TRIBUNE

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Edition 136

PORTAL SEALED PREVENTING COLLISION, TRAVELERS RETURNED HOME

By: Porter

In a stunning turn of events, the rift portal that was causing our world to collide with Wonderland has officially been sealed.

According to the latest information put out by the DPF, a mission led by DIA chief detective Daiki has been recorded as successful. The chief had previously gotten authorization to go on this special mission to seal the rift portal causing corruption in our world while also helping bring back three visitors to their own world. After a lengthy trip, things ended up going well.

“We have successfully brought back the three individuals to their world and I have gone ahead and sealed up the portal that was causing everything to go haywire,” chief Daiki said, “It was a lengthy journey, but we all made it through safely.”

The chief said that they visited various worlds while trying to get to Wonderland. The chief also wasn’t the only one who tagged along on this mission.

“We visited a bunch of worlds! One of them was a world called ‘Leisure’ and boy, we were tiny compared to everything else! Or was everything else just too big? I’m not sure…” IAA agent Hallucinate said.

“We also visited a place called ‘Sunnyside’ where the sun always shines,” DIA agent M3-0W said, “It was a lovely world, but a bit too humid for my liking!”

Along with DPF agents, two dream world residents also tagged along as they knew the three other visitors who needed help getting home.

“Oh yeah, we got them home safely!” Dylan, a postal worker for the DPDS said, “Little Willy was so brave! The Deuce kept having to look after the Hatter, but everyone came out alive and well! That was an awesome adventure!”

“It’s an honour to have tagged along in an official DPF mission,” Epsilon, a former IAA agent said, “It was definitely a long journey, but it was worth bringing everyone back home while sealing that rift portal. All in all, a success.”

DIA chief Daiki says that the portal itself was likely created by the dream world’s most wanted fugitive- Francis Robert P. Jackson. While Francis himself was not spotted during this mission, the DPF remains on the lookout for him.

“Our eyes and ears are still looking for Francis,” the chief detective said, “We did not encounter him on our mission, but we have good evidence to believe it was him. Thankfully, things didn’t escalate between either world and everything is safe now.”

With the idea of having to travel in-between worlds for this mission in many residents’ minds, some are asking if the team managed to visit the real world.

“No, we didn’t,” the DIA chief said, “I had a scanner on me this entire time giving me information on worlds, but we did not visit the real world. I’m glad we didn’t. That would’ve left behind some peculiar effects. It’s not like the real world is interesting anyway.”

With the rift portal behind us, chief detective Daiki says the dream world is on track to going back to normal soon.

“Our world is no longer on track to collide with Wonderland which means that all the corruption should start to subside soon,” he said, “I’m glad to hear that the ROTU has recently reported that there haven’t been any major emergencies amidst the corruption. Everything will be going back to normal soon.”

When asked about near-future plans, the chief detective said intelligence gathered in this mission will be passed onto the IAA and any other relevant information will be passed along to their respective DPF branch.

“I will be in contact with IAA chief Kamaria over some information gathered in this mission. Other pieces will be shared with their respective and relevant branches,” he said, “From there, we will decide on what to do next. After all, I am close to finishing up my investigation of February’s magic show mishap. Details of that will come soon once I finish wrapping it up.”

The dream world is expected to be going back to normal within the next week. Residents are asked to remain using caution when travelling. For more information, you can visit the DPF’s website and see their latest announcements.

THE STRANGE SIGHTS OF THE CORRUPTED DREAM WORLD

By: Arial

With the rift portal causing all of this corruption to take place finally being sealed, the dream world is no longer in danger of colliding with another world! However, things will slowly go back to normal in the coming days as things begin to fix themselves. In the meantime, there are still many things in the dream world to go check out!

Below is a compilation of some wacky sights I have seen over the past week that I think you, our readers, should have a look at before it goes back to normal!

The Sidewalk: Starting off with a classic…the Sidewalk! This dimension is tilted at an angle that quite literally makes you walk on its side. It’s been like this twice in the past, but it’s still a sight to see and experience!

The Chapel: This is odd…the Chapel isn’t flooded? This dimension is infamously known to always be flooded no matter what, but it appears as if that’s not the case now. Very strange!

The Window: I don’t know if I personally recommend this entirely, but the Window is stuck in a loop! You’ll quite literally be walking in a loop over and over again in this place. Trust me, I learned the hard way!

The Playground: This dimension has been hit with a time anomaly! It appears as if it went back to last December when it was the holiday season. Hmm…or was it Rainier who did this? 

The School: If you’re looking for a challenge, you should definitely check out the School. It’s almost like an obstacle course with having to get to the other side. Be careful…the floor is gone! Use the boxes to help you get across or else you’ll fall through!

The Suite: Newcomers may not see anything strange in this dimension, but for anyone who knows it well, you’ll know this isn’t true! This dimension is upside down! Or is it right side up? I could never really understand the logic here.

The Future: I’ll let you see this one for yourself… ;)

There’s a lot more sights to see out there! Things will be going back to normal soon. Be sure to witness the strange and wacky sights of the dream world before then! I know I did!

Q/A: Ask Dylan

Dear Dylan, do you know what is inside the boxes in the Box dimension?

By: Fragil E.

Hey Fragil! I figured you’re asking me this question because as a postal delivery worker, I often deal with delivering boxes of packages as well. To be honest, it’s a real mystery what the boxes in the Box dimension contain!

It’s one thing to deliver a package, but the boxes in the Box dimension don’t seemingly have any destination in particular. When the Box dimension was discovered, people were quick to assume that the postal service had something to do with it. However, it didn’t! Sure the DPDS deals with boxes all the time, but not at this scale!

There have been missions into the Box dimension, but from what I’ve heard, no one’s really dared to open any of the boxes! Apparently, there’s some rumor that opening a box is like unleashing the infamous Pandora’s Box. I don’t think anyone would wanna risk that!

Then again, what if the boxes are safe? What if they have super cool things in them? It’s honestly cool to think that there could be boxes with some crazy awesome stuff in them just waiting to be unboxed! Super cool goggles, retro video games, futuristic gadgets and more! The possibilities are endless! Oh if I could just open one box…

But…what if they’re empty? What if they’re just filled with those little packing peanuts? Bubble wrap? Not so fun…but bubble wrap is fun! Heck, even if they’re filled with bubble wrap, it could be hours of fun popping them! I guess we’ll never know what’s inside those boxes!

Dear Dylan, what’s the U.S. enclave of the America ward like in the District?

By: Star Andstripe

What’s up Star! Ah, the good old US of A enclave! I was born there when it was still fairly new to the District! Over the years, it’s gone through a lot of changes, but modern day, it’s quite the visit!

The U.S. enclave is pretty big in terms of land area! It’s the second biggest enclave in the District! Designed after the real US of A in the real world, the geography of the U.S. enclave is very similar to that of the real one- granted, everything is kind of on a smaller scale. Neighborhoods in the enclave are closer to each other than in real life! The New York neighborhood is close to the Florida neighborhood when compared to real life…isn’t that something! 

You can honestly find a lot of similarities to the real deal here! As with any other enclave in the District, the U.S. enclave bases its architecture, infrastructure and other factors on its real life counterpart. Just as you can venture down Sunset Boulevard in the California neighborhood or Broadway in the New York neighborhood, you can also visit the grains of the plains in the Kansas neighborhood or the waves of the Hawaii neighborhood! Of course, some neighborhoods are more lively than others. You’ll have a lot of fun in the California neighborhood, but perhaps not so much in the Wyoming neighborhood- yes, it’s real!

The U.S. enclave actually has a direct entrance through the Grand Wall of the District. You can easily get in through this checkpoint! It actually enters through the New York enclave with a bridge passing over a grand body of water and then into an underground tunnel. From there, you’ll emerge back onto the streets of (faux) New York! I’m telling you, this place is big!!

Honestly, the U.S. enclave is pretty nice! It’s definitely a lot nicer than the real world version. Not as many problems, y’know? I wish it could be that way up there just as it is down here! If you’re ever looking for stuff to do in the U.S. enclave, let me know!! I know that place pretty well and I also know of a great place we could go visit. It’ll be one wacky adventure! And of course, it’ll be my treat!

Upcoming Events:

Now- April Fool’s Party 2024 continues: The silliest party ever continues on! Get your wackiness on and see the dream world at its most unserious state, but hurry! There's only one more week left of the silliness!

Now- Beach dimension returns: Not summer yet, but it’s starting to get there! The Beach returns for spring and honestly, the water is still just fine.

April 11- Lucid’s back in his realm: Our main guy of the story (who hasn’t been in the story since July) returns to his lovely abode. When will he ever get to talk again!?

Coming in April- Rainy Days: Rain rain go away…come again another day… The dream world is going to see more puddles than usual, but not the Box dimension kind! We’re talking rain puddles! Splish splash!